Chapter SIX
IT WAS ONE OF THE hardest things Lara had ever had to do—to sit down opposite Gabriel at the kitchen table and try to pretend she was impervious to the naked longing in his eyes. It would be so easy to give him what he wanted, what she wanted, too. But then what would that achieve other than fulfilling their mutual need for sexual gratification?
She didn’t doubt he could get that anywhere. After all, what woman in her right mind could look at the man and not imagine what it would be like to make love with him? Never mind get the chance to actually find out! He was pure erotic female fantasy come to life. But although the thought of her body entwined with Gabriel’s was a dream she’d often fantasised over—one that she’d longed to make a reality—she wasn’t about to diminish her fantasy with just one or two stolen experiences in bed with him and then have him walk away. Not when she yearned for so much more.
‘Can I ask you why you wore that particular dress today?’
‘What?’ Startled by the question, Lara stared back into Gabriel’s darkly captivating blue gaze and frantically wondered what to tell him.
The outfit wasn’t her usual style—that was for certain. When it came to more ‘dressy’ items of clothing she usually erred on the side of caution—not too revealing and not too showy. But her friend Nicky had persuaded her that this dress looked ‘hot’ and would be perfect for when she found herself going on a special date with someone.
She supposed that when she’d known she was seeing Gabriel the following day, and that he would be taking her to visit his ancestral family home, she’d decided it could constitute as a sort of date. Now, in the cold light of day, having his heated gaze examine her as if he’d like to peel off everything she was wearing, preferably slowly and stitch by stitch, Lara wished she’d been more sensible.
‘I knew it was going to be a hot day, that’s why.’ She shrugged her shoulders as though it was scarcely worth even commenting on.
‘Well,’ he drawled, leaning across the table to pin her with a tantalising gaze it was impossible to wriggle out of meeting. ‘I’d like to commend you on your choice. It shows off your figure to perfection.’
‘Gabriel?’
‘Yes, Lara?’
‘I think we need to change the subject and talk about what’s been troubling you. Can we do that?’
The answering scowl on that handsome hard-jawed face was not dissimilar to that of a small boy denied a treat. Under different circumstances Lara might have found it amusing. But she was becoming very familiar with Gabriel’s avoidance tactics, and right at that moment she would have been hard-pushed to raise even the smallest of smiles. Not when anxiety about him was gnawing away at her.
‘I know you probably think I’m being a bit too pushy, but I’m concerned. If you don’t at least share with me what’s troubling you then who will you share it with?’
Lifting his mug of coffee to his lips, he took a sip, then returned it to the table. ‘So you want to hear the whole sorry tale of my hopeless and hapless family, do you?’
Straight away Lara registered the pain in his voice that he’d obviously hoped to conceal with self-deprecating mockery. Her heart twisted as apprehension and fear about what he might be going to reveal invaded her. She nodded slowly.
‘All right, then.’ Even though he’d agreed, Gabriel looked far from easy and stared down at the floor. ‘My uncle left me a letter revealing things about my mother that I never knew.’
The words were followed by a near deafening silence that told her his feelings must be in utter turmoil. Somewhere outside a bird sang. The lyrical sound pierced the air, adding a heartrending poignancy to the moment.
Wanting to encourage him to resume his story, and fearing he wouldn’t because the prospect of revealing his family secrets and potentially making himself vulnerable was something he no doubt despised, she remarked quietly, ‘You said she left when you were very young. You don’t remember her?’
He lifted his head. ‘No, I don’t. In any case, it turns out that that was a lie.’
‘I don’t understand.’
Gabriel’s carved mouth twisted bitterly. ‘Oh, she left, all right.’
He stared at her, lost in some unhappy reverie that he was still trying to make sense of, she guessed.
‘She killed herself.’
Lara could scarcely think straight above the sonorous thump of her heart. ‘Oh, Gabriel, I’m so sorry.’
As his confession sank in she felt even more stunned and sorry. She couldn’t begin to imagine what it must be like to hear that your mother had committed suicide. How did a child—a child who was now an adult—pick up the pieces of his life and live anywhere near normally again after learning such devastating news?
Gabriel shook his head as though bemused. ‘My uncle told me that she left because she didn’t think she was cut out to be a mother. That was the story she begged him to tell me so that I wouldn’t try and find out the truth about her.’
‘But why—why would she do such a thing?’
Shrugging his big shoulders, the gesture momentarily straining the soft blue chambray of his shirt, he grimaced. ‘He said it was because she was suffering from a depressive condition that was incurable. She was afraid that if I knew the truth I might think I’d inherited it and it would ruin my life.’ A harsh semblance of a laugh left him. ‘She must have really been disturbed if she thought it was better that I believed she’d deserted me!’
Leaning forward, Lara studied Gabriel as if seeing him for the very first time. There was no hiding his distress. She had a heartrending glimpse of the small boy who’d grown up believing that his mother hadn’t wanted him and had consequently abandoned him. With every fibre of her being she longed to go to him and draw him into her arms. But she sensed there was a lot more yet to this terribly sad story.
‘It sounds as though she was just trying to protect you, Gabriel,’ she remarked softly.
‘Protect me? From what, exactly? Her love and devotion?’ His tone was bitterly disparaging. ‘I may not be parent material, but I’m damn sure mothers are supposed to love and care for their children—not just abandon them on some whim!’
Several thoughts jostled for position in Lara’s mind just then, but the strongest was her musing that if his mother had been mentally ill, then it was surely no ‘whim’ that had driven her to insist that her son didn’t know the truth about her condition. The poor woman must have really believed it would hurt him.
But she didn’t share the thought with Gabriel right then. The clenched fists he’d laid on the table and the tortured look in his eyes told her it was best to stay silent and simply allow him to express how he felt without interrupting the flow of pain and anger that must be coursing through him. Better that he let it out than keep it all in. Afterwards, bit by bit, Lara would do her utmost to try and help him.
‘My uncle said in his letter that she’d been a danger to herself but he honestly believed she never would have harmed me. Did he think that would be a consolation when I learned that she’d killed herself? Did he never consider the effect it might have had on me, growing up believing that she’d left because she didn’t want me?’
‘Oh, Gabriel...’
It was no good. It was impossible for Lara to remain sitting in her chair when his feelings were clearly tearing him apart and she ached to console him. But when she got up and dropped her arm gently round his shoulders she sensed them instantly stiffen.
‘Didn’t I tell you not to treat me like some waif or stray that needs your help?’ he growled, catching hold of her hand and gripping it.
Staring back into the starkly haunted blue eyes, she felt an answering quiver that was part fear and part desire run down her spine.
‘I don’t regard you as some kind of waif or stray, can’t you see that? You’re not a stranger to me, Gabriel. I’m treating you like I would any dear friend who needed my comfort and support.’
‘So it’s back to us just being friends again, is it?’
Her action purely instinctive, Lara retrieved her hand to lay her palm against his smoothly shaven cheek. His skin felt like sensually roughened velvet. ‘Everyone can use a friend, can’t they?’ she breathed.
She didn’t plan for her voice to catch on the final two words but it did. Even as she saw the pupils in Gabriel’s blue eyes darken and flare she suddenly knew that it wasn’t just comfort she wanted to dispense. Right then she needed him as much as he needed her and it was impossible to deny it.
‘No, Gabriel, not just friends.’
In less than a heartbeat his big firm hands pulled her down onto his lap and without preamble he drove them deep into her hair. Although his warm breath fanned her face like a spine-tingling summer breeze, it still made Lara shiver.
‘I want you so much I think I’ll die if I can’t have you,’ he declared.
His voice was low and deep, the unfettered emotion it expressed so raw that it almost took her breath away. Lara would have crumpled at the declaration if he hadn’t been cupping her face and anchoring her. But his lips were against hers, his hot tongue invading her mouth and devouring her, and a low, hungry groan emanated from his throat that she couldn’t help but echo as she surrendered to the irresistible fire that he’d ignited.
If it were possible she would kiss him for ever, she thought wildly, yet even for ever couldn’t possibly be enough. Her hands weren’t idle as Gabriel’s lips worked their honeyed and stirring magic. They splayed out over the hard chest encased in sensuous cotton and chambray, her fingers helplessly curling against him in a voracious need to know and feel every part of him, to have the insatiable memory imbued in her mind and heart for ever.
Leaving her hair, Gabriel’s hands slid down over her shoulders onto her back. Lara sensed his fingers fumble impatiently with her zip. As if shaken awake from a dream, she suddenly became aware that things were fast getting out of control.
Not wanting their first intimate exploration of each other to take place mindlessly and perhaps awkwardly on a chair, she twisted her mouth away from his and said, ‘No, Gabriel, not here.’
Straight away she registered the confusion and protestation in his eyes.
Administering a reassuring smile, she gently extricated herself, then stood up and reached down for his hand. ‘We’ll go upstairs to my room,’ she added softly.
‘You’re sure?’ he murmured.
She hadn’t expected to hear doubt in his voice, but doubt was what she heard—and it made her want him all the more because he wanted to make sure.
‘Yes, I am. It’s what I want, too,’ she answered firmly.
Lara needed to show Gabriel that she was equally as aroused and needy as he was. She wasn’t going to bed with him purely because she wanted to console him. The man turned her on like no other man ever could.
Rising to his feet, he impelled her into his arms as if he couldn’t bear to let her go for even an instant. For Lara, too, it was difficult to contemplate leaving that safe haven when the familiar scent of his cologne and the arresting heat from his body made her feel as if she was, albeit briefly, abandoning a vitally integral part of her.
Staring down into her eyes as if he would see into her very soul, Gabriel loosely circled her waist with his arm. ‘Then let’s go.’ He smiled.
The gesture was indisputably possessive and it thrilled Lara right down to her innermost core. Knowing that Gabriel really wanted her made her feel beautiful. How could it not when she’d loved her brother’s charismatic friend from the moment she’d laid eyes on him all those years ago? There was an undeniable sense of inevitability about them meeting up again like this—as if they were meant to find each other again. Did Gabriel feel that way, too?
The seductive scent of her perfume lingered in the air as Lara took Gabriel by the hand and led him into her bedroom. The room was awash with afternoon sunlight but she made no move to draw the blinds. The most seductive shiver ran down Gabriel’s spine as, instead, she led him across to a queen-size bed that was draped with a purple silk coverlet.
Truth to tell, it would have been difficult for him to note much else in that room other than Lara herself. His blood was infused with a longing to hold her close so profound that it was as though he were caught in the grip of a dangerous fever that was steadily growing hotter. All he could think of to help ease his pain was getting her naked and joining his body with hers. And if he was seeking shelter from the storms of life that had battered him, seeking it in the only way he sensed might provide some brief respite, then he made no apology for it.
At the foot of the bed Lara turned to face him. Her silken dark hair framed her lovely face like a picture. Lifting her hands, she positioned them either side of his waist. As her melting brown eyes examined him it was as though she were touching him in the most intimate way. Gabriel burned to take her. But through the fog of his desire he vowed to take things slowly, so that the experience would be pleasurable for her. It would surely be worth the sacrifice.
Trailing his fingertips softly and deliberately over her mouth, he said, ‘Will you undress or do you want me to do it for you?’
With a soft catch in her voice, she returned, ‘You decide.’
He couldn’t have wished for a better answer. Bending his head, he gently touched his lips to hers. As he did so he tugged at the zip at the back of the sexy pink dress and slid it down with ease. Momentarily breaking off the kiss, he stepped back so that he could tug down the bodice. The satiny material shimmered silkily down over Lara’s bewitching form to the floor. As she stepped out of the dress she put her hand in Gabriel’s to steady herself and then kicked off the cork sandals that she wore.
She lifted her head to study him. The undisguised need he saw reflected in her eyes all but undid him. He responded by deftly encircling her chest to undo the catch on her bra. When her beautiful breasts were freed, he was gratified that she didn’t immediately try to cover herself.
For long seconds Gabriel just stared at her, drinking in the arresting sight before him as though not quite believing his good fortune. Then he put his mouth to one tip-tilted breast and suckled hard. Just as an electrifying bolt of heat ricocheted through his body and went straight to his groin, hardening him, Lara released a soft-voiced moan of pleasure.
Glancing up at her, Gabriel smiled. Flattening his hand, he laid it against her breastbone and gently pushed. As she gracefully fell back onto the purple counterpane the full extent of her curvaceous figure was at last revealed to him in all its irresistible glory. The luscious breasts with their peaked nipples, her slim concave belly and shapely hips, the silky smooth legs that were even longer than he’d imagined, the toenails that were painted with a sassy fire-engine-red.
After his initial heated examination Gabriel’s thoughts were suspended as the urgent need to make love to her instinctively drove him instead. Tearing off his shirt and T-shirt, he jettisoned the clothing onto the floor. Ridding himself of his shoes and socks, he undid his belt buckle and left the belt to fall loosely against his jeans. Then he joined Lara on the bed.
He couldn’t have said who welcomed whom first. The only thing he registered was their mutually ravenous need to hold each other close and be intimate. The rest of their clothes were quickly dispensed with as they embraced, and the vow he’d made to take things slowly fell mockingly by the wayside as soon as touched her. Ravishing her mouth more deeply and hungrily than he’d ravished any other woman’s before, Gabriel ran his hands down over her shapely body and explored her. She was hot silk and sensuous satin, and the devastating revelation about his mother that had torn him apart that day freed some of its imprisoning hold on him.
When Lara disengaged her lips from his to whisper his name, Gabriel heard the unspoken invitation he was longing to hear and sucked in a shaky breath. Moving to sit astride her, his smile drowsy with pleasure and acknowledgment, he bent his head to continue the drugging kiss that he’d quickly become addicted to. Even as his mouth took hers captive he felt her silken thighs come round his waist to enfold him.
A second invitation was hardly necessary. He helplessly took her there and then, pressing himself deep inside her with a hungry primal groan. Her heat was like a honeyed river and Gabriel knew he would willingly drown in it—not just once but over and over until he was spent—until every hurt and bitter sorrow that had ever plagued him was laid to rest for good.
Lara had feared the relinquishing of her virginity to Gabriel. Not because she didn’t want to lose it, but because she’d been afraid that the initial discomfort would prevent her from giving herself as wholeheartedly as she wanted to. But his heated sensual possession had quickly banished her fears. The most intimate core of her womanhood had softened so naturally to accommodate him that any discomfort she experienced quickly disappeared as she surrendered to the tidal wave of passion that consumed her.
But Lara did briefly wonder if, when Gabriel entered her, he had noticed that her muscles were a little tight—perhaps tighter than women with a lot more experience than her? She should perhaps tell him that this was her first time, but she was still wary of trusting him too much in case he either didn’t understand or couldn’t believe that she would wait so long to be with a man. If she were to confess that she only felt she could be intimate with someone she loved, would it scare him away?
The thought was swiftly quashed by the sensation of wondrous bliss and excitement that gripped her as Gabriel moved rhythmically inside her and her hands clutched the iron-hard biceps in his bulging arms to hold on. During that incredible, passionate ride Lara soon learned that imagination was no substitute for the breathtaking reality that was making love with a man she had been crazy about for years. Not for one second did he fail to live up to her hopes and dreams about the experience—in fact, he exceeded them.
As the heat between them gathered force Gabriel glanced down at her, his blue eyes blazing with hunger and desire as if there was no other woman on earth for him but her. It was then that Lara had to bite back her heartfelt need to tell him how much she loved him—how much she had always loved him.
She determinedly quelled the impulse as he moved deeper inside her and she wound her arms round his neck to pull his head down to hers. Even as they hungrily kissed, the need in her that had been helplessly building towards fulfilment suddenly reached its peak. She found herself on a trip to the stars that took her breath away, that made her feel mindless and boneless, that made her shake and quiver and cry out all at once. Her heart thumped so loudly that she would swear Gabriel must hear it.
As she slowly came back to herself he gave her a lazy, satisfied smile, lowered his head and whispered in her ear. ‘You’re so beautiful you take my breath away.’
The edges of her lips curved in an answering smile and he lifted himself and drove into her even more deeply. Once again Lara had to hold on tight to the iron-muscled biceps as they contracted and grew hard beneath her fingertips. Then he stilled and convulsed with a harsh-sounding groan that seemed to emanate from deep inside his soul.
The sound made Lara shiver. It was as though every hurt and betrayal he’d ever endured had culminated in that groan and was now released. Feeling the hot press of tears against her lids, she wove her fingers gently through his hair and held his head, secretly thrilling that he stayed inside her instead of immediately moving away. Knowing he was a man who didn’t trust easily, she was pleased and gratified that he must trust her enough to do that.
As he laid his head between her breasts, his warm breath skimming gently over her skin, she registered his racing heartbeat and murmured, ‘It’s all right, Gabriel, just let it all out. I’m here for you.’
He didn’t look up, just stayed where he was, his body still as a statue. But Lara knew she didn’t imagine the brief shudder that went through him or the near silent sob that was quickly suppressed in case she should hear it.