Hey, that was hard enough, and I did most of the talking. I arched an eyebrow in his direction.
Truth. His sigh was telling as he climbed the stairs. Nothing scared the Gargoyle, but our little bird had fire, literally and figuratively, and we all knew she was at her limit for the night. Whether she knew it or not, she had us all wrapped around her finger, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Our connection was strong, and we’d do anything to protect and take care of her.
Eight
Nix
A knock on my door pulled me from my homework induced stupor, and I pulled my headphones off my ears as I tossed the textbook to the end of the bed. I hadn’t resumed classes yet, and I was drowning in the reading and coursework load that had been piling up while I’d been recovering. Thankfully the guys had been able to get my assignments, and I was following along via the syllabus for each class. I’d be damned if I let myself fall behind in school; not after I’d worked so hard. It also served as a great distraction from the saga that was my past. I thought I was handling myself rather well, but I was also trying hard not to dwell on everything I’d learned, lest I drive myself crazy.
“Hello!” A sweet, feminine voice floated through my doorway and I squeaked, hopping up and rushing the door, toppling books in the process. “Your catering service has arrived!” My best friend joked on the other side of the door.
Flinging the bedroom door open, I saw Rini in all her petite glory holding up a donut box. The sweet smell floated to me and my stomach growled appreciatively. “What the hell are you doing here?” I squealed.
“I bring sustenance in the form of sweet sugary goodness. I figured you’d need it but you totally owe me! I almost lost a hand trying to get these past Damien and up the stairs, and then I almost lost the whole damn box to Ryder’s sweet tooth!” She grinned, and I pulled her into the room.
“How many did he get off of you before you made it up the stairs?” I laughed.
“Only two, but I swear it would have been the whole damn box. He may have saved you one… you know… since he likes you and all.” She gave me a silly grin. Glancing over her shoulder, I tried to see if one of her bears would be waiting in the hallway. To my delight, we seemed to have the upstairs to ourselves.
“They’re downstairs if you’re looking for the three musketeers. I convinced them that no horrors awaited in your bedroom unless you counted dirty laundry or dirty fun sex toys.” She grinned salaciously and I laughed.
“Girl, you give me way too much credit for having a naughty side.” We pushed the books on my mattress aside and sat cross legged on the bed, the box of donuts between us. “I’m not the one with three gorgeous hunks to serve her every wanton wish.” I winked as I threw the box open to survey my donut choices.
She shot me an evil grin. “No, you’re the one with five.”
I rolled my eyes. “Kissing is all I’ve done.”
“Or all you’ll own up to.” She wiggled her eyebrows like Ryder. Oh Lord, there were two of them!
I giggled. “What is up with you! You’re getting as bad as Ryder.”
“I have been stuck in that house with three overbearing, overprotective, way-too-sexy-for-my-ovaries-to-handle hunks, and I need a dose of estrogen before I self combust.” She rolled her eyes playfully and I laughed with her, understanding her predicament but also understanding theirs. I’d unwittingly put their mate in danger. If it had been me, I’d be worried and protective too. I was pretty sure they hated me.
Trying to cover up my sudden wince, I tried to distract her from my reaction by diving into the box of goodies in front of me and choosing a cream filled donut. “I’ll love you forever for this, you know that right?” Biting into it, I moaned loudly.
“Oh, yeah! That’s right baby!” She yelled loudly, eliciting barks of laughter and groans from downstairs. Damn shifter hearing.
I nearly choked. My friend could appear so innocent, but behind those eyes lurked a trouble maker. “What the hell are you doing?” I whispered urgently, trying to swallow the bite I’d taken.
“Just had to get a rise out of them and lighten the mood. They’re all so tense down there.” She shrugged and looked toward the comforter, picking at the stitching.
“Your guys have every right to be upset. Let me clarify that… they have every right to be upset at me. Not the guys. All any of you were trying to do was help me. Thank you, by the way.” Losing my appetite, I put my food back in the box, licking the confectioners sugar off of my fingers.
“It’s my fault.” Her voice broke. “I’m the reason Theo got shot.”
“Are you fucking kidding me? Rini, look at me.” When she looked up, I saw the tears swimming in her soft brown eyes.
“It was not your fault. I was the one who dragged my past into your lives and got Theo hurt. I’m the one who put everyone in danger. I wish I could make it go away.” Now I felt the tears pooling in my own eyes.
We looked at each other, taking in our weepy state and started laughing, letting the tears stream down our cheeks. We both reached out, clasping each others wrists, donuts forgotten as we laughed and cried together. It was filled with emotion, but by the time that we were done, I knew we both felt better. I was surprised at how well I had handled the contact, but my Phoenix had needed it as much as Rini and I had.
“I don’t think Barrett, Donovan, or Cayden are going to let me go back to the dorms right away. I’m so sorry.” She winced, but I quickly waved her off.
“Like Hiro, Ryder, Theo, Killian, or Damien are going to let me go back? It’s not likely… and honestly, I’m not sure I want to go back yet.” I wrapped my arms around myself. I didn’t want to be paranoid or afraid, but the idea of staying alone in the dorm at night—even with Rini right next door—did scare me, and I hated myself for those thoughts. “Did you hear that he wasn’t really my father?” My voice was so quiet, I almost couldn’t even hear myself.
“I did. Theo.” That’s all she needed to say. I sighed. In some ways it was nice that Theo was so close to her, so that I didn’t have to explain everything again and again, especially when I didn’t really understand it all myself. I did hope that he wasn’t quite as open with our sex lives, however…
“I don’t even know what to think. I hate him.” Truer words had never been spoken, but I also knew I shouldn’t let that hate rot inside of me. Somehow, I needed to glean onto the good things. I needed to let him be a memory, to let the past be just that. I may not be able to stop hating him, but I could let the hate not matter and slowly disappear from my life. I wasn’t related to that son of bitch. He had no claim over me. If he would just go away, I may even be able to finally live a normal life. Or some semblance of normal, anyway.
“I’m pretty sure that’s a fair reaction. What he did to you, it’s terrible, Nix. I hate that you had to grow up in such a terrible situation. I wish you had grown up here, with all of us.” She reached forward and placed her hand on my knee carefully. Seeing the movement coming, I didn’t flinch or pull away, instead, I looked up at her and gave her a watery smile.
“I just wish I knew more about what happened in my past. Who the hell is my real father? What happened to my mother? I wish I could remember more, but I just can’t. I was young. The only thing I remember is that sadistic asshole and small glimpses of my mother. They’re just little clips of images and memories that I think are real, but I’m not even sure.” My heart broke over all the things I didn’t know or remember.