We immediately moved after the incident but waited a year for everything to calm down before we got married. I felt it was important to give Ciaran a chance to work through the mixture of feelings she had been left with from the shock of discovering it had been her best friend who was trying to kill her. Even though Ciaran had grieved for the loss of Brenda and even fucking Whitman, she had wanted to feel nothing at all. She thought she had been wrong for believing there was something good in everyone’s darkness, especially since she felt her soul was dark under her shell.
I spent hours holding her, explaining that she was never dark but always the light that helped guide people through it. Just because a handful of people refused to follow it wasn’t the end of our world. I would never allow it to be.
Time passed and with it Ciaran grew stronger.
Several weeks after we were married she presented me with a small gift bag that contained a pair of tiny baby socks. It surpassed the reigning happiest moment of my life, which had been seeing her walk down the aisle dressed in white; however, I was sure once I laid eyes on our baby it would bump both from the top spot.
I was happy, loved and deeply in love in a way that, before Ciaran, I didn’t know existed. It was an important lesson my wife had taught me over the years.
Ciaran was also right about something else.
There could be good disguised by the darkness along with love.
You just had to let go of the past in order to find it.
Acknowledgements
I have the hardest time writing serious topics because in my head, my life is a musical romantic comedy-even the tough, crazy stressful parts. I’m not sure why, it’s just the way my brain works. It may be a coping mechanism. So, writing Ambivalent was a challenge. It had me expanding my mental safety parameters and often left me feeling more sensitive to the outside world than I am comfortable with. But it was where I needed to go. And in the end, I’m glad I did.
I would like to start off by thanking editor, Laura Hull, The Red Pen Princess (Indies Ink) who did an excellent job fixing my mistakes. My words are a mess without you.
To my sisters, Sabrina Courtney and Natalie for the support (it doesn’t matter that the genre I am writing is not your preference). When all else fails and goes bottoms up, I know you two are always there to push me another step. And to Sabrina Courtney who put up with all my texts so she could fix and edit certain sentences when I started to doubt my words.
To Natalia, for reading Ambivalent in its first initial stages and being one of my biggest cheerleaders to finish and publish this book.
To my husband, for embracing the crazy decisions I made over the last four months, willingly packing up our lives and moving us to another city and for loving me no matter what direction my spirit blows.
To the huge world of romance book bloggers and authors who stood behind my decision to take my time with Ambivalent and helped guide me when I started to worry I was never going to finish this book. To the authors who personally reached out to tell me to write what I wanted. I am amazed and admire so many of you.
I love you guys and I love being part of this world!!
And finally, to all those voices in my head, slow down. You will have your turn to tell your stories soon enough. I promise.
Author Bio
Stefanie G. Torres can often be found downing numerous cups of coffee, stumbling into odd situations nice, normal people tend to avoid, refusing to speak because she is too busy writing, and devouring other author’s books. (Romance is her favorite genre but she is pretty much open to anything). On occasion, she gets sidetracked by squirrels and attempts rescue missions for animals, whether they need to be rescued or not.
She currently resides in Texas with her husband, rescue basset hound, two guinea pigs, and a bird.