“Joshua, come and cut the cord,” Dr, Walton instructs.
My heart hammers in my chest and I hold the scissors with shaky hands to cut the umbilical cord. I grab Tash in an embrace again, I can’t believe this is happening.
Tash half laughs and half cries and we both look toward the baby and hear a loud scream.
I smile, as I am overcome with emotion
“It’s a little girl.” Dr. Walton smiles warmly.
“A girl?” I whisper in wonder. We didn’t want to know the sex before the birth.
The nurse wraps her in a blanket and immediately weighs her. “Six pounds, which is a good size for an early baby.” She smiles.
I stand completely entranced as I watch the tiny girl in the nurse’s arms. She wraps her in a pink blanket and hands her to me.
My heart stops.
This baby, this tiny piece of Natasha and me… I have no words as the overwhelming feeling of love infiltrates every cell in my body. My eyes fall to my girl in bed. Natasha is dishevelled and wet with perspiration but she has never looked more beautiful.
I carefully lay the precious little bundle onto her mother’s chest.
I grab Natasha and hold her tight. “I love you,” I whisper into her hair. “I love you, I love you,” I repeat as I squeeze her.
“I love you too, baby,” she whispers through tears. She gently kisses her daughter’s forehead and rearranges her gently so that we can look at her. She’s tiny, with blue eyes and a scattering of fair hair.
Is this real?
Is this our baby?
As if in the twilight zone, this perfect little pink person stares up at me.
“Joshua,” Natasha whispers through tears.
I shake my head in disbelief, unable to speak.
The doctor checks Natasha. “I need to do a little repair work here, Natasha.”
I stand concerned. “What’s wrong?” I frown.
“She needs some stitches.”
My face falls. “Oh.”
“That’s ok,” she whispers as she grabs my hand to reassure me.
“Take your daughter, Joshua,” the doctor instructs.
My face falls and I fumble. I don’t know how to hold this tiny thing without hurting her, but I lift her into my arms and sit in the chair next to the bed and stare at the little girl in my arms.
She’s tiny, so tiny and so perfect. My eyes float up to Natasha. “Are you ok, Presh?” I ask. God, I hate that she has had to go through so much today.
The doctor gives her an injection and she smiles sleepily as she nods. “I’m ok, Josh.”
My eyes fall back to the little person in my arms and I frown, unwrapping a little of her blanket to look at her, and as if by some miracle, she reaches out and wraps her tiny hand around my pointer finger. I feel my heart somersault in my chest as every emotion overwhelms me. My eyes fill with tears and I lift her precious little hand to my mouth and kiss the back of it.
This is love in its highest form.
Tears start to run down my face
“Happy Birthday,” I whisper.
I feel my heart swell with so much love, I could burst.
We did it. We did it. We made a baby.
My eyes rise back to the beautiful, brave woman who did this – the woman who brought me this happiness today. We have come so far and fought so hard and… words escape me. Never in a million years would I have thought, all those years ago when I was filling her void with other women, that this precise moment was in my future… that this higher level of being could ever be achieved.
I watch Natasha intently as our relationship hits another stratosphere.
I fucking love this woman with every ounce of my being.
“What’s her name?” The doctor asks.
My eyes drop to the precious bundle in my arms. “Jordana May Stanton,” I whisper.
“What a beautiful name.” The doctor smiles.
“It is,” I reply, totally distracted by the tiny little person in my hands.
The doctor finishes twenty minutes later, and I hand our baby back to Natasha. The nurse arranges her to try and feed. I stand still and hold my breath as I watch. She latches on and starts to suck and I feel the floor fall from underneath me. This is one of the most basic human needs, and yet it may just be the most intimate and beautiful thing I have ever seen. I watch the woman I love turn into a mother. My eyes well up again and I wipe my tears with the back of my hands.
Natasha smiles up at me with love in her eyes. “Josh.” She smiles. “Look what we made?”
“I love you so much,” I whisper as I sit on the bed and watch her feed our child. For half an hour, we stay silent and still as we watch our baby. I am in awe. There is nothing on Earth that could ever compare to this feeling. Natasha hands her back to me and I sit and stare at her in my arms. I know I should go outside and tell everyone the news, but I don’t want to break this moment. This is time that I can never get back and they are all going to have to wait.
“Can I take a shower?” Natasha asks. “I feel like I have just fought ten rounds with Mike Tyson,” she murmurs.
“Of course,” the nurse replies. “I will–”