I take in the sight of Ethan in front of me now, and I know that this night is destined for many things, but awesome isn’t one of them.
Police cars begin to pull up and cops are hauling people aside. We’re loaded into the back of a cruiser and being read our rights as I try to process that this is all really happening. I can’t help thinking that it’s entirely my fault. If I had just shown the list to him and explained it in the first place, we wouldn’t be in this mess now.
TO SAY THAT I feel rough would be the understatement of the fucking century. My back is aching and my head feels like it’s about to explode. I open my eyes and am greeted with the sight of a concrete ceiling, not the fabric of a tent I was expecting. I lay still for a second before my memory catches up with me. I dart forward looking around for Blair, but I’m in a cell on my own and she’s nowhere to be seen.
“Blair!” I shout as I stand and make my way shakily to the door and look through the tiny opening.
“Ethan, I’m here.” Her voice echoes and I look out the through the opening again and notice she’s doing the same in the cell opposite me. Thank god. My heart rate begins to slow as I realize she’s not missing.
“Are you okay?” I shout and I can just make out the scowl on her face as she replies.
“What do you think?” She sounds as if she wants to kill me. In all honesty I don’t blame her. I kind of want to die right now myself.
“How’s your head?” she asks in the most pissed tone I’ve ever heard her use, and I immediately feel bad until I remember the list and then the guilt subsides and gives way to anger.
“It’s fine,” I bite out, and her expression hardens even more if that’s possible. The tension ramps up a million points.
“Really? That’s all you’ve got to say to me?” She’s watching me and I see her eyebrows rise as she waits for me to respond. When I don’t she carries on. “First, you run off and leave me by myself in the middle of a campsite in the desert. You don’t answer my calls or texts to let me explain that what you think you know is all bullshit. Then you go get trashed at a bar and get us into a brawl that’s resulted in a nice little impromptu stay at the jailhouse! Even after all this…you're looking at me like it’s you that has the right to be pissed!” She huffs, closing her eyes and shaking her head in obvious disgust before moving away from the door so I can’t see her anymore.
“Look, I’m sorry for the fact that you’re sitting in here now, but you know what? I kind of do feel justified at being pissed with you.” This gets her attention and her face re-appears at the door, eyes narrowed.
“I’m in love with a girl who’s dating me for her dead best friend’s bucket list Blair, how do you think that makes me feel? Seeing that list and all the things you did and didn’t cross off?” Her gaze softens slightly as I hear her exhale loudly.
“Ethan, what you read has no bearing on what we have. I never intended to sleep with you just so that I could cross it off the list. I gave you my virginity because I’m in love with you, because you’re smart and funny and sweet and you make me feel cherished. Not because it was written on Emily’s list. I crossed it off and immediately wanted to uncross it because I slept with you for me, no one else. I didn’t cross off that I’d fallen in love because it's not my list. It’s Em’s; it felt wrong putting a strike through the ‘losing my virginity’ point and so I decided not to cross off the other. That is the only reason it has been left blank, I swear.” Her eyes are teary as she presses her face closer to the door.
“I am beyond in love with you, I wanted to tell you so many times but I didn’t know how to go about it, and then you said it first and I didn’t want you to think that I was only saying it back because you’d said it first.”
“Blair I do—”
“No—let me finish, okay? I am in love with you. I have been since you took care of me after TJ’s party. You’re this amazingly strong guy who has to deal with some pretty shitty stuff and you just get on with it. God, I don’t know what else to say to make you realize what you mean to me and—”
“Stop!” I interrupt. “I’m sorry, Princess,” I say quietly. “For leaving you at the campsite, getting us into this mess. I never wanted this to happen. I just saw the list and I don’t think I’ve ever felt pain like that. I should have let you explain but I couldn’t stand how much it hurt, that this,” I motion with my hand between us through the opening, “wasn’t real. I’m so damn sorry, Princess.”