She shot a sideways glance at him. Questions pushed at the back of her teeth, but she wasn’t ready to let go of the anger.
“Want to know what it was?” he asked, then paused for a heartbeat. “Life happens. And some things I simply have no control over. None. All I can do is accept that, and live every moment I’m given to the fullest.”
The raw sincerity in his voice grabbed her undivided attention, and she narrowed her eyes to study him. Something was different. It wasn’t just the complete freeness about him, either, which was disconcerting to say the least. Even when he’d been trying like hell to make things work between them, there had always been an underlying tension, a constant he-would-bolt-at-any-second vibe when it came to the future of their relationship.
Holy shit. That was it. The tension and the vibe were gone. He felt…at peace.
The man sitting next to her was not the one she’d left standing in her driveway, uncertain if he could handle her profession or not. This man was the one who’d gone to Zumba, who’d run with her in the mud, who’d found a little girl’s mother, held Gayle while she’d cried. The man who’d helped her face her past and cooked with such joy after he’d faced his own.
And now he was driving her chase vehicle, the very thing that had come between them, with that same damn determination and steadfastness.
That other man in the driveway, he would leave her. He did leave her.
Somehow, she knew this new man wouldn’t. Knew it to the depth of her soul.
She swallowed, terrified of allowing him back in, in any form. But she was unable to ignore what he was trying to show her.
“Th-that’s quite an epiphany,” She cleared her throat against the nerves suddenly taking her body hostage. “What made you decide to let go and accept all that?”
He smiled wryly. “When life decided it was my turn to look death in the face again. I’ve done it before, trapped under that refrigerator, but any lessons learned were erased when everything I loved was taken from me. That time, I had no reason to live. This time I did.” He shot a quick glance at her. “You.”
I’ve been recovering. Looked death in the face. This time.
The real meaning of those words suddenly hit her square in the chest. “What happened to you, Mac?”
He sent her a sideways smile. “I’m fine now. Doctors released me yesterday. It’s the only reason I didn’t come sooner, and I sure as fuck wasn’t doing this over the phone.”
“Mac. What happened?” A rising dread was making it difficult to breath. She wanted to claw at her throat to loosen the grip this unbidden panic had around it.
“P-pull over.”
She had to get out of this damn car.
As soon as he stopped, she jumped out and ran into the adjoining field. The robust winds whipped her hair and she wrapped her arms around her waist, inhaling the air greedily. It smelled of hay and wet earth with a hint of ozone. Familiar smells that usually comforted. But not now. What was freaking her out so badly?
Mac came to stand beside her.
“I had a brain contusion. Seemed I’d been walking around with a very mild concussion ever since I fought Ragin. Then I got clocked twice at the gym, and the second punch did me in. I was out before I hit the floor. Didn’t regain consciousness for hours.”
Gayle hugged herself tighter. And she had been completely unaware of it. This entire time, she’d thought he was moving on with his life, but in reality he’d been recovering from a brain injury. He could have died and she wouldn’t have known the truth until it was too late.
The realization twisted her gut so sharply the pain nearly brought her to her knees.
“After they released me from the hospital, I spent a week and a half lying in bed. I couldn’t read, watch TV, or anything. All I could do was think.” He looked down at his feet. “About how much I love you, how much I miss you, how much I regret running out of that hospital…and how the hell I was going to win you back. The second week I could do small periods of activity, so I started watching YouTube videos about chasing, learning everything I could about what you do. See, I was planning my own chase. But my goal isn’t to catch a tornado. My goal is to catch you.”
Tears welled in her eyes, making his frame swim in front of her. Mac had faced death, and returned to her ready to accept everything she came with.
That she had come so close to losing him, without knowing it, was giving her a wake-up call. She’d forgotten life could step in and change her world in an instant, regardless of how happy or sad, protective or carefree she lived day to day. Even if Mac had stayed with her after the crash, his silent brain injury could have taken him from her at any minute.
As much as she wanted to believe her live-in-the-moment philosophy shielded her from the pain of loss, the truth was, she’d been no different than Mac. She’d tried to control life, but all she’d really done was keep herself detached from other people for fear of losing them.
And how fucked up was that?