When she’d woken up and looked at us, I hadn’t been able to breathe. Only feeling her pressed up against me had made it feel real. I’d nearly lost her twice already, and we had no idea where Michael was to ensure she would stay safe. Killian cursed behind me, pulling at his hair. We were all ragged from the past few days. I paused, waiting for the pain of her memories to roll across me again. None of us had been expecting the issues this rebirth had brought. Not only had she been in a coma for days, but something about the venom had caused her to drop all of her walls. She had been screaming her pain, her fear, and her memories into my head for the past few days.
My mental walls had begun to crack under the strain, and despite my best intentions, some of her thoughts had started to leak to my brothers. Nix probably thought we looked so ragged due to taking care of her over the past few days. She didn’t need to be burdened yet with the truth. We had lived this rebirth with her since the moment she and her Phoenix returned to her body. Every searing, scorching pain, every terrible memory, had echoed out to each of us.
I already knew that would be terrible for her, that she would feel ashamed that we had seen everything—felt everything—in her past so clearly. There’s no way she could know she was screaming into our heads. I doubted we had seen everything from her past, but we’d seen enough. Felt enough. I had no idea how she managed to get through her days with a smile, to let us into her life after everything she had experienced. We were going to do everything we could to make sure she never had to feel like that again—give her the happiness she hadn’t had.
Seeing her sleeping now, knowing she’d been awake and well, calmed the beast inside. Let’s talk outside; I don’t want to wake her. My mental voice was calm, at odds with all of the emotions currently riding me. After last looks at our girl to monitor her breathing, we all headed downstairs to the living room.
“Theo, what happened with the Council?” Hiro swiped a hand over his sleep-heavy eyes.
“They’re upset. They don’t like that we haven’t been back to the compound. They’re worried that we’re pulling away and forgetting our duties.” Theo sighed, apparently resigned after the lecture he had received. “Luckily, I’ve been making a bit of progress on the database they want. It gave us enough leeway that they’re not insisting we immediately return. We’re going to have to make more of an effort going forward.”
“Damn right we’re not going back to the compound!” Killian nearly hissed the words.
“Right now we just need to focus on making sure the venom has no lasting side effects.” Ryder’s voice was rough, his body stiff where he sat on the recliner. I knew he felt responsible for our well being, and Nix being unconscious for so long had really worn on him.
“Or that she doesn’t die again from eating your eggs.” I teased him, trying to lighten the mood a bit.
“Hardy, har har. They weren’t THAT bad.” The Ceraptor defended his terrible cooking skills. It was sweet that he had made an effort, and I pushed that thought to him so that he knew how appreciative I actually was.
“Even I wouldn’t eat those.” Hiro grinned as he plopped down on the sofa and lounged backward. We were all tired from the accumulation of so little sleep.
A collection of sighs and exhales echoed around the room.
“Now we double our efforts to find Michael. I don’t want that fucker anywhere near her again.” The severity of Killian’s voice resonated with all of us. We all felt the same damn way.
I tried to close the mental link between us before my self-doubt seeped through it, but Hiro was too quick for me. He whirled on me, pinning my chin in his grip. “Do not blame yourself, Damien. Not a single one of us would have thought that the barrier would keep us inside of it. Not one of us would have been able to hold our shifts back with her blood on our hands. You did nothing wrong.”
I tried a wry grin. “We really need to talk to the people who make those barriers. It’s definitely a design flaw.”
Theo leaned back in the chair, still pale after all this time. I knew that he should be resting, but his increased work for the Council meant they stayed away from Nix. It was a fine line to walk—for all of us. “It’s not a flaw. It’s built into all of the barriers. Most shifters don’t have a reason to test it. It’s a good way for the Council to control shifters who are manic or are too dangerous for their own good and unable to calm themselves down. It’s also frequently used for young shifters who don’t have family members to help them learn control. None of you had to experience that, but I heard about it occasionally from other kids.”
“That’s fucked up.” Leave it to Ryder to sum things up succinctly.
“I agree that we need to talk to her about what we’ve found out. She’ll feel that we’ve invaded her privacy for sure if we try to hide it. Unfortunately, I had other news today. One of the reasons I was late getting back was because I was finalizing my testing. There’s more news we need to break—I was able to confirm that Michael is in no way tied to Nix biologically. It’s just as I thought. She’s too strong to be a part-blood. He’s not her father.” Theo tore the glasses off of his face and pinched the bridge of his nose with his forefingers and thumb. Swearing filled the room, not so much because of the news—we’d all heard the conversation between Theo and Michael in the clearing and had our doubts about her paternity—but because telling Nix was going to be difficult. None of us knew how she would respond to that news, but all of us hoped that it wouldn’t break her.
Five
Nix
I woke up slowly, blinking and looking around before my gaze landed on the window across from me. The sun was streaming through the plain white curtains with lace trim, and I briefly wondered who had furnished this guest room. I didn’t think they had let another girl in here to decorate it and it definitely wasn’t Rini’s style. The room had an older feel to it between the lacy curtains and the rocking chair. I smiled, realizing that it had to have been one of their mothers. I was going to need to find out so I could tease them about it.
Sitting up, I stretched and then winced. God, I needed a shower and a hairbrush. How long had I been asleep? After initially waking up, I had fallen asleep again until now. A rebirth had never knocked me out so hard in my entire life.
A low hum came through the mental link, a connection that I could almost feel now. I didn’t want to startle you when you woke up, but I wanted you to know that we’re not far. I’m in the kitchen.
Mmm, food. My stomach growled at that very moment, and Damien chuckled.
I promise to feed you. Why don’t you get cleaned up? It will help you feel refreshed. I’ll have something ready for you when you come down.
Thanks. Don’t judge me, but this may take a while. I needed a long, searingly hot shower to scald the grimy feeling off my skin and prepare myself to jump back into the swing of things. I had been down long enough and needed to step up and reinsert myself back into my life. My strength was coming back, and after days of sleep, I was ready to move on.
Standing up, I pulled the large t-shirt I was wearing down around my hips and spotted my familiar purple suitcase in the corner of the room. Rini must have brought me some of my things. My heart ached as I thought of her. I needed to call her today and apologize. Maybe she would be up for coming over after her classes ended for the day.