Chapter Seven
“You know how much I hate crowds when I don’t have to be around them, Kyla. I can’t believe you talked me into coming here tonight.” Jocelyn released a resigned sigh as she parked the car at the side of one of the biggest bars in the county.
“I’m not exactly fond of them either, but I thought it might be good for you to get out of the house. Besides, you said this place had some of the best ribs in Texas. I, for one, am looking forward to finding out if it’s true and partaking in a full rack of the greasiest, messiest and juiciest ribs this place has to offer. It will be nice to pig out and not worry about calories for once. Mmm.” Kyla moaned as if she were experiencing pure bliss.
Jocelyn eyed Kyla’s slender frame. She was thin enough to still be sought out for runway work but with enough curves to do swimsuit modeling. She had a shape most women starved themselves to achieve. “As if you need to worry about watching your weight. You can eat anything you want without gaining a pound.”
“Maybe so, but when you’re monitored for every single thing you do, it’s easier to do what you’re told rather than argue. Anyway, I’m thirty-one. I only have a few more years before my metabolism slows down to a snail’s pace because you know I’m allergic to exercise. I’m going to enjoy these freaky genes the good Lord blessed me with while I’m still able.”
It had been a long time since Jocelyn had been to the Drunken Lizard. The last time had been with Cade. She really didn’t want to remember the good times because then she would dwell on the “what might have beens”. As tempted as she had been to tell Kyla she didn’t want to come, Jocelyn realized it was just as important for Kyla to get out as well. Considering what her friend had been through not so long ago, a little fun in her life wouldn’t hurt. Besides, they’d choose a table away from the crowd, have a few beers and laugh at the drunks making jackasses of themselves on the mechanical bull.
The second they walked into the joint, Jocelyn knew she shouldn’t have come. The bar was more crowded and rowdier than she remembered it being, and then it occurred to her that Sundays used to be Live Band night which usually drew a bigger audience.
Kyla placed her hand on Jocelyn’s shoulder. “If you don’t want to go in there, we can get take out at that Italian place we passed and eat back at the ranch.”
Jocelyn shook her head. She’d taken a huge step in her recovery by coming back to this part of the world. The only way she’d overcome her fears would be to face them head on and if that meant being around a crowd of people then so be it. As a designer, she had to mingle at parties all the time and attend shows with large audiences, but they were business and somehow she managed to deal with it. This, though, was more personal. “Thanks, Kyla, I’ll be okay. I should think you’d be more wary about coming here. Someone is bound to recognize you.”
Kyla waved her hand dismissively. “When I’m not in full war paint or sporting big hair, hardly anyone notices me. Besides, I’m dressed to blend in.”
Jocelyn’s gaze raked up and down Kyla’s nearly six foot frame encased in a pair of jeans so tight it was a wonder she could breathe. The yellow off-the-shoulder midriff top showed off the model’s flat stomach and a wealth of mahogany skin to perfection. Her outfit was finished off with a pair of black cowboy boots and some silver hoop earrings. Even with a minimal amount of makeup, Kyla looked like a million bucks and Jocelyn was sure her friend would get her fair share of attention tonight.
The establishment had first come first serve seating, so sometimes getting a table could be a bit tricky. Tonight however, most of the patrons were at the bar or on the dance floor. As they made their way toward one of the empty tables, someone called out their names.
“Jocelyn! Kyla!”
She looked over to see Decker and Ridge sitting at a large table with a bored-looking blonde in tow. Jocelyn was actually pleased to see them. Having people she knew around her took away some of her nervousness. “What are you guys doing here?”
Decker and Ridge stood. Only a year apart, most people mistook them for twins because they looked so much alike with their russet hair, green eyes and lopsided grins. Decker leaned over to give her a kiss on the cheek. “Thought we’d come out for a night out on the town. Why don’t you ladies sit with us? We have a couple empty seats.”
Jocelyn looked at Kyla who shrugged in turn. “Well, sure. Thank you for the offer. We’ll sit here,” she said to the hostess before taking the offered seats. Once they’d taken their chairs, she noticed there were three more empty seats. “This seems like an awful large table for three people.”
“Stone is on the dance floor. Tootie managed to corner him tonight.”
Jocelyn grinned. “Is she still chasing him after all these years?”
Decker chuckled. “Yep, without much success. But she’s one determined lady. I don’t think she intends to stop her pursuit until she’s caught her man.”
Jocelyn raised a brow. “Does he want to be caught?”
Decker shot a meaningful glance in Kyla’s direction. “By the right woman he might.”
Kyla was too busy watching the goings on at the bar to notice that silent exchange. Jocelyn knew what her friend’s reaction would be if she knew the sexy rancher had his eye on her. Run like hell.
“Cade went to the bar to get another pitcher of beer,” Ridge offered. “Where are our manners? You haven’t met Misty, have you? She works at the Circle L Range. Misty, this is Jocelyn, an old friend of ours, and Kyla, a new one.”
The blonde nodded in their direction, not bothering to offer her hand. Jocelyn barely noticed because once Ridge mentioned Cade’s name everything ceased to exist. “Cade is here?”
“Yeah, took some convincing for him to come out with us, but we finally managed.” Decker took a healthy swig of beer from his mug. “Hope he gets his ass back soon. I need a refill.”
Kyla leaned over. “Are you okay? Do you still want to stay?” she whispered just loud enough for Jocelyn to hear.
Jocelyn and Cade had crossed paths only once since the incident in the barn a couple days ago. The small talk they’d attempted had seemed so awkward they were both relieved when it ended. She tried not to dwell too much on that scene because to do that was like opening the wound all over again. She wasn’t angry at him for what he’d done. Jocelyn had expected him to be angry with her, but it caused her a great deal of grief to know she still affected him this way. Coming home, she’d fully expected him to have moved on with his life. In some ways he had, but romantically he had not from what she had gathered through conversations with other people.
As painful as it was, she’d have to pretend she didn’t love him anymore in hopes that he could move on and find someone who could give him the things he deserved in a woman—the very things she couldn’t provide to him. Seeing Cade hurting nearly made her break down and tell him the truth until he held her in his arms and reality bitch slapped her in the face. His kiss had underlined the very reason why they couldn’t be together and he had to go on believing the worst of her.
Stone returned to the table and took the seat opposite Kyla. “Well this is a pleasant surprise. What brings you ladies to the Drunken Lizard tonight?”
“We thought we’d have ladies night out. And I was promised ribs,” Kyla answered.
Stone grinned. “The portion sizes are pretty big here. Do you think you can handle it?”
“You’d be surprised with what I can handle,” Kyla returned, glancing at her menu.
“Oh yeah? Think you can handle a dance?” Stone’s eyes twinkled mischievously.
“Believe it or not I can’t dance.”
“Can’t or won’t,” Stone challenged.
“A little of both. I’m unfortunately a rare breed: a black woman who has no rhythm. So I’ll do you a favor and save your toes from getting stepped on.”
“What happened to Tootie?” Ridge asked. “She was clinging to you like a cheap suit on the dance floor. How did you manage to get rid of her?”
“I told her I had a contagious rash.” Stone returned his attention to Kyla. “While I appreciate your concern for my toes, I’ll take the chance.”
Kyla raised her head from the menu. “No.” It was a simple declination but there was an undercurrent to her tone that brooked no further discussion.
“Maybe another time, then.”
“I doubt it, cowboy.”
The easy smile on Stone’s face fell and Jocelyn would have felt sorry for him if she weren’t so anxious about Cade’s return to the table. How would he act when he saw her?
No sooner did the thought enter her head than Cade came back to the table with two pitchers. He stopped short when he saw Jocelyn sitting at the table.
Though he didn’t say a word, his blue gaze said it all: what the hell are you doing here?
Jocelyn wanted to flee, but realized by doing so she’d cause a scene. The only seat open was the one between her and Misty, and Cade didn’t seem as if he wanted to take it.
“Put the beers down,” Ridge demanded.
Cade hesitated for another moment before complying. “Jocelyn. Kyla.” He gave each woman a curt nod before taking the empty seat.
Misty, who had been sitting quietly, became animated. She pushed out her boobs and pouted. “What took you so long, baby? I thought you’d never return.”
Cade chuckled. “Sweetheart, I couldn’t stay away from you if I tried.”
Decker leaned forward. “It’s been like this all night. I have a barf bag for you if you need it.”
Jocelyn knew Decker was attempting to lighten the mood for her, but seeing Cade flirt with Misty didn’t sit well with her. The more she attempted to ignore it, Cade seemed to increase the intensity, leaning over to whisper in the blonde’s ears, making the woman giggle in an annoying high-pitched squeal.
Stone stood abruptly. “Jocelyn, how about a spin on the dance floor?”
She was grateful for an opportunity to escape Cade and Misty.
“He’s hurting, you know,” Stone said once they were away from the others. “Cade’s probably not handling it in the best way, but give him some time.”
“I don’t know how much more of this I can take. I know I have no right to be jealous of him with another woman and I shouldn’t expect him not to be angry with me. I did end things between us, and I wasn’t exactly nice about it.”
“But you see, Jos, this is the thing I don’t get. Why? I mean I’ve been watching you and I’ve noticed how you react whenever someone so much as mentions his name and the way you look at him when he’s around when you think no one else notices. You still love him, don’t you?”
Nervous laughter trickled from her throat. “Why would you think that? Do you think if I loved him I would have left the ranch the way I did?”
“A simple yes or no would have sufficed. You do, don’t you?” he persisted.
She wished he’d leave well enough alone. Why did everyone around her want to play amateur psychologists? “Stone, you don’t know what you’re talking about and I wish you’d drop the subject.”
“Funny, but Cade says the same thing. Look, Jos, you know I’ve always thought of you as the little sister I never had and I love you like I do my brothers. When you chose not to come back to the ranch all those years ago, I was hurt, too. We all were, but I always believed there had to be more to it than what Cade had told us. It didn’t make sense. I couldn’t believe you’d say those things to him.”
“Well believe it, because I said them and meant it.” By now they’d stopped dancing and were standing in the middle of the floor. “Look, I think I’m going to sit back down. I feel a headache coming on.”
Stone raise a thick black brow, the disbelief in his blue gaze evident. “Do you really or is this your way to end the conversation? I know I’m being a nosey cuss, but when I see two people I care about hurting, I can’t leave matters alone.”
“I know what you’re trying to do, but please, let’s leave the past where it belongs. I chose my career and Cade has obviously moved on.”
“Do you mean Misty?” Stone shook his head. “She’s been trying to get her hooks into Cade for the past few years. He only takes her out occasionally. Don’t you think if it was serious they would have gotten together a while ago? Trust me, Cade is far from moved on.”
“That has nothing to do with me.”
“Not from where I was sitting.”
“Stone, if you care for me like you say you do, you’ll drop the subject. I don’t want to talk about it, and I’m not going to stand here and debate with you on how I might or might not feel.”
“Can I ask you one question first? I promise it has nothing to do with you and Cade.”
She didn’t need to ask what he wanted to talk about. “Kyla?”
For a moment the usually confident man she knew seemed a little uncomfortable. “Yeah. What’s her deal?”
“What do you mean?”
“She’s been blowing me off since she’s been here.”
Jocelyn was conflicted with how much she should tell him. She loved Stone like a brother, but she also loved Kyla like a sister. “I think you should ask her yourself.”
“I would if she wouldn’t keep avoiding me. Is there someone back home she’s seeing?”
“No. But, I’d give her some space if I were you.”
“Why? What’s the matter? Is there something wrong with her?”
“Nothing and it’s really not my place to say. Just leave it be.”
Stone raised a brow. “Are you warning me off?”
“No. But just give her some time. Maybe she’ll come around.”
“And maybe she won’t?”
Jocelyn nodded.
“I see. Is it because I’m white?”
She shook her head. “No. It’s nothing like that. She’s just…look, it’s really not my place to say. Just let it go, okay.”
Stone gave her a long searching look before releasing a sigh. “Fine.” He held out his bent arm to her. “Well at least let me escort you back.”
“Thank you, kind sir.” As Stone led her to their table, the band began to strike up an all too familiar tune: Restless Heart’s “I’ll Still Be Loving You”. How many times had she and Cade danced to that tune at this joint, or under the moonlit sky? Once they were coming back from a trip in town when the song came on the radio, Cade pulled over to the side of the road and they danced right there, holding each other tight, uncaring of the passing motorists.
She halted mid-stride.
Stone paused. “Are you all right?”
“This was our song,” she whispered.
“Do you want me to take you outside for some air.”
Jocelyn shook her head. “Take me back.” She didn’t want Cade to see how much it affected her.
Couples began to pair up around them and all Jocelyn could think of was getting back to her table and praying the blasted song would hurry up and end. Was she deliberately being tested? She released her grip on Stone’s arm and somehow made it to the table on wobbly legs. Just as she approached, Cade stood, pulling Misty along with him. “I think it’s time we hit the road.”
“But you promised me a dance before we left and I love this song.” Misty rubbed her boobs against Cade’s shoulder, and pouted. “Pretty please?”
Jocelyn wanted to throw up. If Cade danced with that bleach-blonde hussy to their song, she believed she’d die a little inside.
Cade glanced Jocelyn’s way, his expression unreadable. His mouth tightened briefly. “Another time, Misty. I’ll see you folks later.” He walked off while a disappointed Misty trailed behind.
Jocelyn didn’t know she’d been holding her breath until he was gone and it came out in one relieved whoosh. Even though he didn’t dance with Misty, he’d still gone off with her and was probably going to do God knows what. For the millionth time, she asked herself, when would the hurting stop?
Cade pulled his pickup to a halt in front of Misty’s house. Without bothering to turn off the engine, he unfastened his seatbelt and slid out of his vehicle. When he’d made it to the passenger side to help Misty out, the blonde sported a ferocious frown. She didn’t look the least bit pleased.
Instead of giving him her hands she stayed put, a pout turning down her pink painted lips. She crossed her arms across her chest, showing her displeasure. “You’re not coming inside with me,” she whined.
It took a lot of will power to not roll his eyes. He didn’t have the patience to deal with temper tantrums tonight. Honestly, he didn’t want to take her out tonight in the first place, but he’d missed her birthday because one of the mares went into labor sooner than he expected. He and Misty had been dating off and on for the past year, yet they’d never gone beyond casual dating. Misty hinted that she wanted more, but every time she brought the subject up, Cade managed to change it.
“Not tonight, sweetheart. I have to get back home.”
“Why? To see her?”
Cade stiffened. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. So are you going to get out of the truck or not?”
Baby blue eyes darkened before narrowing into a nasty glare. “Oh, I think you know exactly what I’m talking about. You haven’t been the same ever since your precious Jocelyn came back. Once the famous fashion designer decides to grace us with her presence again, you start treating me like dirt. And furthermore, I have no intention of getting out of this truck until you tell me exactly where we stand. I’m tired of being jerked around by you.”
This night wasn’t going as planned. He thought he’d be able to take Misty out, have a few dances and then get her off his back at least for another two weeks. Seeing Jocelyn looking better than she had a right to had sent his body into a tizzy and far from helped matters.
With a heavy sigh, a realization hit him. For all of her petulance, Misty deserved better than this. He should have been more upfront with her when they first began dating. They’d had some good times, but beyond that there was nothing there, at least not what she was looking for or deserved. He walked around to the side of the truck and switched off the ignition before pocketing the keys. “Let me walk you to your door. We need to talk.”
She clenched her jaw stubbornly and for a moment he thought she might ignore his request, but instead she relented, sliding off the passenger seat though she continued to ignore his offered hand.
Once they were at her front door, she whirled on him, her eyes blazing with ill-disguised rage. “I know perfectly well what it means when a man says he has to talk. You’re breaking up with me because of her.”
Cade rolled his eyes. “First of all, Misty, we were never exclusive so there’s nothing to break off. And second, this has nothing to do with Jocelyn. You don’t know anything about it. You didn’t even live in this town when she was here.”
She shrugged as if what he said didn’t matter. “I hear talk. And word is, she dumped you to pursue a life of fame and fortune. Now that she’s back…”
He refused to rise to the bait. It was pointless getting into an argument with her when the end result would be the same. “Believe what you want, but I don’t think we should see each other anymore. You want more than I can give. I’m sorry I can’t be the man you want.”
His apology didn’t seem to appease her in the least. “Oh, screw you, Cade Devlin. You led me on and you damn well know it.” Before he saw it coming, her hand connected with his cheek in a resounding smack, turning his head to the side.
He didn’t have time to react before she turned, unlocked her door and went inside. She slammed the door behind her with a force that made the wood moan. The side of Cade’s face burned like a motherf*cker, but he welcomed the pain. He probably deserved it.
Standing on Misty’s porch for a moment, he allowed the events of the night to sink in before heading back to his truck. Could he have gotten through the night with Jocelyn sitting across from him if their song hadn’t come on? Their song dammit! He’d smashed many a radio in the first year she’d left when that song was played. After a while he’d just turn to another station, but he couldn’t very well do that at the Drunken Lizard. Coupled with seeing Jocelyn there and wanting to take her in his arm and hold her against him and go back to happier times was too much to deal with.
It had been seven years. Would he ever get over her?
Jocelyn tried desperately to concentrate on the road as they drove home. She and Kyla had only stayed fifteen minutes after Cade and his date had left. It had eaten her up inside to see him leave with that clingy blonde and she could no longer pretend she was having a good time. Besides, more than a few people were sending questioning looks Kyla’s way, making her friend uncomfortable. It wouldn’t have been long before someone recognized her.
The two of them left to the protest of the three remaining Devlin brothers. Now that she was away from the noise and smoke of the crowded bar, Jocelyn was still on edge.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Kyla asked gently.
“There’s nothing to talk about.”
“No? Then I imagined it when your face lost all color the minute Cade walked over to the table? Tell me what really happened.”
Jocelyn swallowed. There was really no point in keeping it in because Kyla had a way of getting things out of her. “They were playing our song. Cade’s and mine.”
“Oh, honey. I’m so sorry. That must have been tough. I guess that explains his abrupt departure. Call it a hunch, but I doubt that blonde friend of his is getting lucky tonight.”
“She was clinging to him like a vine. I’m sure she’ll have an exhilarating evening.” Cade had every right to find happiness with someone else, but actually seeing him with Misty tore her apart.
“I doubt that. When you were on the dance floor with Stone, he couldn’t tear his eyes away from you, much to the annoyance of his little friend. If you ask me, that man still has it bad for you. And you still have feelings for him.”
Jocelyn laughed nervously. “That’s not true.”
“It’s not true that you don’t still love him.”
“No. I do still love him, but I doubt he loves me anymore.”
“If you think that, then you’re crazy. Jos, why don’t you tell him what happened?”
Jocelyn slammed on the brakes, stopping the car in the middle of the road. Thankfully they were wearing their seatbelts but the suddenness of her action sent them jerking against their restraints.
“What the hell!” Kyla protested.
“I’m sorry, but absolutely in no circumstances will I tell him. I’m not going to condemn him to the rest of his life with someone like me. He deserves a wife who can provide him with things I cannot.”
“He deserves to be told the truth. I doubt he’d appreciate you taking that decision from his hands.”
“No. And this is not up for discussion. I don’t want to talk about it.”
“But—”
“I said no!” she screamed.
“Whoa.” Kyla put her hands up. “I’ll drop it then.”
“Thank you.” Jocelyn set the vehicle in motion again. After driving for a few more minutes, she’d cooled down sufficiently. It wasn’t Kyla’s fault she was all screwed up. She was only trying to be a friend. “I’m sorry, Ky. Please forgive me?”
The model nodded readily. “Of course I will. I’m sorry I nagged you about it.”
“You meant well.”
Kyla grinned. “I did, didn’t I? And you, by the way, you owe me a slab of ribs. I didn’t get to eat them.”
“You could have asked for them to go.”
“I suppose but that would have required waiting around longer than I thought you’d be comfortable with. It’s fine. I was starting to get really tired anyway.”
Jocelyn frowned. “Are you okay? Is one of your headaches coming on?”
“No. Just fatigued, but if I don’t get to bed soon, I think I will get one.”
“I feel responsible for this. You’re supposed to be here to rest and you’re spending all your time worrying about me.”
“Don’t blame yourself. I’m fine. It’s nothing a good night’s sleep won’t cure. The question of the hour is; will you be all right?”
After a brief pause, Jocelyn finally nodded, feeling nothing could be further from the truth.