CHAPTER 36
Cemetery by Auld a′chruinn, Present-Day Fall
Bas maillaichte!”
Sean was covered in cold sweat. He ripped open Payton’s shirt, staring at his naked chest. As he placed the heel of his
hand on Payton’s breastbone in a desperate attempt to resuscitate him, he cursed Nathaira’s name.
“I’ll be damned if I allow you to take another brother away from me, you black-hearted witch!” he roared.
His tears fell on Payton’s motionless chest as he tried to keep his brother’s heart beating.
“If you leave me now, Payton, I’ll—”
“You’ll do what?” asked a shaky voice behind him.
Sean froze in his tracks, turned around slowly, and sank back on his heels. His voice was hoarse and shaky when he
replied: “Well, Sam, then I swear I will kill him!”
Sean’s face was wet with tears, and his red-rimmed eyes and Payton’s lifeless body sucked the rest of my energy out of
me. I sank into the wet, dead leaves on the cemetery ground.
I was alive! But even though I had found my way back, I had never felt so lost.
Sobbing, I threw myself into Sean’s arms, but he pushed me away.
“Sam!” he yelled, wiping the tears from my face. “Tell me, Sam, can we save him? I know you were there, but did you
also find a way to get Vanora’s blood?”
I nodded and handed him the bag.
He yanked it out of my hands, frantically emptying its contents. When he reached for the leather-wrapped package, I
stopped him.
“No, that’s not it! There, that’s the dagger Nathaira used to kill her mother. It is soaked in Vanora’s blood,” I
explained, clutching the soft package against my chest.
He wrenched the dagger from its wrapping and gave me a puzzled look.
“This is it? What the—?”
“Yes, Sean! This is it! What do you think it was like, pulling that dagger from the witch’s chest? Do you think it was
pure pleasure? Would you have had a better idea? Vanora’s blood: There it is! I repaid my debt. I’ve kept my goddamn
promise!” I screamed, scrambling to my feet. “It’s up to you now to save him! Make it count!”
It was all a bit much for me. I couldn’t stay here a second longer. Nothing was as it should be, and my whole goddamn
life was in shambles.
My guilt weighed heavily on me. So heavily that I couldn’t face the music. Besides, the pain of leaving Past Payton was
fresh and deep, and my heart was breaking. And Future Payton was perhaps dead. Why did love always have to hurt so much?
I walked farther and farther away from the two brothers while Sean pulled Nathaira’s knife across Payton’s chest. I
saw that the cut wasn’t deep, but the fresh blood gushing out still made me nauseated. With a final glance at the face
that I loved so much, I turned around and broke into a run.
My breathing got easier with every step that took me farther away from the cemetery. Slowly, the terror and shock of
time travel subsided. I no longer shivered from my dreadful journey back but because it was a cold, damp fall evening.
Thick fog swirled around the rocks by Loch Duich, and I walked right up to the lakeshore. When I was a child, I had
always found it comforting to stick my feet in the water of the lake by our house. And so I slipped out of my well-worn
sandals and dipped my toes in the ice-cold water.
Straight away, my mind cleared.
I loved Payton. Leaving him was the hardest thing I had ever done in my life. Still, I couldn’t bring myself to go back
to him, back to Future Payton. Because if Sean should manage to save his life, then I would have to own up to what I’d
done and wouldn’t be able to keep this terrible guilt to myself.
If I had only dared to tell him the truth sooner, I would have spared him a lot of pain and suffering. I would not make
that mistake again, even if it meant losing his love.
And so apparently Nathaira had kept the upper hand. Our love had destroyed her plans. And now she was destroying us. Did
she know this would happen when she let me go after that incident with Ross?
There was no answer to my questions, and so I just stared up at the sky whose dark evening blue was slowly turning to a
soothing night black. Every star up on the firmament was in exactly the right spot. Why couldn’t I find the right spot
for me? Why did I always have to wander, never knowing where I belonged?
My feet were numb from the cold, and I sat up, folding my legs under me so they would warm up again. In doing so, I
realized I still had that small package that was now sitting in my lap.
Tenderly, I touched the leather wrapping, following the leather band with my fingers. With a big fat lump in my throat I
tore the band off the package and unfolded the wrapping.
My heart stopped. Just one look, and I couldn’t believe it. Laughing and crying all at the same time, I unfolded the
little note that accompanied the gift.
Sam, mo luaidh,
You stumbled into my heart that night, and I realized how special you were before I ever found this. You don’t belong
here, you said—but nothing could be farther from the truth. You belong with me, no matter what happens. Don’t leave
me, for I’d rather die than be without you. Don’t leave me, for I love you.
But if you do, then do it because you love me, and then hold on to this. Because whatever you do, you are a part of me.
Mo luaidh, tha gràdh agam ort.
Payton
With trembling fingers I held up his gift and pressed the soft fabric against my chest.
“It doesn’t matter what you have done, or what I have done. Guilt and shame and hatred cannot overshadow the only
thing I am left with. I haven’t been able to forget about you, not ever since I watched you by the lake.” I recalled
his words silently in my mind.
Suddenly I knew where the right spot was for me, where I belonged. I bundled up the Black Eyed Peas T-shirt that he had
returned to me, and ran barefoot back the way I had come. Tiny, pointy rocks dug into the soles of my feet, and with
every little prick I found the way back to myself. The truth of who I really was washed all over me, and the strangeness
of my experiences in the past faded into the background.
“Payton!” I yelled, praying that I wasn’t too late, that I still had a chance.
Love flooded my entire being when I saw him sitting up, his face distorted in pain but with a smile on his lips. Without
regard for Sean, who was offering him a cup of water, I fell to my knees by Payton’s side and pushed Sean out of the
way. I wanted to throw myself into his arms, but he looked so weak and sickly that I stopped.
“Thank God you’re alive. The blood is helping! I was so stupid! I was so confused. Can you forgive me?” I sobbed
incoherently.
“Sam, mo luaidh! It’s not enough that I have had to wait for you for almost three hundred years and still almost died
under Nathaira’s wicked curse. And now this? You will have to get used to sitting by my side every time I cheat death,
like a good wife! And now get over here!”
Tears streamed down my face as he pulled me into his arms and kissed me.
When he finally sank back, weak and exhausted, I grinned from ear to ear and ran my finger over the scar on his chin.
“Sorry about that,” I whispered.
“Oh, this? No need to be sorry. This is nothing compared to the two hundred and seventy years I had to go without you!
Now that I remember things, I realize how lost I really was during that time. I’ve missed you so much. Please, don’t
ever leave me again,” he begged, and I could see the pain in his eyes.
I grabbed the dagger lying beside him, wrapped my fingers tightly around the blade, and looked him deep in the eye.
“Payton McLean, by my blood, I swear this oath to you: I will never leave you ever again. My life is yours.”
Sean grinned a wide grin as he handed me the cup that was part of his thermos bottle. There was no wine in it, so water
would have to do. I dipped the blood-covered tip of the sgian dhu in it and handed the cup to Payton. Then I wrapped my
hand in the embroidered linen cloth Fingal had given to me two hundred seventy years prior. It was a family heirloom in
a way.
“My life for you, milady,” Payton replied, laughing, and he took a sip before pulling me close to his chest and
kissing me deeply.