Chapter Three
Jocelyn halted at the door of the old house she’d spent many hours of her childhood exploring. She couldn’t do it. He was in there. Though she’d tried her best to come up with a suitable excuse for not coming, she knew she couldn’t gracefully bow out of dinner without hurting Aunt Earlene’s feelings.
Kyla gently pushed her forward. “You’ll have to go in sometime, Jos. Standing here won’t change things.”
“I know, but it’s easier said than done.”
“Look, you thought things would be awkward between you and your father and look what happened? He was genuinely pleased to see you.”
Jocelyn didn’t bother to correct her friend on that particular notion. Yes, her father had been happy at their reunion, but over the last couple days there’d been a reserve in his manner around her. It was almost as if he didn’t know what to say to her. It was a bit sad considering how close they had once been. Her father was her best friend. There had been a time when she could go to him for absolutely anything. Theirs was the kind of father and daughter relationship television shows were based on. But she’d destroyed all of that. And this distance was a result.
If her own father wasn’t himself around her, how would Aunt Earlene be? What about Decker and Ridge? At least she’d have Stone and Kyla in her corner, but would that be enough to get her through this dinner?
Jocelyn took deep breaths to calm her jumbled nerves and hoped she wasn’t about to have a full-blown panic attack. When she was in her Jos Song persona, world-renowned fashion designer, she found a way to brazen through. She was confident and sure of herself. But she’d left her alter ego back in New York. There was no mask to hide behind. Here she was simply Jocelyn Winters. Turning around, she shook her head vehemently. “I can’t do it.” She turned around and attempted to turn away.
Her friend blocked her way, standing with arms akimbo and a take-one-more-step-and-I’ll-kill-you look. “You’ve come this far and I’m not letting you run away now. If I can get through a dinner with a bunch of people I don’t know, I think you can manage. You know how I am with strangers.”
“They won’t be strangers for long. Anyway, it’s not the same. These are people I’ve stayed away from for a long time. Maybe there’ll be some resentment.”
“If that was the case, I doubt a dinner party would be thrown in your honor. If I can get through this night, I know you can.”
“I’m scared.”
Kyla took her hand and gave it a light squeeze. “You’ll be fine, girl. They’ll all be glad to see you.”
Jocelyn sighed, she knew at least one person wouldn’t but she appreciated the gesture. “Well, I know someone who’ll be eager to see you.”
“Me? Who?”
“Stone, silly. You’d have to blind not to notice how he looked at you the other day.”
Kyla rolled her eyes. “He was probably being polite, not that it matters anyway. I’ve sworn off men for good. And stop stalling. It’s not going to work. Your dad and Lavern are probably wondering what’s keeping you. Now turn around and knock on the door before I do it for you.”
“I can—”
Leaning forward, Kyla rapped on the door and then pulled back with a smug smile curving her glossy lips. “There. Now, it’s too late to run off.”
It was on the tip of Jocelyn’s tongue to tell Kyla where to shove it when the door opened.
“My word.” Aunt Earlene, the ageless matron of the Devlin Ranch, grinned, showing every single one of her teeth. “Don’t you look prettier than a sunset on a summer’s day? Come here, girl, and give me a hug.”
She found herself engulfed in Aunt Earlene’s arms and inhaling the sweet smells of home she’d missed in her absence. There was no doubting the sincerity in the older woman’s welcome. Jocelyn quickly glanced behind her to see Kyla looking smug as if she’d know things would turn out this way all along.
So far so good. If her initial meeting with her father and Stone was anything to go by, seeing Decker and Ridge again would be a piece of cake. She could only hope. Her father and Stone’s reception made her feel so at home, she almost couldn’t remember why she’d stayed away for so long. Then, it would all come back to her. She was no longer whole. Being around the people she loved, holding in her secret was too much for her to handle. Maybe it still was, but she couldn’t back out now.
When she opened her mouth to speak, the words caught in her throat, choking her. Biting back a sob, she buried her face against Aunt Earlene’s neck. She smelled of lemons and homemade chocolate chip cookies, scents she held dear. How many times had she come to this woman whenever she had a problem, a boo boo to kiss or simply for a hug? This woman had been the mother figure to her when Jocelyn’s own mom had passed.
The older woman stroked her hair, squeezing Jocelyn’s petite frame against her massive bosom. “There’s no need for tears, sweetie.”
Jocelyn raised her head to meet warm, smiling brown eyes. “I’m so sorry I haven’t been in contact for so long. I should have called at least. Can you forgive me?”
Aunt Earlene pulled back to brush away the tears dangling from the corner of Jocelyn’s eyes. “Aww, sugar, there’ll be none of that. This is a celebration. You’re home and that’s what’s important. Let’s leave the past where it belongs.” She looked past Jocelyn’s shoulder with lifted brows. “And who’s your pretty friend?”
Thankful for a chance to change the subject, Jocelyn held out her hand to her friend and brought Kyla forward. “This is my very best friend, Kyla. Kyla, this is Aunt Earlene, she’s the glue that holds the Devlin family together.”
Kyla held out her hand. “It’s nice to meet you, Miss Earlene. Jocelyn’s been singing your praises since our arrival.”
The older woman waved her hand dismissively and pulled Kyla into her embrace. “We don’t stand on formality in this home. You can call me Aunt Earlene as well, everyone else does.” A frown turned down the corners of her lips. “Have we met before?”
Kyla stiffened slightly but just enough for Jocelyn to catch the movement. “Uh, I guess I just have that kind of face.” Nervous laughter trickled from Kyla’s throat and her dark eyes widened. Jocelyn likened it to a deer caught in headlights. She knew it well.
Aunt Earlene wasn’t so easily swayed, giving Kyla a long, hard look. “No. I’m almost certain of it. Are you related to the Cartwrights by any chance?”
Kyla shook her head. “No. I don’t have much family. Just my mother.”
“Hmm, but I just know I’ve seen you somewhere. Are you sure we haven’t met? I may be getting up there in years, but I never forget a face.”
Kyla shifted uncomfortably. “Well I…”
“Umm, shouldn’t we be going in?” Jocelyn intervened, hooking her arm through Aunt Earlene’s.
“Where are my manners? Of course. Come on in, you two. Dinner is ready. Gertie will have a fit if we let it get cold.” Earlene sighed.
Once Jocelyn stepped inside the house, memories came flooding back to her. Not much had changed. The family portrait still rested in the same silver gilded frame on the table when you walked into the hallway. It still smelled like cinnamon and coffee and most of the furniture was still in the same spot. The house was large without being ostentatious, looking lived in and welcoming rather than cold and museum like as many of the large houses she’d been in.
Now that she’d hurried them all inside, Jocelyn wished she hadn’t. A knot of dread twisted in the pit of her stomach as they drew closer to the dining room. They’d all be there. He’d be there.
“Look, who’s come and joined us.” Earlene was all smiles.
Ridge and Decker pushed away from the table and stood before striding toward her. “Squirt, is that you?” Ridge made it to her first, all smiles. He’d filled out a bit, but for the most part he looked the same.
Releasing the deep breath she’d been holding on to, Jocelyn smiled, allowing him to lift her off the ground in a big bear hug. “I’m hardly a squirt. You’re just really tall.” She laughed hugging him back as hard as she could. “Good to see you again.”
“You’ve been gone way too long, squirt.” Ridge placed her back on her feet and dropped a kiss on her forehead. “Don’t let the next visit take so long, okay?”
Before Jocelyn could reply, Decker gave his brother a playful shove and grabbed Jocelyn, twirling her around. She giggled. “Put me down. You’re making me dizzy.”
Decker grinned, putting her back down as instructed. “You look great. New York has been kind to you. We’re all so proud of how your career turned out.”
Jocelyn felt shy all of a sudden at the mention of her career. “Thank you. Um, Ridge, Decker, this is my good friend Kyla who’s visiting with me.”
Decker smiled wolfishly as he eyed the tall beauty up and down. He took her hand in his and brought it to his lips. “Any close friend of Jocelyn’s is a close friend of mine, or at least I hope so.”
Ridge took the model’s other hand. “Don’t listen to him, sweetness. He’s full of hot air. Nice to meet you.”
“Okay, give the lady some room,” Stone growled, appearing at their side like lightning. He took Kyla by the elbow and guided her away from his brothers. “Sit next to me.” There was a note of command in that invitation.
Kyla moistened her lips with the tip of her tongue and glanced Jocelyn’s way. Help me was stamped all over her face.
Jocelyn hooked her arm through Kyla’s. “She’s sitting by me.”
Aunt Earlene objected. “Now don’t you all go messing up my seating arrangements.” The laid-back matron quickly morphed into drill sergeant at the mention of her dinner seating being tampered with. “Kyla, you can sit next to Ridge on the end, and Jocelyn can sit with Cade.”
The moment she’d feared since her arrival was finally here and all she wanted to do was bolt. Though the need to turn around and leave without a backward glance seized her, she somehow found the nerve to remain where she stood. Reluctantly, she sought Cade out among the diners.
Before she could help herself, a gasp escaped her lips when her gaze collided with a pair of piercing blue eyes narrowed with blatant hostility. The old cliché if looks could kill came to mind, but it wasn’t a strong enough description. Not only would she be dead on the spot, she’d be six feet under as well. Never had she been on the other end of so much contempt, and it twisted her on the insides. Yet, she couldn’t break eye contact.
Cade Devlin. The first man she’d truly loved, and probably the only one she ever would. Her breath came out in short pants and her heart beat at an erratic pace. The pure hatred radiating from him held her paralyzed. Even if she wanted to move, Jocelyn couldn’t. She’d expected some hard feelings, but not this animosity so strong she could feel it in her bones. The tension must have been felt by Kyla too because she sprang to her rescue.
“Aunt Earlene, if you don’t mind very much, could I switch places with Jocelyn? I hate to cause trouble but I have this thing about being close to a window.”
Jocelyn knew what Kyla was doing and she appreciated her for it. It was one thing to sit at the same table with him glaring at her throughout dinner, but being so close to him, there would have been no hope of eating a single bite.
Earlene sighed as if she realized her seating chart was doomed, but ever the gracious hostess, she nodded accommodatingly. “Of course, sweetheart.”
Kyla grasped Jocelyn’s arm, forcing her to tear her gaze from the angry blond still shooting daggers at her with his eyes. The concern marring the other woman’s face was enough to snap Jocelyn out of her small panic attack. Pasting a smile on her face, she waved at her father and Lavern, who were already seated, as she moved to take her seat next to Ridge.
After taking her seat, she realized this arrangement wasn’t much better because Cade sat across the table. Though one chair over from her direct line of vision, he was still close enough for her to catch him out the corner of her eye. This was going to be a long dinner. She silently prayed for the strength to get through it without having a complete freak out.
Gertie came out of the kitchen to announce dinner would be out shortly. She gave Jocelyn a brief nod of acknowledgement before heading back to her domain. Jocelyn took no offense at the other woman’s abruptness. Gertie wasn’t much on words or displaying emotion, but her heart was usually in the right place. She’d been the family’s cook for as long as Jocelyn could remember. But despite her gruffness, she was a big softie on the inside.
Aunt Earlene took her place at the head of the table and turned a ferocious frown on her youngest nephew. “Cade, where are your manners, boy. Aren’t you going to greet Jocelyn?”
Cade raised a dark blond brow. “I’m sorry. Is it my turn?” He turned that steely gaze back in her direction. “Jocelyn,” he said with barely a nod.
She swallowed what felt like a huge lump in her throat. “Hello, Cade. It…it’s good to see you again.”
He snorted. “Yeah?”
She was saved from replying when the cook wheeled dinner out from the kitchen. She could have kissed Gertie right then. Jocelyn took a deep breath, vowing not to let him get under her skin.
When her meal was served, she focused on her food. Jocelyn’s mouth watered. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad after all. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d seen food like this. This particular meal was one of her favorites: barbequed beef brisket, string beans, white potatoes and cornbread. “Looks good, Gertie.” Jocelyn smiled at the older woman. “I can’t wait to dig in.”
Gertie grunted in acknowledgement, a hint of a smile twisting her thin lips.
“There’s no need for you to be so patronizing. A sophisticated palate like yours is probably used to caviar and lobster,” Cade drawled. “Too bad, you’ll have to eat what the rest of us little people do for the night.”
Jocelyn froze. She should have gone with her first instinct and ran out the door when she had the chance, but now that she’d taken her seat there was no way she could ease out of this situation gracefully. Finally finding her voice, she managed to reply with a smile she could barely maintain. “This looks just fine. Actually, I’m not a big lobster and caviar fan. I find this much more appealing.”
Cade leaned forward with a smirk twisting those sensual lips which he’d once used to kiss her all over. “My apologies, ma’am. I forgot you sophisticated New York types drink your meals.” He exaggerated his accent as he pronounced each word.
Someone at the table gasped.
“Cade,” someone else hissed.
Heat rushed to her cheeks and she was sure her face was bright red. This was going to be more difficult than she thought. Especially if he planned on throwing rude comments her way through the duration of dinner. She bit the inside of her cheek in order to focus on the physical pain rather than the gripping emotional ache shredding her soul.
The tension sizzling between them was so thick most of the others around the dinner table shifted uncomfortably in their seats. Jocelyn dared to look up to see Cade still staring at her as though he would rather see her in hell than to share a meal with her. He hated her, just as she’d known he would. It’s what she’d intended during their last encounter. She told herself this was something she needed to deal with. If only she could get through this night.
Trying to defuse the unease whirling around the dinner table she tried to laugh. But it sounded forced, even to her. “I’m sure some of them do, but I’ve been too busy focusing on my work to think about the eating habits of New Yorkers.” Quiet fell across the table as everyone focused on their meals. She caught her father’s gaze and he looked pissed. He looked as if he wanted to strangle Cade and he just might have if Jocelyn hadn’t shaken her head. She didn’t want any trouble, especially on her behalf. Cade was hurting and she was the cause. He was entitled to his pain.
She forked a couple bites of beef into her mouth and realized to her regret her appetite was long gone. Jocelyn saw Kyla had given up all pretense of eating and moved her food across her plate. Aunt Earlene looked around the table, bewilderment knitting her brows.
“Jocelyn,” Ridge broke the uncomfortable silence swarming around everyone, “tell us what it’s like becoming a famous designer and living in the big city.”
She shrugged, all her enthusiasm over seeing everyone again gone. “It’s actually not as thrilling as it sounds. Admittedly, if you’re new to New York it’s fun and there’s lot to do and it’s scary and exciting all at once. It’s truly the city that never sleeps. I can’t think of anywhere in the world where I can get a slice of cheesecake at three in the morning on the way to a club that doesn’t close until well into the morning. But after a while, the novelty wears off and all the glitz and glamour fades and it’s just another city. Like I said, I spent most of my days working and most nights doing the same. My workload has only increased since I broke away from The House of Buccini to start my own label. I’m one of the lucky ones though. I’ve had a surprising amount of success, but for every success story, there are thousands of would-be designers who’d give their eyeteeth to be in my position. So it motivates me to work that much harder to get to a point where I can spread my wings a bit and try out other venues.”
“Like what?” Decker asked, seeming genuinely interested.
“I’ve been asked by a major department retailer to go into partnerships with them to design an affordable line for the everyday working woman. The idea is really appealing. I like doing high fashion, but not everyone can afford my designs. But with this new line, more women will be able to wear my stuff. I’m also branching out to menswear and household products.”
“Whew!” Aunt Earlene chuckled. “How ever do you find the time, child? I bet you’re awful proud of our Jossy, aren’t you, Jack?”
Her father nodded. “Sure am.” Jocelyn wondered at that because he hadn’t mentioned it since she’d been home but she decided not to dwell on it.
“We all knew you’d make it. You have way too much talent not to,” Stone added.
A faint smile touched the corners of Jocelyn’s lips, but just as quickly as it came, it left the second her gaze collided with Cade’s again. She lowered her head, concentrating on the contents of her plate, even though the sight of the food that had tempted her only minutes before was beginning to make her stomach turn. Not because it looked unappetizing, but her nerves were getting the better of her. She glanced away from it and attempted to inject some enthusiasm in her voice. “The project I’m looking forward to most is designing Lavern’s wedding dress.”
Lavern blushed. “Who would have thought I’d be wearing a wedding gown designed by a famous fashion designer. The ladies at church are going to be pea green with envy.”
Jack gave his fiancée a fond smile. “You’ll look beautiful in whatever you wear, my dear.”
The obvious affection her father felt toward his future bride touched Jocelyn. He deserved some happiness in his life.
Aunt Earlene shook her head in apparent wonder. “My word, child, I remember when you used to make clothes for your dolls on my old sewing machine, and they were good, too. And you have a fancy name to go with all that success. Did you choose your pseudonym for your mother?”
Jocelyn nodded. “I wanted to honor her memory.”
Aunt Earlene smiled, her head bobbing up and down in her apparent approval. “You always were such a thoughtful girl. Mei would have been so proud. I’m sure she’s in heaven watching over you. I’m so glad you realized your dream. “
“Thank you. That means a lot.” Her mother had died from breast cancer when Jocelyn was five but the connection she’d felt to her was still strong.
“I’m not sure if I should ask for your autograph. I’ve never been in the presence of a real celebrity before,” Decker teased.
Jocelyn squirmed in her chair, slightly embarrassed with the praise, especially with Cade shooting daggers her way from the other end of the table. “I’m just happy I’ve been able to make a living doing something I love.”
“And so modest. I always knew you’d be someone special,” Earlene continued.
“Jocelyn was always something special. We’re all very proud of her accomplishments. She’s done us proud.” Her father beamed, his green eyes twinkling. “Earlene is right you know. Your mama would have been so pleased, gal.”
Jocelyn’s eyes moistened. “Thanks, Daddy.”
In an abrupt movement that caught everyone off guard, Cade pushed away from the table and stood so quickly he shook the table. “What the hell is wrong with you people? Am I the only one who’s sickened by this? How can you all sit around pretending like everything is all right?”
Jocelyn’s mouth fell open. He’d been stewing for the past few minutes, but she figured he’d keep quiet. This outburst however, was beyond anything she expected. Though Cade’s words were directed at everyone, his gaze was firmly fixed on her. And he was pissed. His face was red to the root of his blond locks and his nostrils were flared.
“Cade, sit down,” Stone barked at his brother.
“Yeah, you’re being an ass, Cade,” Decker yelled.
“Hell no! You all might want to sit around and act like everything is hunky dory, but how can you forget how she turned her back on all of us, claiming we weren’t good enough for her. Lavern, I wouldn’t get my hopes up if I were you about that dress. She’s good at changing her mind. Jack, hasn’t she broken your heart enough already? How do you know she’ll stick around long enough for your wedding and if she does, when she’s gone again, how many more years will it be before she comes back?”
Jack’s mouth firmed to one thin line. “She’s my daughter, Cade. And I’d appreciate it if you watch your tone when you speak of her.”
Cade snorted. “Exactly. She’s your daughter. For all that seemed to matter to her! While she was off leading the glamorous life, she couldn’t be bothered to visit when you had your heart attack.”
Jack stood up and glared at the younger man. “I don’t care if I work you, but you will not talk to my daughter that way!”
Lavern grabbed his arm. “Jack, don’t get worked up…your blood pressure.”
Jocelyn’s hand flew to her mouth. “Daddy? What’s he talking about?”
Cade’s glare intensified. “Don’t pretend you didn’t get the calls or the emails. The rest of you can sit around and make believe we’re a big happy family because Jos Song, oh Queen of the high fashion world, decided to grace us with her glorious presence, but I want no part of it.” He turned on the heels of his leather boots and stormed out of the living room, the thundering of his footsteps giving away his mood.
If the earlier silence had been uncomfortable, this was downright awkward. This scene was exactly what she hadn’t wanted. Knowing she wouldn’t be able to do her meal any justice and not wanting to be a further distraction, she threw her napkin on the table and stood up. “I think I’ll head back to Dad’s house, if you guys don’t mind. I’m not really feeling well. I sometimes get these migraines that come on suddenly. I believe once I’ve lain down for a while I’ll feel better.”
Aunt Earlene seemed as if she wanted to protest, but thought better of it. “Of course, dear. But I’ll expect you to come for lunch tomorrow.” Though she spoke gently enough, the quiet authority in her tone brooked no argument.
Jocelyn nodded and then held up her hand when it looked as if Kyla would join her. Right now she needed to be alone. “I’m sorry, Daddy,” she mouthed to him before hurrying away before anyone could spy the tears gathering in her eyes.