Ever Enough

Harper and I took her car and drove towards some of the little boutique shops in town that usually carry the kind of clothing that I found to be too expensive. The street was lined with decorative Fourth of July ribbons on the street lamps, and the windows of the store fronts all showcased their very best along with some sort of red, white, and blue paraphernalia. Harper parked her car outside of a cute little shop called ‘Mingle’. Getting out of her of black Toyota Camry, I stepped up on the sidewalk and raised an eyebrow at Harper.

“What?”

“Mingle?” I said while softly giggling, “If I didn’t know that this was a clothing store I’d think you were taking me out to pick out a man.”

Harper rolled her eyes and said “Oh shut up and get in there. I think your plate is full enough with men at the moment and your wardrobe is in serious need of fixing.”

What on earth did she mean ‘my plate was full of men’? I was married. I had Weston and that was it. I decided to ignore her comment, and followed her into the oddly named store. We walked through the front door and a little bell jingled overhead, probably to let the sales people in back that there were people out front to harass. Just another reason I loved shopping at my large chain stores; nobody bothered me when picking out clothes. These smaller places there was always some stuffy, stuck up person pushing their products on you, telling you how fabulous you looked—even though you probably looked like a fat hippo stuffed in a size six dress when you really wear a size ten—all because they work on commission and need the sale. I tended to be the most gullible person on earth, and I hated that they spent so much time with me that I ended up buying something I didn’t want or need purely because I felt guilty for taking their time. As if on cue, a petite little woman with bright red shoulder length hair walked out of the back with a smile on her face and a look in her eyes that said ‘you are mine!’

“Hello, my name is Sarah and welcome to Mingle! What can I help you ladies with today?”

Oh Jesus, her voice was too perky and she was overly friendly. F*ck a duck I was totally going to spend too much money in here, just what I didn’t want! But I had promised Harper I’d play along, so I guess I’d have to suck it up.

Harper was the first to respond, telling her that we needed a cute cocktail dress. She told her we wanted it in red and she wanted it to be a fitted—but not too short—dress with a flare on the bottom. Sarah said she had a few options for me to try on. Hmmm… maybe I needed to take Harper shopping with me from now on. She knew just what she wanted and didn’t hesitate to ask for it. Sarah began pulling dresses off the rack and putting them in the fitting room while Harper was mingling over by the shoe section. Ha, okay maybe I could see the reason for the name.

“Ok Miss, I have a few for you to try on.”

I followed Sarah into the fitting room and she briefly showed me the dresses she had pulled before exiting, closing the curtain behind her. I turned and began removing my clothes but stopped to take in the selections in front of me. My first thought was that none of the dresses would fit me. But as I took the first dress off the hanger and slid it over my body, I realized that it fit me like a glove. I turned around in the mirror while reaching on the side of me, and zipped the dress up. Yup, just like a glove. Okay so maybe Harper was on to something. The dress was a deep red, almost burgundy, color. It had rouching all around it—making me appear slimmer—and a heart shaped neckline. It was sleeveless and stopped just below mid-thigh. At least I wouldn’t feel like I was being scandalous wearing something this length.

“You ready? I’m not sure I want to try on anymore dresses. This one feels pretty good.”

“Well, get out here and let me see then.” Harper replied.

I pulled the curtain back and took my first step out of the dressing room and moved up on to a platform in front of three mirrors designed to give you a full view. I watched Harper in the mirror and she looked all over my body as I stood in front of her.

“Well?” I pleaded for any sort of reaction from her. Maybe I will be trying on more dresses.

Harper let out a low whistle and gave a motion with her finger for me to spin around. I obliged and stopped when I faced her again. Her face lit up with a huge smile of approval. “Holy shit Em, wait until everyone gets a load of you in that dress.”

“Really, you like it? I mean I love the way that it feels and I don’t think I look so chubby in it. Ow!” I reached up to rub my forehead. Harper had thrown something at my head.

“You shut your filthy mouth! You are not chubby and you never have been. Now try these shoes on and we’ll see if you are a total disaster in heels.”

“Ugh, heels Harper? Can’t I wear flats or something? Heels hurt my feet!” I was seriously whining now.

“Jesus you really are trying to kill me aren’t you?”

I giggled and took the shoes out of her hands and slid them on. They were black with three inch heels, a strap over the toes. Another strap ran over the top of my foot, up to a clasp that wrapped around my ankle. Once again, Harper had picked out perfect shoes. I tended to take off any heels I wore within the first hour of having them on, but these felt so comfortable that they just might make it through the night.

“Yep, just as I thought! You may be short but you have great legs and with just enough heel your legs look long and perfect.” Harper doted.

“Can we not talk about my height? I actually love being short thank you very much!”

“Uh huh, Em tell me something. Can you reach the top shelf of your kitchen cabinets or do you need to still use a chair like a six year old kid?” Harper was mocking me now.

I stayed silent for a few seconds, “Oh shut up and help me get out of this so we can check out.” She laughed at me because she knew she had made her point.

Sarah had been surprisingly quiet during our time in the store. Huh… I wonder if that’d had anything to do with Harper. She placed my new dress in a hanging bag and rang it up along with the shoes. I gasped—like really loudly. “Seventeen hundred dollars?!”

Harper grabbed my upper arm with her hand and gave it a harsh squeeze. “F*cking A Emilyn! Would you just give the woman your American Express? Your husband makes millions, it’s about time you start spending it.”

Sarah took the card with a look on her face that said she was wondering if it would be declined. Of course it wasn’t, and she very happily handed me my receipt and called a perky goodbye as Harper and I left the store.

“See now, that wasn’t so bad spending dick bags money, was it?” Harper asked me as she climbed into her car.

“It’s not that it is ‘so bad’, it’s just that I don’t see the reason behind spending money like that. The dress is beautiful yes, but I may only wear it one other time after tonight. West works hard for that money and I don’t want to spend his hard earned cash.” I said as we made our way back towards my parent’s house.

“For starters, if you ever say his money again, I’m taking you to a psych ward to be evaluated. Emmy you’ve been married to him for eight years now, so his money is your money. That’s the way marriage should be. And if you so much as tell me that Weston requires you to speak to him about how you spend that money, I am flying there tonight to pluck every single one of his pubes from his balls and then I’ll slowly castrate him. And again, you just wait until everyone sees you tonight in that dress. Especially Finley.”

“Okay can you just tell me how it is that you ever get a man to let their testicles near you when you paint such a vivid picture? And I didn’t buy this dress to impress Finley. I bought it because it fit me nicely.” I hoped that if I kept telling myself that Finn hadn’t crossed my mind when I bought that dress, I may just start to believe it. “And for the record, Weston has never asked me to tell him where I spend money or how much I spent. He’s said from the beginning that everything he had was mine.”

“Well then I guess his hairy balls are safe for tonight then!” We pulled up to my parents’ house and started unloading my purchases.

I started laughing, “How did I become friends with such a violent person?”

“Luck I guess,” she shrugged her shoulders. “Time to beautify ourselves!”





Harper and I were dressed to impress. In addition to my new dress and heels, I had a black clutch that held a tube of clear gloss and mascara. My hair was half up, and the back had a little puff to it with a pretty black sparkle barrette. The rest of my hair cascaded down my back in waves. I felt pretty glamorous.

Harper had on a black silk dress that went to the floor. It hugged every inch of her body and draped in the front so she had to be careful how she moved or else we’d be having a wardrobe malfunction. She had her hair pulled up in an elegant, loose bun and she’d shaded her eyelids in a smoky black that made her green eyes pop.

We were definitely ready to go. Stepping out of Harper’s car, a young man—who I assumed was the valet driver—approached us with wide eyes. He gave Harper long once over when she handed him the keys along with a generous tip. I saw her wink at him when he handed her the parking ticket and she thanked him in a low purr.

Stepping inside the hotel lobby I giggled at Harper. “Easy Killer, that kid can’t have been more than twenty years old.”

“Mmmhmmm, and I bet his stamina is fantastic too.”

“Oh good, so you like the little kiddies now too?”

“Have you ever slept with someone that’s a few years younger than you Em?”

“You know I’ve only ever been with Finley and Weston.”

She sighed disapprovingly. “Well, let me tell you, it is worth it. They can go for hours.” Harper thought that I should have shopped around a bit before I settled with West. But I’d never been that kind of girl.

As we approached the banquet room there were two tables set up outside the door. The tables were manned by three people that I immediately recognized as the cheerleading triplets Susan, Aubrey, and Cassie. They weren’t really triplets but Harper and I had called them that because they were always together, dressed the same, and finished each other’s sentences. These were the girls that gave Harper the hardest time in school. They were what we considered the ‘popular crowd’. The ones who only dated the football players and wore designer clothes. Apparently Harper hadn’t been good enough to socialize with them because of her secondhand clothes, and because she hadn’t lived in the nicest part of town. I thought the real reason they hadn’t liked her was because they knew Kyler was interested in her and he was the only football player that wouldn’t give them the time of day. It pissed them off that someone they thought was beneath them was being noticed. That was until I came along and got Finn’s attention. Then they turned their venomous stares and words on me. They were cruel in the worst ways teenage girls could be.

Once in gym class, Aubrey had taken a picture on her cell of Harper naked in the shower; she’d been bending over to get a bottle of shampoo. Aubrey sent it to every single person in her contact list. They then forwarded it to everyone they knew and so on and so forth, until everyone in the school had it. Guys were saying nasty, vulgar things to her because of the position she was in. They said she was bending over and begging for it. Aubrey told everyone that Harper had asked for her picture to be taken. Harper was so mortified that she stayed home from school for a whole week because of it. As much as I’d tried to convince her that the rumors had died down, it eventually took for Kyler to go over to her house and speak to her before she would listen. Harper wouldn’t tell me what Kyler had said to get her to come back to school, but she did and nobody bothered her about it. I had no doubt that Kyler threatened anybody who dared to say something about the picture. The girls toned it down after that, but they still found ways to make our lives hell.

Despite the lessened cruelty, I remained a target of their hounding. They were always there in my ear, making me feel like I wasn’t good enough—or pretty enough—to be with someone like Finn. After time, they didn’t even have to be there telling me these things, because I told myself the damaging words.

As we walked to the table I could see that Cassie had nudged Susan and bumped elbows with Aubrey. The three of them watched us with their perfect little smirks until we got up to the table. None of us said anything right away because we were doing what all women do; sizing each other up. I decided to be the one to break the ice.

“Hi Cassie, Susan, Aubrey. It’s nice to see you all.” I gave them the most genuine smile I could muster.

I heard Harper snort next to me. “Yeah I can see that time has been real nice to you all.” Her sarcasm couldn’t have been more obvious.

Susan was pregnant with her third child. She had married a bank manager and I’d heard that he was known to run around on her. By the looks of things she’d put on a bit more than just pregnancy weight. Aubrey was a heavy smoker and her persistent tanning made her look like she was in her fifties not twenties. She had an on-again/off-again boyfriend Gabe, who worked at the car shop in town. Cassie used to have thick beautiful golden locks but time hadn’t done her any favors. Her hair was now sparse and brittle and she was in the middle of her second divorce.

Aubrey snickered and flicked her short brown hair behind her shoulder, “Well hello Harper,” and nodded in my direction. “Emilyn. How has life been treating you two?”

“Pretty well thank you,” I replied. “How about yourself?”

Sticking her nose in the air a bit she said, “I just opened the new tanning salon on First Street. And Gabe and I are getting engaged soon.” She paused, probably waiting for us to applaud her or something; so not happening. She must have figured that out because she continued, “Cassie is moving to Boise to be closer to her new job and Susan is happily married and adding to her beautiful family in two months.”

I saw a little glimmer of nastiness cross her face. “So last I heard Emilyn you were living in Chicago with your lawyer husband. Though I’m still not sure how you snagged a man like him. Weren’t you supposed to go to college or something after high school?” Her little minions perked up. She wasted no time throwing the daggers in my direction. I wouldn’t show her that her comment was below the belt.

Harper however, jumped in to defend me. She leaned in real close to Aubrey across the table. “Em ‘snagged’ Weston the good ol’ fashion way, by letting the man chase her and not spreading her legs on the first date. You wouldn’t understand that though would you?” Aubrey’s mouth was in a thin angry line. I’d known that the situation would likely be awkward but I hadn’t expected Harper to pull out the big guns so early in the evening.

Aubrey’s eyes widened before she snapped. She jumped out of her chair, and I could have sworn she was going to come across the table at us. Instead she got right in Harper’s face. “I’d be careful Harper, I know what you do in those houses you sell. Whoring yourself to get a sale is prostitution isn’t it? Word gets around you little bitch, so I’d keep that in mind.” She turned at looked at her friends, who were now standing but both appeared to be unsure about what Aubrey was doing.

Harper laughed a condescending laugh and looked Aubrey in the eyes. “No need for me to include myself in the sales I make because I’m a professional. Besides, I get plenty of attention outside of work. But I’d re-evaluate your relationship before you go accusing me of whoring myself. I believe it was Gabe that asked me to take him back to my house after drinks a few days ago.” Harper grabbed my hand and started to pull me inside the banquet hall but suddenly changed her mind, paused and turned around. “Oh and by the way, this isn’t high school anymore Aubrey. I’ve grown up and I don’t put up with shit. You want to f*ck with me then bring it because I’ll rock your world honey. And seriously, maybe you should stop tanning. You look like a f*cking Cheeto.” With that, Harper and I walked away. I could hear Aubrey yelling and cursing at Harper while her friends tried to calm her down.

When we stepped inside the doors it was like stepping back in time. There were streamers coming from the center of the ceiling and going out to different points in the room. There was a DJ in the corner playing music that was popular from the year we graduated. The tables were decorated with a small vase on each with water and a floating candle in each and rose petals scattered over the table tops. Over in the corner opposite the DJ was a bar, and next to the bar was a buffet that servers were currently filling with food.

Harper and I found a table close to the dance floor and set our purses down. “Jesus I need a drink.” She looked stressed. Instead of asking her if she was okay, I decided to follow her over to the bar. She asked, “You want something?”

“A sparkling water, my stomach is a bit upset still after last night.”

Harper told the bartender what we wanted and while we waited for our order to be filled, I had to ask her what Aubrey meant by her sleeping with clients.

“Please tell me you didn’t sleep with Gabe the mechanic. That would be a new low Harper.”

She looked over at me and her mouth dropped open a little bit. “Are you f*cking serious? You think that I would actually sleep with him? No way! That man came up to me at a bar one night and practically begged me to go home with him. I knew he was screwing Aubrey and I don’t want that slut’s sloppy seconds.” She tossed back a shot and handed me my water. “Gabe may be easy on the eyes but I do have standards Em.”

We made our way back to our table. “I know, but why did Aubrey insinuate that you sleep with your clients. That’s against the rules right?”

“First of all, it’s my company and I make the rules. One of those rules is that you DO NOT f*ck the clients. I don’t run a f*cking brothel Emilyn and I don’t need to offer myself up to get the sale of a house. Did you actually believe her?” Harper looked hurt.

“No of course I didn’t believe her. I was just worried she was starting rumors that you don’t need to deal with. And I am relieved that you didn’t sleep with Gabe.” I said laughing to lighten the mood. “I know you run a professional business Harper. I just don’t like people talking about you like that. You know?”

She threw her arm around my shoulder effectively dismissing her change of moods. “I know. Let’s go mingle! I saw Maryanne over by the food table and I haven’t seen her in ages.”

As we made our way over to the buffet line, out of the corner of my eye I saw the banquet door open and in walked Finley and Kyler. Oh my god! I froze in place, causing Harper to run into the back of me.

“What the hell Emilyn. Why’d you stop walking?”

I had no words. For the second time in less than twenty-four hours I was speechless. Finn stood tall in a pair of black slacks and black shoes. He wore a crisp white button up shirt that he’d teamed with a black tie, and the sleeves of his shirt were rolled up his forearms. His tattoos were showing and his hair was swept to the side in a sexy mess. My heart thundered and my breathing was rapid. Why did this man cause me to have this reaction? That was a question that I didn’t want to address at that moment… if ever.

I noticed he was scanning the room, and he stopped when his eyes landed on me. He gave me a slight head nod and the side of his mouth tipped up in a smirk. As he kept those mesmerizing eyes on me I was rooted in place, completely frozen. How in the hell did he still have the power to make a room disappear, and my insides feel like mush. This was not the reaction a married woman should have for another man; let alone the man that had left me weeping in the high school parking lot. That thought gave me the courage to turn away from his penetrating gaze. I couldn’t do this to myself. My feelings for Finn were buried years ago and if I allowed myself to feel even a fraction of them now, it would be like putting a crack in the Hoover Dam. All it would take was a small fracture, before little seeping feelings turned into a full blown out-pouring. And now was not the time, or place, to be addressing those feelings.

I turned my attention back to Harper. “Sorry, let’s get our food and go sit down. Can we catch up with Maryanne in a bit? I’m starving?”

“Yeah… sure.” She didn’t seem to believe me, and when her eyes followed to where I had been looking moments previously, I saw her shake her head and mumble something like ‘dickwad’ under her breath. I didn’t want to get her riled up again, so I chose to ignore it.

The buffet had a wide array of food to choose from. It all looked great, but seeing Finn had given me nervous butterflies, and I wasn’t sure I could eat much. But I’d just told Harper I was hungry so I loaded up my plate with a couple of dinner rolls, a slice of prime rib, green beans, and mashed potatoes.

We made our way back to our table and sat down. I picked at my dinner roll, hoping it would settle my stomach but it was no use. Between knowing Finn was in the room and getting over my hangover, I couldn’t eat anything on my plate.

Harper noticed I wasn’t eating and asked if I was feeling okay. I wasn’t sure how to answer, so I told her I was fine and said I was still hung over from the previous night.

“Yeah, probably a good idea to stay away from the booze tonight hon. We don’t want to be carrying you out again. That would just give the triplet bitches ammo to talk.”

“Definitely no alcohol for me tonight, I’m sticking with the sparkling water.” I nodded in agreement.

A few more minutes passed without event. I refused to look up and scan the room for the one person that I knew was here and was watching me. I knew this because I felt the prickling sensations on my neck.

Harper and I were approached by a few classmates that we had been friendly with in school but who were never part of the crowd we spent most of our time with. We weren’t part of the popular group but when I started dating Finn, more people began to pay more attention to us. Since Finn and Kyler were both athletes, we immediately became connected to the jocks of the school. And since both boys played music, all of the musically inclined students also considered us friends. They were all pretty nice, well except for the few girls that would glare at Harper and I. Those girls were never as mean as the triplets, but some of the looks we used to get made me uncomfortable.

A little while later, after two of our old classmates had chatted with Harper about her blooming business and how well she was doing, I heard someone clear their throat behind me.

In that sultry deep voice from last night, Finn asked, “Are these seats taken?”

Closing my eyes tightly I took a deep breath, re-opened them and looked up at a smirking Finn. “No, you can sit there.” I’d hoped Kyler would take the seat next to me but of course I had no such luck. Finley planted himself in the chair beside me and I inhaled deeply. He smelled like he did at the bar the previous night; a spicy manly scent that was strictly him. My pulse was racing. I began my mantra to myself over and over; you can do this, you can do this.

Kyler sat in the seat next to Finn and began digging in to his food. “Hey Shorty, how are you feeling after getting wasted last night?”

This was so not what I wanted to talk about right now. I didn’t need a reminder of Finn carrying me out of the bar, or a reason for him to possibly want to talk about it. Pushing the thought away I decided to just focus on the question. “Fine, thank you. I ended up sleeping a bit late today and I’m still feeling somewhat queasy, but I’ll be better tomorrow I’m sure.” I went back to pushing around the green beans on my plate. With Finn sitting this close to me, I’d officially lost my appetite. I risked a glance up in his direction, and saw that he was watching me with furrowed brows.

Kyler laughed. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you so trashed Em. Even after that one time in high school when you gave Harper and lap dance and then jumped Finn’s bones in the backseat of my…” he trailed off when he noticed Harper giving him a ‘I’ll f*ck you up if you say one more word’ death stare. “Shit, sorry I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

“What? I’m not uncomfortable. It’s fine Kyler. Promise.” I gave him a small smile and moved on to picking at the mashed potatoes on my plate. I was intent on looking down because there was no way I could look at Finn. I felt my face flush ten shades of red. That was one of the million memories I had locked away never to be thought about again, and one that I’d safely tuck back away when I wasn’t sitting so close to Finn.

“What about you Harper, are you feeling okay?” Kyler was now smirking at her.

“Oh I’m definitely fine. I’ve had worse nights drinking than last night. I ended up spending part of the night staying up with party girl here,” she nudged me smiling “to make sure she didn’t throw up all over herself.”

“You got sick again?” Finn questioned, obviously feeling the need to interject. Awesome! He was acting like he cared.

“Yeah she got sick a few times but nothing a puke bucket and buddy couldn’t fix.”

Damn it. Why was Harper over sharing? I glared at her, my eyes conveying that she was going to be hearing it when we left. “It’s not a big deal. I shouldn’t have been drinking that much anyway. Harper took care of me and I’m good as new.” I kept my face down refusing to look him in the eye. I knew that’s what he wanted, but his concern wasn’t something I needed.

He leaned over and spoke next to my ear, making it so the other two couldn’t hear him. “Em, can you look at me and tell me you’re fine?”

Seriously, was this him caring? Just as I was about to look him in the face, I heard a couple of boisterous voices at our table. I looked up to see Michael Brant and Corey Landry slapping Kyler and Finley on the back.

“Good god look what the cat dragged in!” Michael, a high school football player and one of the guys that frequented the infamous parties, was grinning from ear to ear. He was a good looking guy back then and the girls all loved him. He was also quite the ladies man. Michael was given a football scholarship to Texas A&M, but he was involved in a motorcycle wreck the week before he was leaving for training, and injured his back. The doctors told him that if he played then he risked getting hit and becoming paralyzed. He ended up turning down the scholarship and went to some college in Florida. He got a degree in business and actually helped Harper start her realty company. She confessed to me a few months ago that they dated and slept together while they were working out the logistics, but they’d both since moved on and stayed good friends.

“Hey man, how’s it going?” Kyler was smiling a huge smile at Michael but it was quickly wiped away when Michael leaned in and gave Harper a hug and quick kiss on the cheek.

“I’m doing pretty good man! Went off to do the college thing and decided to come back home to get some of my shit squared away. Ended up using that degree I was given and started helping people get their new businesses off the ground. Turns out I’m pretty good at it so I decided to help start-up companies. I’m doing so well with it I actually just signed on my first house a few blocks from the high school, thanks to Harper!”

“Oh yeah?” Kyler didn’t look impressed. In fact he was now looking at Harper with disdain. “Harper seems to be good at a lot of things.”

I glanced at Harper and she looked like she was about to choke the life out of Kyler. What in the hell did he mean by that? Apparently I’d missed something. I thought about dragging her to the ladies room and beating it out of her but, she was still staring at Kyler.

“You bet your ass I’m good at a lot of things. One of those things being selling houses.” I’ve known Harper long enough to know that she was well and truly pissed. She turned her glare away from Kyler and plastered a smile on her face for Michael. “Are you settling in okay? I could stop by and suggest some paint colors or help remove some of that nasty seventies wallpaper.”

The smile that was on Ky’s face was wiped off and now he was fuming mad. Clearly deciding to ignore it he said, “Well congrats on the house man. And congrats on the booming business. I’d heard you were doing well.” Turning the attention away from Michael he spoke to Corey. “What about you man, how’re you doing?”

Corey was a quiet guy and had been that way in school. He was one of the few that married his high school sweetheart. They married shortly after high school and they both went to college close to home at Boise State. She went into dentistry and he graduated with a business degree. Callie currently had a dental office on the outskirts of town and Corey ended up going into business with Michael. He didn’t run their company but they worked well with him being second in command.

“I’m great! Business is going good with Michael, and Callie is at full capacity for patients. And we just found out we’re expecting our first child.” He was beaming.

“Holy shit dude, congratulations!” Kyler got up from his chair and shook Corey’s hand, bringing him in for one of those ‘guy hugs’. “I can’t wait to see the little crib midget!”

I noticed Finn was pretty quiet during this whole exchange. In fact neither he nor I had spoken since Michael and Corey had approached the table. I was relieved that I didn’t have to answer his question earlier, but when Corey announced his baby news I couldn’t help but notice that Finn had glanced over at me. I risked glance in his direction and we made eye contact. Why was he looking at me like that? I felt uncomfortable and yet I couldn’t look away from him. His tongue came out and licked his bottom lip. When he closed his mouth my eyes went back up to his. His pupils were dilated and he tracked me watching him. He opened his mouth like he was about to say something but I abruptly stood up from the table. My legs hit the table top causing some of the silverware to clang together and my napkin to fall to the floor. Everyone stopped talking and looked at me.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to make so much noise. I’m just headed to the ladies room.” I could feel the heat creeping onto my face.

“You want me to come with Em?” Harper asked.

“Nah, I’m good stay and talk. I’ll be right back.” I wanted to ask her what was going on with Kyler but I needed to get my own shit sorted out. Harper watched me but nodded her head before I turned and walked away from the table.

I made a beeline for the ladies room I’d seen outside the banquet door. I was relieved to see that the triplet bitches were no longer manning it; they must’ve gone inside to torture someone else. I walked into the bathroom and found a stall. Thankfully I was the only one there so at least I had some peace to freak out. Locking the stall door, I leaned my back against it and let out the breath I’d been holding. I had no idea what that was out there but it about did me in. Why did Finn have to look at me like that? His eyes seemed so intense. When he licked his lips I thought I was going to melt into a puddle. He was not supposed to be bringing out these feelings in me. I collected my thoughts. I just needed to get through this night and then I would go back home to Weston on Monday.

F*ck! Weston!

I hadn’t even thought about him this afternoon while staring into Finn’s eyes, and that wasn’t acceptable. I couldn’t do that staring swoony thing with him. I needed to push whatever this was out of my head, and get through the next couple of hours like an adult. An adult that had been married for eight years and felt nothing for her high school boyfriend.

With a new sense of resolve I stepped out of the stall, washed my hands and walked out of the bathroom. Just as I turned out of the door I ran right into a hard chest. I looked up and saw Finn standing in front of me.

“Are you okay?”

And there went my new resolve.

“I’m fine, why do you ask?” I was wringing my hands together. “I just had to pee. Can’t I pee without people checking on me?” For f*ck sake I’m not even drunk tonight and I can’t shut my mouth.

He smirked… the bastard was smirking at me?! “Of course you can pee without being checked on but I thought you looked a little pale. You got up and left so abruptly I thought I’d make sure you didn’t need anything.”

“Nope”, I said, popping the ‘p’ in the word. “I’m all good. Shall we go back inside?” I started to walk away but Finn grabbed my hand to stop me. Oh god, what his touch did to me. I felt something in that slight touch that I hadn’t felt in ten years and it was a shock to that dormant part of my heart. It was a feeling that West had never been able to invoke. Finn’s large hand holding my smaller one sent tingles all over my body and my breathing picked up, causing my chest to rise and fall. His eyes wandered down to my cleavage and back up to my face. I shook my head and tried to clear my head of the sensations. Clearing my throat I asked, “Was there something else?”

He paused watching my face for a long moment, “Well I guess not, other than I wanted to see if you would like to dance later.”

As much as I knew it wasn’t in my best interests to let Finn hold me that close, once he gave me that heart-stopping smile, I knew there was no way I could tell him no. “Of course.”

He let go of my arm and allowed his hand to drift to my lower back leading us inside the banquet. This was so not a good idea!

When we got back inside and made our way to our table, we walked right into the middle of a conversation Michael, Corey, Harper, and Callie were having about some of the stupid things Kyler had done in high school. They were all laughing so hard that Harper and Callie were doubled over, holding their stomachs.

“Oh my god dude, you remember that time senior year Ky tried to superglue his hand to Mary’s boobs?” Michael said between catching his breath laughing. “He’d slept with her at a party the weekend before and he said her rack was so awesome he wanted to be attached to them permanently?”

Ky looked like he was in a dream state. “Those were some great boobs. And I would have done it if someone hadn’t ratted me out to coach.” He sighed. “Eh, glad I never went through with it though. I’ve seen better since then.”

Corey was chuckling, holding on to Callie’s waist while she had her hand over her mouth hiding her smile. Michael pushed it a step further. “Yeah I bet you have. Living in Los Angeles you and Finn probably see some pretty hot women. You two must have a new one every night! I’ve heard women throw themselves at musicians out there.”

I was no longer smiling, and I turned and looked right up at Finn. The hand that had been on my lower back dropped and he brought it up to rub the back of his neck. He looked uncomfortable. “I suppose it was like that for a time but it’s not like that anymore.”

Kyler grabbed Finns arm, “Don’t let him fool you. He had women at his beck and call until Val. She’s smokin’ but they are always off and on.”

Oh no, this is just what I didn’t want to hear. I didn’t want to know what woman had managed to snag Finn and hold on to him when I hadn’t. My stomach rolled and I thought I was going to be sick. I dropped my eyes from Finn, and looked down at my feet.

He cleared his throat. I think he was trying to get me to look back up at him, but I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction. I didn’t want to be there anymore. The space felt a little too small and suffocating. I thought about grabbing my purse and high tailing it out of there but, I didn’t want him to know how much the conversation had affected me.

“Ummm, yeah there was Valerie, but we aren’t together anymore.” Finn sounded pissed off at Kyler for bringing it up. I wished he hadn’t either.

“Sure, for now dude. She always comes running back when she wants and you keep taking her back. Hell, I’d take her back too. Seriously, you should see this chick. Her body is f*cking unreal!”

Okay, I’d had about all I could handle of this conversation. I leaned down and grabbed my purse ready to walk away. I was about to tell Harper I was ready to go, when Finn moved to stand in front of me. He leaned down and whispered in my ear, “Let’s go get some air. We need to talk.” I desperately wanted to tell him no—that we had nothing to talk about—but I didn’t have the heart to say so. I kept my head down and nodded in agreement. He took my hand and pulled me away from the table. We made our way to a set of French doors that led outside. Before we made it, Harper caught up with us and grabbed my arm.

She watched Finn while she leaned over and said quietly to me, “If you want to go Em, we can leave now. You don’t have to go talk to him if you don’t want to. Just say the word.”

Finn narrowed his eyes at Harper but didn’t say anything, which was probably wise. I knew she didn’t want to see me get hurt, and I could tell by the look on her face she was about to kick him in the balls. I didn’t have to tell her where my head was with Finn, because she’d always known. It was something we didn’t talk about it because I think we both feared I would slip back to that place I had been all those years ago when he left.

I looked away from Finley and direct into Harpers eyes. “I promise I’ll be alright. We’re just going to get some fresh air and talk. I’ll come get you when I’m ready to leave, okay? I love you for being concerned but I’m alright.” I leaned in and gave her a tight hug.

While she was close to me she whispered, “I swear to god if he hurts you I will string him up by his toes and shove a hot fire poker in his ass.”

That made me laugh, which was what she’d wanted. We pulled away from each other and she smiled at me before turning around and walking back to the table. Kyler was watching her every move and I made a mental note to ask her about that in the car later.

Moving towards the outside again, Finn opened the doors and held them while I stepped out in front of him. I walked up to a black iron railing a few feet away and set my purse down. I kept my back to Finn, waiting for him to say something first. I knew he was watching me—I could feel it—but he said nothing. We just stood in silence. When I couldn’t take it anymore, I broke the quiet with my voice.

“Thanks for helping me out to your car and inside my house last night. I wasn’t sure how I got to bed but Harper told me what you did. So yeah, thank you.” I took a deep breath and looked out onto the nine-hole golf course the hotel sat on.

I heard Finn approaching and he stepped right up behind me, brushing his front against my back. He leaned down and his lips touched my ear. “You’re welcome Em.” He stood back up to full height and I waited for him to move away from me but he didn’t. He took a deep breath. We could hear the music loud and clear and he held his hand out in front of me. “May I have that dance now?”

I put my hand in his. “Sure.”

Grasping my hand he spun me around to face him. I lifted my other hand up to put up on his shoulder, while he simultaneously placed the hand he was holding on the other shoulder. God he was so much bigger than he used to be. Slowly raising my eyes to meet his, I saw him give me a slight smile. Finn rested his hands on my lower back just above my butt pulling me in tight against him. There was no way with me this close to him that he couldn’t feel my heart racing in my chest. I hadn’t felt him like this in so long and I couldn’t help but melt into his touch. Adele’s ‘Don’t You Remember’ had started to play over the speakers. It was as if someone up there wanted to make the mood even more intense. We swayed side to side as Finn hummed the song. His deep and gravely voice had always lulled me into a state of submission.

I couldn’t stand here and dance with the first man that I ever loved and listen to him sing to me so I interrupted. “So how is California?”

He stopped humming and looked down at me. “It’s been going well. Kyler and I have been writing like always, and we just bought a house together. It’s a different world out there. I’ve actually been thinking of buying a house back here so I have place to get away from it all, you know?”

“I’d heard you two were doing well. I’m happy for you Finn. I knew you would be successful and happy.” I looked back down at his chest and tried to keep moving to the music.

“That’s where you’re wrong Em. I’m successful yes, and Kyler and I make quite a bit off what we do, but whoever told you I was happy was sadly mistaken.” I tipped my head back to look up at him.

His eyes seemed to search mine for something, I just didn’t know what. “How could you not be happy? You’re writing music like you always wanted, you have a house, money,” I paused for a second and looked away, “and a beautiful girlfriend.”

He stopped moving and put his hand under my chin. “Look at me Emilyn.”

I didn’t want to, but I stared at him and waited for him to speak.

“Val and I are done. I was only with her because I was tired of feeling so lonely. Kyler is awesome and he’s like a brother to me, but something is missing.” He was watching me intently when he brought his hand up and he grazed his finger along my cheek. I closed my eyes tightly, trying not to cry at the contact. “How are you and Weston, Em?”

Why was he asking me this? Was I supposed to lie and tell him that everything was picture perfect? That we were a picture of marital bliss? That West made me happy and I couldn’t see myself without him? I’d never been able to lie to Finn with a straight face; he’d always seen right through me. I decided to tell him the truth, without going into details, “It’s been better. But all marriages go through rough patches. I’m sure that’s all this is. Weston is just really busy at the firm and they have been overloading him with clients. He’s just stressed out.” I was feeling a tad more emotional speaking about my marriage than I’d intended, but for some reason I wanted Finn to know.

The whole time I was speaking his eyes were bouncing around all over my face, and as I finished speaking, his hands moved to cup my cheeks. I shouldn’t let him touch me like this when we’re stood talking about Weston. And definitely not when he is the one man that could shatter me.

“Are you happy?”

I paused, “I have a beautiful house, a successful husband, money, health, family and friends that love me.”

“That’s not what I asked. I want to know if you’re happy. I don’t want a generic answer or what’s expected of you Em.”

I felt like I was two seconds away from collapsing to the ground and curling into a ball to protect myself from him. If I didn’t answer, I knew he would keep asking until I gave him the truth. Not trusting myself to speak, I shook my head.

He leaned forward to touch his forehead to mine; his eyes closed tight. Jesus he smelled amazing. I felt myself hold him tighter than necessary. “F*ck,” he said under his breath. He opened those bright blue eyes and they looked like there was so much conviction behind them, “I miss you Em. I mean I really miss you!”

That’s it, him saying the words I’d wanted to hear forever broke the dam and tears streamed down my face. I pulled my forehead from his. “How can you say that to me? I’m married Finn. You left me standing in the gym parking lot the night of graduation. I was a f*cking mess after that night!” I was starting to get mad and so I stepped out of his embrace. Backing away and shaking my head, I raised my voice, “You don’t get to tell me you miss me Finn.”

He took a step towards me, causing me to step back. We made this move again and again, as if we were in some sort of messed up dance. I kept my eyes on him while he stalked towards me. “Stop” I whispered as my back reached the wall. My eyes were closed and I held my palms out in front of me in surrender.

Standing in front of me, he reached up and brushed away the tears on the left side of my face. I couldn’t fight it. I opened my eyes and looked up at his handsome face, I leaned into his hand and my body shivered involuntarily. He must have taken it as a sign because he immediately pulled me up against his body with his other hand. When he finally spoke, his voice was hoarse with emotion. “No Emilyn. I can’t stop thinking about you and I hate seeing you like this.”

That was all it took. I must have given him some sort of signal because the next thing I knew, his mouth was on mine. It started as a soft gentle brush of lips but built into a deeper, hungrier kiss. His tongue slid out of his mouth and traced my lower lip, causing my body to react. My hands reached up and grasped his shirt in clenched fists as I pulled him closer to me. I needed him, I wanted him. His kiss held more passion than I had remembered. The hand that had been on my cheek slid back into my hair and held my neck, while the other slid behind my back, pressing me as close to his body as I could get.

My mind was reeling. I knew I shouldn’t be doing this but I’d missed this feeling for the last ten years. The feeling of him pressed up against me, knowing that he wanted me, that he missed me! It was a heady feeling and I felt drunk on it. Our tongues moved and pushed up against each other and I moaned into his mouth. Finn sucked my tongue and I felt heat shoot through my body and I knew I was wet. I pulled back slightly and snaked my tongue out to lick along his lower lip. I wanted more. I opened my mouth more and pulled his lower lip into my mouth and nibbled on the soft flesh. Finn groaned into my mouth and ground his hard length against my stomach.

Oh shit, what was I doing?!

Stopping abruptly, I pulled my face away from Finn’s and shoved him away with the hands that were on his chest. He was quite a bit larger than me so I couldn’t move him much, but the force was enough that he took a step back. His face held a look of confusion and lust, and his eyes were wild. I wanted him to take me back into his arms and keep kissing me, but I knew I had to stop this. I wasn’t going to let him back into my life. Not like this, and not when he could totally crush me. I might not be living the perfect life but I still had Weston at home waiting for me. We had a lot of things that needed to be worked out, but I couldn’t give up on my marriage.

I needed to get away from Finn. His scent, the look on his face, the magnetic pull I felt towards him was too much. I had to get back inside and tell Harper we needed to leave… like now! Side stepping Finn, I darted for the doors.

“Emilyn, please don’t go.” Finn pleaded.

Making it to the doors I turned around, “I have to Finn. I’m not sure what that was that just happened but I do know that it was a mistake. It shouldn’t have happened and I need to go.” He looked crushed and that’s exactly how my heart felt at that moment. I needed to get out of there. I couldn’t believe I just let him kiss me. I had just cheated on West. I wasn’t sure how I was going to deal with that but I couldn’t think about that just then. Spinning back around, I opened the door and made my way back in, leaving Finn standing there watching me walk away.

I found Harper speaking to a group of people I didn’t know very well. They didn’t notice me approach so I managed to discretely get Harper’s attention. She could tell right away by the look on my face that I was about to fall apart. Giving me a slight nod, she excused herself and came over.

“Em, what’s the matter?”

“I need to get out of here. I feel like I can’t breathe and I think I’m about to be sick. Please Harper, let’s go get the car and leave.” I felt the panic creep up on me as I battled back the urge to fall to pieces in front of everyone.

“Okay honey, let’s go. Just hold on, everything will be okay.” She looked so worried and I saw her looking around for someone, but I didn’t know who. Her eyes stopped abruptly when they made contact with Kyler’s. His eyes shifted over to me and he could see the distress I was in. Kyler must have seen something on my face, because he turned and went out the same doors I’d just come through. I was sure he had gone to see how Finn was. I wanted to care about Finn’s feelings, but wondering if he was okay was too much to process. The tears threatened to spill out of my eyes for the second time, and I wasn’t sure I could hold them back much longer.

Harper and I made our way to through the hall to the lobby and out the front doors of the Hilton. The valet took our ticket and about three minutes later he pulled up in Harpers car. She tipped him and he held the door open for me to climb in. When we were both settled and driving away, she finally spoke. “Emilyn what the hell happened? Jesus f*cking Christ, I wouldn’t have let him take you outside if I knew he would do this to you.”

I shook my head and turned my head towards the window, finally allowing the tears to fall. “It wasn’t him Harper. I just don’t think I was ready to see him again. I don’t think I’ll ever be ready to see Finn.” I stopped and took a deep breath in and blew it back out. “I need you to drop me off at Mom and Dad’s. I need to leave tonight.”

“Em, you don’t have to leave tonight. Just stay and we’ll talk in the morning.”

“I can’t Harper. I need to go home and sort my head out. Please?”

She sighed and said, “Alright hon, I’ll take you home. Just breath Em.”

We eventually made it to my parents’ house and hugged tightly, saying our goodbyes. It wasn’t going to be easy explaining my sudden need to leave to my parents, but I had no doubt that they’d understand.