The Beautiful Widow

CHAPTER EIGHT



IT HAD GONE FAR BETTER than he’d expected. Steel glanced at Toni as they drove back to the city later that night. They had gone for a drive after their heart-to-heart in the car park, exploring the surrounding area for some thirty miles or so around the house before stopping for dinner at an imposing country hotel. Toni had telephoned her parents before they had left the pub after lunch and arranged for her mother to pick the twins up, and, although she hadn’t exactly relaxed during the afternoon, she hadn’t been distant or withdrawn. During dinner he’d set out to make her laugh and he’d succeeded. Yes, all in all it could have been a lot worse.

He glanced at her again as the car was forced to stop at traffic lights. She was sleeping, her hair forming a soft and silky veil and hiding her face from him. Even in her sleep she managed to elude him, he thought wryly. But no more. He refused to stay on the perimeter of her life for one more day, one more hour, one more minute. He had been patient, more patient than he would ever have dreamt he could be over this woman, and more honest in his opening up to her too. Was she aware of that? Aware he’d let her see more of him than anyone else had done?

Admittedly he hadn’t intended that to begin with. His firm mouth twisted. The evening chats he’d manoeuvred as a means of finding out more about her with a view to getting her into bed had backfired a little. She’d got under his skin, beguiled him, tempted him to reveal things he’d never thought he’d talk about to anyone. Not because she’d been pushy, hell no, just the opposite. It was the gentle, unassuming way she had that had knocked him for six. That and the air of unsophisticated innocence that clothed her like a second skin. He’d had to remind himself more than once that she had been married, that she had two children and was far from being a chaste virgin.

But when he kissed her … His body stirred, becoming as hard as a rock. She was a different woman. And he wanted her—sinner and saint, he wanted all of her.

It was the damnedest thing, he reflected as he drove home through the white, frosty world outside the cosy warmth of the car, that he—a man who placed great value on being in control—had never felt more out of control in his life. And yet it didn’t make any difference. She was like a drug and infinitely more addictive than the strongest narcotic or opiate.

When he drew up outside her house it was past eleven o’clock and only the hall light was glowing. He kissed her awake, smiling slightly as he felt her respond even before she was fully conscious.

She was flushed and dishevelled and as sexy as every schoolboy fantasy by the time he exited the car and walked round to the passenger door, and once she was standing on the pavement he kissed her again, lightly, before looking down at her face in the shadows. He brought his hand up and traced her lips with a finger. ‘Are you going to tell your parents about us?’

She blinked. ‘That we’re friends?’

He grinned. ‘Your mother likes me,’ he said with an air of considerable satisfaction.

‘Only because you ate two helpings of her casserole.’

‘When am I going to be invited again?’

She’d fallen into that one, Toni thought wryly. ‘I don’t know. How often do friends eat at each other’s homes?’

‘All the time.’

‘Steel—’

He caught the note of anxiety in her voice with his lips as he kissed her. ‘A day at a time, sweetheart. OK?’

She swallowed. Now she was home, standing outside the place wherein her two children lay sleeping, she was filled with doubts and panic. This could only end badly. She knew it as surely as night followed day. So why on earth was she allowing it to continue for another moment? And then she looked up into the hard, handsome face and she knew why. At some point over the last six months she had fallen in love with Steel.

She lowered her lids to hide the stricken look she knew must be visible in her eyes. She had fought against it, railed against it, told herself all sorts of lies and evasions, but it was still true. She loved him. She loved him as she would never love anyone else, the infatuation she had felt for Richard before they had married a pale shadow in comparison.

A tiny part of her acknowledged it was a relief to admit it to herself at last; a far bigger part felt terrified.

‘You’re tired. I’d better let you go.’ This time his kiss was just a peck on the top of her nose. ‘And tell your mother you’ve invited me to dinner tomorrow.’

‘I haven’t. I didn’t,’ she said weakly, without heat.

‘Or I’ll phone up and tell her myself. I’m in your life, Toni. Get used to it.’

She watched him turn and walk back to his car and she thought, Yes, but for how long? How long before the novelty of him having to chase a woman for once—because that was undoubtedly what this was all about—began to pall? However long it was, it wouldn’t be long enough. She wanted for ever. The whole roses-round-the-door scenario. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

She became aware that although he was sitting in the car he was waiting to see her inside the house before he drove off. It was one of the many little courtesies that were as natural to him as breathing and her heart ached with love for him. She waved once and then opened the front door and stepped into the house, closing it and leaning against it as she heard the engine purr into life.

She continued to stand there long after the sound of the car had disappeared, a thousand and one emotions tearing at her breast. And then very slowly, like an old woman, she climbed the stairs to check on the girls. They were fast asleep, Amelia lying with one hand under her cheek and Daisy curled into a little ball under the covers with only the top of her head visible. Her precious babies, her precious girls.

And only then did she let the tears come.

She was awoken from a deep sleep by her mobile phone, which she’d forgotten to turn off the night before. Half falling off the small sofa bed she staggered across the sitting room and reached for her bag, aware it was still dark. ‘Hello?’ she said muzzily. ‘Who is it?’

‘Toni? I’m an uncle.’ Steel’s voice was ridiculously excited. ‘Annie had a little girl this morning.’

‘Oh, Steel.’ Suddenly she was wide awake. ‘How wonderful.’

‘She’s beautiful, exquisite, with the tiniest fingers and toes. I can’t believe she was inside her mother only yesterday.’

‘You’ve seen her already?’ Toni squinted at the time on her mobile and it informed her it was five o’clock.

‘I’ve been at the hospital since I left you. Just as I drove away Jeff phoned and said Annie had been in labour all day and they were leaving for the hospital, and if I could spare half an hour she’d love to see me. So I went and saw her and then waited in a little room until the baby was born. She’s perfect. Small but perfect.’

‘What did she weigh?’ Toni asked, smiling at his enthusiasm.

‘Six pound something, I think.’

‘Is she still Eve?’

‘Almost. It’s Miranda Eve now. Miranda was our mother’s name,’ he added huskily. ‘It suits her already.’

For a moment the urge to see him and hold him in her arms was so strong she felt weak with it. He was upset; thrilled but upset, and she could understand that. His mother would never see her granddaughter. That was hard at such a joyous time.

‘Where are you now?’ she said softly.

‘Sitting outside your house.’

‘What?’ She jumped as though he’d walked into the sitting room, smoothing down her hair hastily.

‘I—I wanted to be near you,’ he said hoarsely.

Oh, Steel, Steel. You are going to break my heart. ‘Fancy a coffee?’ she whispered. ‘But you’ll have to be quiet. The girls have got elephant ears.’

‘A mouse wouldn’t make less noise,’ he whispered back.

‘I’ll let you in.’ She could tell he was smiling.

Hastily switching the light on, she delved into her handbag for her brush and brought some sort of order to her hair. Her face was shiny with sleep and devoid of make-up but she couldn’t do anything about that, she reflected as she stared into the sitting-room mirror. Reaching for her thick towelling robe, she pulled it on over her thin silk pyjamas, knotting the belt tightly. She had cried herself to sleep last night, wondering how she was going to cope with seeing him at the office with other people around for the first time since his amazing declaration, but now at least there was only the two of them and Annie’s baby would break the ice. Not that there was ice between them. Just the opposite. It was fire every time their lips touched. Which was the cause of all her problems.

‘Hi. Thanks for letting me come in.’

She had opened the door to find him on the doorstep, incredibly sexy if a little tired, black stubble coating his chin and his hair falling across his forehead. He looked … She gave up trying to find a word that encapsulated heaven on earth and prayed for self-control. ‘Hi yourself.’ She swung the door wide as she turned and walked through the hall to the kitchen. ‘I’ll put the coffee on.’

‘I woke you,’ he murmured as he stood in the kitchen doorway.

‘Considering it’s five o’clock in the morning, is that surprising?’ She turned and smiled to soften the words. ‘Sit down, you look exhausted.’ And what power decreed that when men looked all in they were ten times more sexy, whereas women just looked haggard? Few things in life were fair.

He didn’t sit down. Instead he walked across and drew her gently into his arms. They stood quietly, in benign contrast to all their earlier blazing embraces, as he said, ‘She’s so tiny and so vulnerable, a little scrap of nothing and yet a person with eyelashes and fingernails. And she looks like Annie. I can remember when Annie was born and I went to see her with my father. I was twelve years old at the time and thought she was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. And Miranda is like her. I’d forgotten about that time until today.’

‘And Annie’s OK?’ she asked unsteadily, touched at his emotion.

‘She’s euphoric. On cloud nine and refusing to come down.’

Toni nodded. ‘I can remember when the twins were born, I was the same. And yet scared too. Suddenly I had these two little people who were wholly dependent on me and I was terrified I’d let them down.’

‘And you coped with them on your own,’ he said, very softly.

Toni had wrapped her arms round his waist and now it took a great deal not to pull away and defuse what was a deeply personal memory. A host of memories. ‘Yes, I did, from day one,’ she said after a moment or two. ‘Richard didn’t even come into the hospital with me when I gave birth; he said hospitals made him feel sick. It was a full twenty-four hours before he saw the girls and I found myself making excuses for him to the other women in the maternity unit, pretending he’d been called away at work. The first time he saw them in their little plastic cots by the side of my bed, I could tell he didn’t know what to say. For months, years, I tried to tell myself he’d been overcome with the miracle of it, at these two little people who were now suddenly in the world, but in actual fact he felt nothing. In fact the whole business repelled him.’

‘Did he say that?’ Steel’s arms had tightened round her as she’d been talking.

‘Yes, one night when we were having a fight about how little he was at home. He—he called them parasites.’

‘Hell.’ Steel jerked against her.

‘It was a couple of months before he died, and from that night I knew our marriage was over. But there were the girls and he was their father … I didn’t know what to do.’

‘It’s OK.’ His arms tightened still more and she felt his lips against her forehead.

‘They are my beautiful, precious girls, Steel, and he spoke about them as though …’ She dragged in a breath. ‘I could have killed him that night. If I’d had a weapon in my hands I would have used it.’

He moved her slightly, cupping her face in his hand, his thumb stroking the pure line of her silky cheek. ‘Broken kneecap job at the very least, I’d say.’

She gave a damp smile. ‘I’m sorry, you don’t want to hear this now, not when you’re so pleased about Annie.’

He ignored this. ‘How come you’re not still hating the guy?’ he asked quietly. ‘Because you don’t hate him, do you?’

‘I did for a while, even after he’d died. And then one day I realised he was the one who had missed out. The girls had done or said something, I can’t even remember what now, and it dawned on me I meant the world to them. For every little bit of love I gave them I got it back tenfold, and Richard had never, would never, experience that. They didn’t miss him—in fact they barely noticed he’d gone. And that was terribly sad. He was a stranger to them, a distant cold stranger who had as little impact on their lives as the man in the moon. It—it made me all the more determined to make sure no one would ever let them down again. They deserve the best.’

‘Hence the repelling of all boarders on the good ship, Toni George?’ The words could have been taken as light; the way he was looking at her was anything but.

‘I guess.’ She smiled wanly. ‘Yes.’

He stroked the tears from her face with large male hands. ‘You’re some woman.’ He pulled her into him again, his voice a rumble above her head as he said, ‘We came across each other too soon, didn’t we? You’d barely had time to come to terms with the fact you were free and then I was there.’

His insight surprised her. But it was true. And then she wondered if his words were a form of farewell. She couldn’t blame him if he was backing off so soon; he could have any woman he wanted. Why would he put his hand up for getting involved with someone who was little more than a nutcase?

‘You mentioned coffee?’ He placed his palms along either side of her face. ‘And if there’s any toast to go with that I wouldn’t say no. I’m absolutely starving.’

She had just prepared a pot of coffee and a plate of buttered toast when little footsteps alerted her to the fact the twins were up and about. Sure enough a few moments later two small figures clad in teddy-bear pyjamas appeared in the kitchen doorway and huge brown eyes stared questioningly.

‘Well, hello.’ Steel smiled at the two little girls who had hesitated on the threshold, clearly unsure of their welcome once they saw him. ‘I’ve just called to show your mummy a picture of my niece who was born this morning. Would you like to see it too?’ he added as he fetched a camera from his coat pocket. ‘She’s only an hour or two old—how about that?’

They sidled over to him, Amelia leading the way as normal, and stared wide-eyed at the pictures he showed them.

‘She’s very tiny.’ Amelia studied the camera with intense concentration. ‘And her face is all screwed up.’

‘And she hasn’t got any hair,’ Daisy put in. ‘Not even a bit.’

‘Not yet, but that will come.’ Steel smiled at the girls. ‘One day she’ll be as pretty as you.’

The twins looked doubtful. ‘Has she got a mummy and a daddy?’ Amelia asked after a moment or two.

Steel nodded. ‘A very nice mummy and daddy.’

‘We’ve just got a mummy,’ Daisy informed him. ‘Our daddy’s in heaven and he’s not coming back.’

Toni had just browned some more toast and now she froze, not knowing what to say to help Steel.

‘I think your mummy’s terrific,’ Steel said quietly, ‘better than any other mummy I know, which makes you very lucky, and I think she’s probably got some toast for you right now.’

‘Yes! Yes!’ Hot buttered toast was the twins’ favourite.

It was Daisy who said—once the girls had a slice of toast each—'Can we sit with you?’ as she stood in front of Steel, all brown-eyed entreaty.

‘I don’t see why not.’ Steel made room for the girls on each knee, careless of his designer suit and the dripping butter.

Toni looked into the chiselled male face and knew she would love him for ever. Which was terrifying.

By the time Toni’s parents made an appearance the twins had already been upstairs to inform their grandparents the steel man was in the kitchen having breakfast. Consequently Vivienne and William were remarkably matter-of-fact, congratulating Steel on becoming an uncle when he showed them the pictures of Miranda and acting as though it were commonplace to have a multimillionaire eating breakfast in their tiny kitchen.

Every moment was bittersweet for Toni. It was impossible not to imagine how it would be if the twins were Steel’s children, his flesh and blood, because he was so good with them and they seemed to have taken to him big time. For such a masculine man he definitely had a way with children, and she found this surprising, although she reflected she shouldn’t have. He had brought Annie up, hadn’t he? And she’d noticed he had a compassion for anything small and defenceless, even going to the bother of catching a spider and putting it outside when one had found its way into his office a few weeks back. On the other hand he was ruthless and uncompromising in business, annihilating the competition without any remorse and showing no weakness.

An enigma. She nodded mentally to the thought as she and the girls disappeared upstairs to wash and get dressed. Steel had suggested he give her a lift. He just needed to visit his apartment to change his clothes and have a shave first, he’d said blandly, as though the two of them arriving at the office together would provoke no comment.

Once the girls were ready for school they disappeared downstairs again leaving her to finish getting ready. By the time she came down they were jumping with excitement owing to the fact Steel had suggested he take them to the school’s breakfast club in his car.

‘It’s called a Rapide,’ Amelia informed Toni very seriously. ‘Because it goes fast. An’ it goes really, really fast, doesn’t it?’ she added, turning to Steel.

‘Like the wind,’ he assured the little girl gravely.

‘But not when it’s taking you two to school,’ Toni cautioned. ‘Then it goes nice and safely.’

‘Oh, Mummy.’ She was clearly the spoilsport this morning.

Toni could just feel the neighbours’ eyes boring into her back when she and Steel and the girls climbed into the car a few minutes later. Curtains were twitching and no doubt speculation would be rife. And this was just the beginning of it. Steel was larger than life in every respect and consequently people took a healthy—and not so healthy—interest in what he did. Mind, she supposed she bought the celebrity gossip mags now and again, which perhaps wasn’t so very different.

As luck would have it—bad luck—the first person Toni saw when she got out of the car with the girls was Poppy with Nathan. Poppy’s husband usually dropped Nathan off every morning on his way to work to save Poppy having to try and get the other three children dressed and out of the house so early—no mean feat since the new baby had arrived.

‘Graham’s taken a couple of days’ holiday so I can get on with some Christmas shopping without the kids,’ Poppy said as Toni reached her, talking to Toni but with her eyes fixed on the Aston Martin. ‘Is that him? Steel Landry?’

‘Uh-huh.’ Toni continued walking to the school gate but once the children had gone in Poppy caught hold of her arm. ‘You sly old fox, you. What’s going on?’

‘Nothing.’ She didn’t feel ready to discuss Steel this morning.

‘Nothing? He’s dropping your children off and you say nothing?’ Poppy’s eyes sparkled. ‘Did he stay the night?’

‘He called by early this morning, that’s all, and offered me a lift, and Amelia and Daisy wanted a ride in his car. That’s all there is to it. And—and we’re probably going to have the odd date now and again, just as friends.’

Poppy stopped dead and then as Toni carried on walking hurried to catch her up. ‘Since when has all this happened? You didn’t say a word about it at the weekend.’

‘Since yesterday. We—we had a heart-to-heart.’

They had almost reached the car and as Steel leant across from the driver’s seat and thrust open the passenger door for Toni to climb in Poppy shamelessly stared. Toni couldn’t help smiling. She thought it was the first time she’d seen Poppy lost for words. But only for a moment. ‘Eye candy,‘ Poppy murmured, ‘doesn’t do him justice.’

‘Shh, he’ll hear you.’

‘Ring me,’ said Poppy as Toni slid into the car. ‘Soon.’