Chapter Ten
Cade knew Jocelyn was avoiding him, but he wasn’t going to allow this madness to continue, not when he knew she still loved him. For some misguided reason, she believed he would blame her for what happened and that her not being able to conceive would affect how he felt. Not only was she wrong, he was silently offended she believed his love to be so shallow.
When she’d confessed her fears to him, he wanted to strangle her for thinking his love so fickle he’d care about something so shallow. Yes, it would be nice to have a few kids to call him dad, but the only mother he wanted for his children was Jocelyn and if that wasn’t possible, he didn’t want kids. As long as he had her nothing else mattered, and he would do everything in his power to prove it to her.
Since he’d confronted her at her father’s house, Cade had only seen her a few times and each of those instances, he was called away to see to one of the animals, or help with branding the cattle or to fix something. This morning, however, he got up earlier than he usually did to complete his regular chores, allowing him to set aside time to see Jocelyn.
Glancing at his watch, he figured this would be about the time she’d be having tea with Aunt Earlene. Anticipation beat a tattoo against his chest as he thought of seeing her again.
When he entered his aunt’s parlor, Jocelyn nearly jumped out of her chair.
Earlene beamed. “Cade, fancy seeing you here at this time of day. I thought I heard Stone mention something about branding some cattle today. You’re so good with the animals I thought you’d be out there with him.”
“I told him I’d join him later. There’s something a little more important I need to take care of at the moment. I hope you don’t think I’m rude, but would you mind so much if I stole your lovely guest for a minute or two? There’s something we need to discuss.”
Aunt Earlene looked from him to Jocelyn, and then back to him again as if she were trying to discern what was going on. “Sure, I don’t mind. You two go ahead.”
Cade held his hand out to Jocelyn. “Let’s take a walk.”
She hesitated for a moment, looking at him as if he was insane. Standing with obvious reluctance, Jocelyn ignored his hand and walked out of the living room leaving him no choice but to follow her. Once they were a few feet away from the house, she rounded on him. “Cade, why can’t you leave well enough alone?”
“Did you think I was bluffing when I said I wasn’t going to leave you alone this time around? If that’s the case, then I have news for you, sweetheart, I’m not going to let you get away from me this time.”
She expelled her breath in a frustrated huff. “Too much time has passed. We’re not the same people we used to be. I’ve made a new life for myself and you have to help run the ranch. Once the wedding is over, I plan on going back to New York.”
“And I’m going with you.”
A gasp tumbled from her mouth. “Are you crazy? This place is your life! You’d walk away from it just like that?”
“No, you’re my life, Jocelyn. One thing these past seven years have taught me is this place means nothing without you. Yes, I’d miss it and it would take some getting used to not being here anymore, but I’d have a tougher time living without you.”
“But what would you do with your share of the ranch?”
“I’d sell out to my brothers.”
“Cade, you’re being ridiculous. You wouldn’t enjoy living in the city. You’re used to getting up at the crack of dawn and working until sunset. You’d be bored to tears within a week.”
“We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it. What matters is how we feel for each other.” He knew she was trying to push him away, but Cade wouldn’t let her put him off. Yes, it would be hard leaving the ranch behind, the only life he knew, but he’d given it a lot of thought and he wanted to be there for Jocelyn. Obviously, her career was important to her so if she wasn’t willing to live at Devlin Ranch, he was prepared to go wherever she went.
Guilt assailed him at the thought of how she must have suffered through her ordeal alone, and it hurt him that she’d chosen not to share something so important with him. He wasn’t so selfish as to not understand her reasoning behind it, but Cade was determined to never let any more harm come to her. If that meant he’d have to leave Texas, then it was a price he was willing to pay to be with her.
She lowered her lashes over her sherry eyes. “I don’t know what to say, Cade.”
“You don’t have to say a word, just accept I’m in this for the long haul. I love you, Jos.” He grasped her chin, forcing her to look him in the eyes. “And I think you know. I know you love me, too. After I put you to bed the other day, you whispered my name in a way that touched my soul. You were dreaming about me. I couldn’t have imagined the way you snuggled against my body and whimpered when I shifted positions because subconsciously, you thought I was going away. Your mouth may say one thing, but your heart is telling an entirely different tale, isn’t it?”
“Don’t you see how impossible it would be for us to be together? There’s just too much water under the bridge. How could you ever be happy with half a woman?”
His grip on her chin tightened, and he pressed his lips tightly together in a thin line to bite back the angry retort threatening to spill out. A wave of anger washed over him. Anger at those animals who’d obviously destroyed her self-worth as a woman. Anger at Jocelyn for trying to push him out of her life. And anger at himself for not being there for her. “Don’t ever let me hear you say those words again. Just because you may not be able to produce doesn’t define your femininity. It’s what’s in here.” He placed his hand against her heart. “There’s only one thing you can say to me that would make me go away.”
She raised one finely arched brow. “And what’s that?”
“That you don’t love me.”
Jocelyn turned her head away from him and crossed her arms over her chest. “Fine. I don’t love you.”
“Look at me and say that.”
She shook her head, her body beginning to tremble.
“Jocelyn?”
“I-I already said it. What more do you want from me?”
“To mean it.”
She glared at him with tear-filled eyes and she lowered her hands to her sides, clenching and unclenching them into fists. “I-I don’t… Damn you, Cade Devlin. You’re only going to end up getting hurt if you pursue this.”
He inched closer toward Jocelyn and gently pulled her against him. “You can’t say it, because you do love me.” Cade’s gaze fell on her quivering pink lips, so full and inviting him to taste.
With a groan, he lowered his head to sample her sweetness. He felt her resistance as she remained stiff in his arms, giving nothing away, but as his mouth roamed over hers, Jocelyn’s lips softened beneath his. She parted her lips with a soft sigh, granting him the access he so desired.
His cock jumped to attention as she pressed her body against his. She was so soft and warm, and holding her again like this only reaffirmed what his heart had been telling him all along. He’d love this woman until the day he died. What he really wanted to do was take her someplace secluded, lay her down and make sweet love to her until they were deaf, blind, and dumb to everything except each other.
His fingers twined through her hair as she pushed her tongue forward to meet his, tentatively, at first and then more boldly. She tasted like heaven and Cade didn’t want to let her go. This woman had created a fire within him he knew would not be extinguished.
“Cade,” she moaned into his mouth.
Something clicked in the back of his mind. They were standing in front of Aunt Earlene’s house for anyone to come by and see him. And he knew his aunt wasn’t above doing a little spying. She could have been peeping out the window at this very moment. Though he didn’t want the kiss to end, he knew he had to do it.
Raising his head with regret, he stroked the side of her face. “Ah, Jocelyn. If we keep this up, I’m going to toss you on the ground and make love to you right here and now.”
She stiffened, a frown marring her forehead.
“What’s the matter, baby?”
“This kiss. It was…wonderful.”
A smirk of pure masculine pride tilted the corners of his lips. “Tell me about it. So why the long face?”
“It’s been so long since I’ve felt like that. I didn’t think I would ever enjoy intimacy without thinking about…”
“You don’t have to say it.”
“But I do. That kiss, while fantastic, was a little scary for me, because what if I can’t feel anything beyond that. What if I’m not able to respond to you? Those are my concerns, Cade. Can you honestly say you can live a celibate life if I can’t get aroused?”
“There’s only one way to figure that out. Come to my place tonight.”
“Cade—”
He placed his finger over her lips. “All you have to say is yes. We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. Do you trust me?”
“Yes, but—”
“No buts, Jocelyn. Say you’ll come. I’ll rustle up something for us to eat and then we’ll take it from there. If all you want to do is hold hands and watch old movies on the tube, then that will be fine with me. But if you want more, I’ll be more than ready for you, darling. Say yes.” He dropped a light peck on her lips.
“Yes.”