Passing as Elias

chapter Six

Passing as Elias

Elizabeth went to the closest wig shop first thing on Monday morning. She browsed for several minutes, pondering over what kind of hairstyle her alias should sport. A friendly older gentleman in a toupee bustled over to assist Elizabeth.

‘May I help you Miss?’ he said in a quivering voice.

‘Oh yes. My … my father, he requires a wig.’ Elizabeth said glancing around.

‘Getting a bit thin up there, is he?’

‘Mmh,’ Elizabeth said noncommittally, ‘I want … he wants something that is not too flashy. Simple.’

They went through numerous boxes of wigs until Elizabeth found the perfect one. It was dark brown, in a common style, but not too flashy. Elizabeth thought it might look quite good with a tricorn hat.

‘I think this one would suit him the best.’ Elizabeth decided.

She paid a pound for the wig, and left the shop hurriedly in order to go home and try on her new outfit.

It took her an hour to transform herself into a man. The facial hair was the trickiest part for it required careful attention in looking realistic. She had decided against sporting a full beard, and went with a younger look. She used trimmings from the wig to glue on patches of hair at the side of her face, beside her ears.

Elizabeth cut over a foot of her own hair off in order to fit it all inside the new wig.

Feeling nervous, Elizabeth set out for her first day of work as a man. She planned to advertise the fact that the shop was now being run by a man. No one looked at her as she walked to the apothecary. A young lady smiled politely as she passed, but Elizabeth felt that no one saw her for what she really was.

Elizabeth put a large sign in the shop window stating: UNDER NEW OWNERSHIP with a little drawing of a top hat. Once the shop was open Elizabeth stood behind the counter, and put on a straight face. She must remember to control her voice, facial expressions, and movements. She took a deep breath and tried to control her racing heart. She was not sure why she was so nervous. She figured that she was frightened of someone recognising her. But, she thought suddenly, she did have a half brother … somewhere. She could pretend to be related to herself.

Elizabeth jumped when the shop bell tinkled. A very pregnant lady had waddled through the door.

‘Good-good day ma’am.’ Elizabeth stuttered. She cleared her throat.

‘Good morning,’ She smiled as she approached the counter.

‘Let me guess.’ Elizabeth said in a slightly deeper voice, ‘Something for the pain?’

‘Oh, yes.’ The lady said with a smile, ‘My feet – they are aching.’

‘And your husband made you walk here?’ Elizabeth said with a slight hitch of her chin. Confidence, she reminded herself, men are confident. She also cursed herself mentally for using too many inflictions in her sentences.

‘He is a very busy man.’ She replied, looking curiously at Elizabeth, ‘So, you are the new owner, I gather?’

‘Yes Ma’am.’ Elizabeth gave a tip of her hat.

‘I have never seen you before.’

‘J-just moved to town a week ago.’

‘Hm. A girl used to own this shop.’ She said delicately, fingering a doily upon the counter.

Elizabeth decided on a quick change of topic, ‘So, your feet, miss?’

Elizabeth spent the next ten minutes recommending and explaining various herbs, and lotions for the pregnant lady. She was pleasant enough, and took Elizabeth’s advice without question.

The rest of the day continued much the same. It was still nowhere near as busy as it had been in the days Professor de Bard, though Elizabeth felt that it would get better for today had been a large improvement over the last month. She sold twice as much as she had within the last week.

Females that walked past the apothecary looked in through its windows, spotted Elizabeth and sidled inside, pretending to look at the products on the shelves. Most of them did not buy anything at all, and Elizabeth figured they were only entering the shop to spy upon the new owner. One young girl stared at Elizabeth unashamedly, as though she could tell there was something strange about her.

Later that day, a rather familiar busty lady caught Elizabeth off-guard with a rather obvious question.

‘So, what do they call you?’ She asked, leaning on the counter and pressing her large breasts together.

‘El-’ Elizabeth stopped. She had not thought of a name for her male alias. How could she have been so stupid? No one had asked her name yet.

‘El?’ The woman repeated with one raised eyebrow.

Elizabeth did not feel she could backtrack after almost giving away her real name, ‘El … Elias.’ She invented, ‘Elias Searson. What may I call you, Miss?’

‘You may all me Minnie, Mister Searson. Now, I am in need of a poison to use on my garden. The snails are ruining my vegetables. Can you help me with that?’

While Elizabeth was concocting a custom made poison for the lady, she leant very close to Elizabeth across the counter, and asked lots of questions about what she was doing. Suddenly, Elizabeth realised where she recognised the woman. She had seen her numerous times as she walked passed the Upper Baggot Inn on her way home. This woman was a whore. Elizabeth suddenly felt very warm, and it became very clear that Minnie was flirting with Elizabeth. Well, Elizabeth thought, this is a great compliment to my disguise.

‘Are you married, Mister Searson?’

‘No Ma’am.’ Elizabeth said automatically.

‘But you wear a gold band on your ring finger?’ Minnie pointed out.

Shit, Elizabeth thought. She had forgotten to remove the ring that Captain Greenwood had given her.

‘My … uh … my wife died a year ago,’ Elizabeth invented, ‘I just wear the ring.’

‘Oh how sad.’ Minnie rubbed Elizabeth’s arm soothingly, ‘You poor man.’

Elizabeth nodded and continued with the order.

‘You must be lonely.’ Minnie continued, staring determinedly into Elizabeth’s face.

‘I manage.’ Elizabeth said shortly. She wanted to change the subject.

‘So strong.’ Minnie admired, rubbing his arm affectionately.

‘And done.’ Elizabeth said packaging up the snail poison and forcing it into Minnie’s hand.

She looked rather affronted, but did not say anything. Minnie paid for the poison and bade farewell to Elizabeth.

So her new name was Elias Searson. Elizabeth said the name to herself over and over again.

~

With her new found freedom, Elizabeth felt liberated. She could go where she liked, and do as she pleased. No one could tell her what to do anymore, and be damned if anyone questioned her intelligence.

She felt rebellious, and daring. Elizabeth wanted to test her new disguise on the public to see its effect. But where to go? She could go to the market and strut about the stalls. No, that would not do. No one would notice her there.

She needed to go somewhere where she would be judged; somewhere that she had never been before. Where had she avoided as a woman?

And then it came to her. Elizabeth had never been to the Upper Baggot Street Inn around the corner from the apothecary. It was full of drunken men, and loose women. Who better to test her get-up on? Elizabeth would visit the Inn that very night.

She had her reservations, of course. What if her disguise fooled no one, and she was thrown from the Inn? Would the men beat her, and the women spit upon her? Perhaps they would run for the mad house, raving about a lunatic woman who dressed as a man! Oh, the shame if she were discovered. But the apothecary was worth the risk.

When work was finished, and the sun had set, Elizabeth locked the apothecary doors and made her way up the lane towards the Inn. Her legs shook as she approached the corner, and once she rounded it she instantly heard the chatter. Music emanated loudly from the open door, and a warm yellow glow saturated the pavement.

When she walked inside, she noticed the floor was rather sticky, and it was quite crowded. Men edged around each other, talking loudly over the music, and laughing while busty women hung from their arms.

There was a small band consisting of an accordion, tuba, and flute player, which drowned out most of the chatter. No one looked at Elizabeth as she walked through the crowd, except an older woman who leered, showing several yellowing teeth. Elizabeth made it to the bar and sat herself upon one of the seats nervously. She knew she must seem quite odd, sitting straight backed, and looking around nervously. Everyone else within the premises slouched, yelled, and sat with their legs open. Elizabeth tried to imitate them. She leant one arm on the bar, hunched her shoulders, and sat open-legged. She saw a burly man scratch his crotch unashamedly. Elizabeth imitated him.

‘Wotcher, Darlin’.’ The barmaid said.

‘Uh, Hello.’ Elizabeth said in a rather high voice. A man at an adjacent stool looked up from his pint and stared.

Elizabeth cleared her throat, ‘Um, a … quart please?’

The barmaid raised an eyebrow, ‘Mind your P’s and Q’s dear. A little thing like you would not handle much!’ She gave a laugh and bustled off.

Elizabeth worried, and looked around. Well, everyone else was drinking beer by the looks of it. She listened to the conversations that were being held in the bar. The tongue was common, and the speech was slurred. Men chortled, woman cackled. Elizabeth stared at a middle-aged woman who seemed quite drunk. She had let a nipple slip, but did not seem to have noticed. Elizabeth accidentally caught her eye and looked away hurriedly, but too late. The woman swaggered over and leaned upon the bar for support.

‘All right, my love?’ She said loudly. Elizabeth tried very hard not to look at the nipple that poked out of her low cut dress.

Elizabeth nodded for fear that her voice would give her away.

‘Saw you lookin’ at me.’ She grinned. She was missing a front tooth.

‘Sorry.’ Elizabeth muttered.

‘You lookin’ for a good time, my sweet?’ She leaned closer.

‘N-no thank you.’ Elizabeth stammered. She stared determinedly at her tankard.

‘I can give ya a gobby round the back. Special price for a gen’leman like you.’

‘Perhaps another time.’ Elizabeth forced her face into what she hoped was an apologetic expression. She vaguely wondered how many times Captain Greenwood had been propositioned here. She shuddered to think the kinds of diseases these mangy dogs carried. She felt instantly guilty after thinking these thoughts though. She did not wish to stereotype, for if they knew who Elizabeth really was, they would most certainly judge her the same way.

‘Good lad.’ Said the man adjacent to Elizabeth at the bar, ‘Keep away from that one. She’ll rob yeh the moment yer out o’ sight.’

‘Oi, you watch your mouth. You bin ruinin’ business all night.’ Said the woman, but she stalked away haughtily.

‘Thank you.’ Elizabeth muttered, without taking her eyes off the tankard.

‘Never seen yeh round ‘ere before.’ Said the man.

He was extremely fat, and wore a shirt that probably used to be white. It was so grotty and stained, however, that it appeared brown. His large protruding belly meant he had to sit quite a distance away from the bar.

‘New in town.’ Elizabeth said, trying her hardest to maintain an octave lower than she was used to.

He grunted, ‘What yeh do fer a livin’?’

Elizabeth cleared her throat. This might be a good opportunity to spread the word that a man was now running the apothecary.

‘I just bought the apothecary around the corner.’ Elizabeth said, raising her chin.

‘Medicine man, eh? We need one o’ them ‘round here.’ He said gruffly.

‘Indeed. Well, do stop by if you ever need-’

‘Wot happened to tha’ girl, then?’

‘The girl?’ Elizabeth repeated cautiously.

‘Yeh, the lil red head thing.’ He waved a hand around his head to indicate long, curly hair.

‘She … she got married.’ Elizabeth said hoarsely. It was, after all, the truth.

The man grunted, and turned away, far too absorbed in his mead to say any more on the subject. Elizabeth was shaky, and decided that she did not like this Inn one bit. She left, with her quart almost untouched.

~

The wig was itchy. Elizabeth avoided scratching it while customers were around, in case they thought she had head lice, and would not return. She had succeeded in passing as Elias for three days in a row, and no one seemed any the wiser. Elizabeth felt free for the first time in her life. No one questioned her intelligence or capabilities. Men did not dispute the prices that Elizabeth asked for, and many came back to the shops to give their compliments. The same woman came to the apothecary every day, but never bought anything.

Business boomed over the coming weeks. Often, the shop was filled with so many customers, that people had to edge around each other. The customers found Elizabeth pleasant, and charming. She seemed to confuse the gentlemen because she made quite a pretty man, and the women smiled and laughed when Elizabeth flirted unashamedly. She found that she was using her power as a man to influence the buyer’s decisions. If she appeared extremely confident, then the customers had more confidence in her abilities. She enjoyed being Elias very much, and patrons had remembered her name very quickly. No one remembered Elizabeth’s name when Professor de Bard had run the shop, except Captain Greenwood of course.

Things had become so busy that Elizabeth was forced to hire a shop assistant to take care of less trivial things, like cleaning, taking stock, and running errands.

Elizabeth held interviews in the apothecary on Sunday afternoon. She had posted an advertisement on the town hall bulletin board. There had not been many applicants, and most of them had been male. Elizabeth did not want a man to work in the apothecary, but she was not sure why. The thought of another man there felt wrong. No, Elizabeth corrected herself, not another man. I am not a man. I am a woman.

Only one female applied for the position, a young girl called Merrill Freegard, who was only seventeen years old, and seemed strangely familiar. She was a tiny little thing, with thick locks of black hair, a cute nose, and enormous blue eyes.

Elizabeth took to her straight away. Her voice sounded like music with her lilting Irish accent.

Welcoming Merrill to the apothecary, she sat her down upon a chair in the laboratory, and began asking her an assortment of questions.

Elizabeth found her responses extremely eager, and she seemed an excitable young girl, who was willing to work hard. She answered each question with mounting enthusiasm. Elizabeth did not think she was of high intelligence, but that was not required for this particular role. Elizabeth explained that the job would cover serving customers, cleaning, stocking, and the use of simple math. Merrill seemed a little bit nervous about the math, but did not raise any objections.

‘The work day starts at the eighth hour,’ Elizabeth told Merrill at the end of the interview, ‘so, make sure you are here on time. I do not care for tardiness.’ Elizabeth gave herself a private smile for she had reminded herself of the Professor.

‘Does that mean you want to hire me?’ Merrill asked astounded.

‘Of course.’ Elizabeth said, ‘I shall pay you on Saturday evenings. Sunday’s you can take off.’

‘Oh thank you sir!’ Merrill said excitedly, almost leaping from her chair, ‘I am so pleased! I promise I shall not let you down.’

Elizabeth laughed, but caught herself quickly, for it had been very feminine. Straightening her face, she said, ‘Now. You will start on the morrow.’

After the interview Elizabeth went home and changed into her regular, female self. She would visit her mother that day and tell her the good news that the apothecary was improving.

However, when Elizabeth arrived at her old home, she discovered that her mother was not at home. This was not unusual as her mother had many friends. Elizabeth had never gone out much while she was growing up. She had never been able to hold onto friends. Even today, she would not be able to name a single friend that would visit her upon whim. The only friend she had had was Professor de Bard, yet not many people would count their employer as a friend.

Elizabeth was quite looking forward to working with Merrill. Mayhap this would be a chance at a new friendship. Elizabeth had decided not to reveal her gender to her new employee, in fear that it would cause complications.

After one day of working with Merrill, Elizabeth found that she was exceedingly clumsy, and naïve about the world. She was very polite towards customers, but became nervous very quickly. However, Elizabeth liked her very much.

One afternoon when Merrill had been working at the apothecary for only a week, she was helping Elizabeth close up shop, and gabbing away about all the things she had done by herself that day.

‘-And he asked for half a pound, Sir, and I remembered exactly where it was, first time. He paid, and I gave him the right change and everything. He even tipped his hat at me, and winked. But I think he was a bit old for me, Sir.’ She had said with raised eyebrows as thought this was very inappropriate.

Elizabeth smiled, ‘He was pleased with your service, Merrill. It was his way of saying thankyou.’

‘I suppose I am not very good at recognising facial expressions.’

‘Do you not have a sweetheart?’

‘No, Sir.’ Merrill went scarlet, ‘I should think not.’

‘Why not?’

‘Well, I guess … no one has … I am-’ She paused, ‘I am a bit too strange, I guess.’

‘I think you are perfectly normal.’ Elizabeth insisted. Merrill was amazingly normal compared to Elizabeth. What woman pretended to be a man? Even Elizabeth had never heard of such nonsense.

‘Thank you, sir. You are the first to say that though. My father is always telling me how queer I am.’ She laughed nervously, and began wiping the counters.

‘Why would he say that?’ Elizabeth frowned, looking up from her paperwork.

‘Oh,’ Merrill crinkled her nose, ‘Nothing to worry about, Sir.’

‘I hope your first week was all right, Merrill.’ Elizabeth said as she walked to the window and drew the curtains.

‘Oh, yes Sir.’ Merrill beamed, looking up.

‘I have your pay here for you.’ Elizabeth said, reaching into her pockets and handing over the coins.

‘Thank you, Sir.’ She looked at the amount of coin that Elizabeth had presented her, and she frowned.

‘What is wrong?’ Elizabeth asked.

‘Sir, I think you made a mistake. This is too much for one week.’

Elizabeth re-counted the coins, and shook her head, ‘No. That is right.’ She said handing it back to Merrill.

Merrill’s eyes widened, ‘But … This is … Thank you.’

Elizabeth smiled warmly, ‘Go home. I will finish cleaning up.’

Merrill bade farewell to Elizabeth and slipped out of the apothecary into the night. Elizabeth stared after her.

~

Once back at home, Elizabeth sat in front of the mirror and removed her wig. Her hair fell to her shoulders and sat lank. She rubbed off the facial hair that she had glued on, and began to undress. It was an immense relief to take off the bindings that strapped her chest flat. They left marks across her bosom because they were so tight, and made her breasts tender. She rubbed them, wincing as she did so. She hoped the binding of her breasts would not do any permanent damage.

Elizabeth took off her breeches, removed the socks she had packed into her underwear, and stood naked in her room. She stared at herself for a long while, turning this way and than as to observe herself. Finally, exhausted from a long days work, she collapsed onto the bed and fell asleep within minutes.

Elizabeth woke an hour later to someone banging on the front door. With a start, she sat up and stared around confusedly. The banging continued. Who could it be at this hour?

Elizabeth quickly put a robe over her naked body and raced down the flight of stairs.

Bang, bang, bang.

Elizabeth became wary. She inched towards the door and picked up an umbrella that leaned against the wall in case she needed to protect herself. She opened the door a fraction and peered out. She was shocked to see Merrill on her doorstep, and opened the door completely without thinking.

‘Uh … Hello Miss. Oh dear, I have not got the wrong house, have I? I was looking for Mister Searson? Are you his wife?’

Elizabeth blanched, ‘oh, no. I – I am Elizabeth, h-his sister. Half-sister.’

‘Oh yes, I see the resemblance.’ She said, looking around nervously, ‘Is Mister Searson home? I am sorry about calling so late, Miss, really. I just needed to speak to him, is all.’

‘He is not home. M-Merrill Freegard is it?’

‘Yes Miss.’ Merrill gave a small curtsey, ‘Do you know where I can find him?’

Elizabeth’s heart raced. Why on earth did Merrill want to see Elias in the middle of the night? Was something the matter? She could not reveal to Merrill that she was Elias for fear that Merrill might let slip the true nature of who was running the apothecary.

‘No … I … I think he had an appointment to keep in the town over. He shall not be back until Monday morning. He often leaves on the weekend.’ Elizabeth invented hurriedly.

‘Oh dear.’ Merrill wrung her hands together nervously.

‘Can I help you with anything?’ Elizabeth asked.

Merrill seemed distressed. She kept looking over her shoulder nervously, as though she expected someone to attack her at any moment.

‘May I come in Miss?’ She asked in a hurried whisper.

Elizabeth narrowed her eyes upon Merrill’s face. She was frightened. It was not in Elizabeth’s nature to leave a young girl, terrified, standing on her doorstep.

‘Of course.’ Elizabeth decided, opening the door to its full extent and allowing Merrill past her.

Luckily for Elizabeth she had not left any of her disguise lying around the house. Merrill entered the sitting room and looked around nervously. She peeked out of the curtains and looked up and down the street.

‘Is something the matter?’ Elizabeth asked, following Merrill in.

‘It is nothing, really.’ Merrill said, her eyes as round as dinner plates.

‘You seem distressed.’ Elizabeth said with a frown. She indicated to Merrill that she should take a seat, which she did, but her posture was still straight-backed and alert as she perched herself upon the edge of the sofa.

Elizabeth tightened the robe around her and stood nervously in the middle of the room.

‘Um,’ she bit her lip, ‘So … it is nice to meet you.’ Elizabeth said, ‘Elias has talked about you.’

‘He is very kind.’ Merrill said modestly, ‘A very good man. I am very lucky to have been chosen for the position.’

‘I am sure you were the best candidate.’ Elizabeth insisted, fidgeting nervously on the spot.

Merrill seemed on the verge of replying, but stopped when voices could be heard outside. Two men were walking down the street, illuminated through the curtains by the streetlamps. They were talking in agitated voices, and Merrill shrunk back into the sofa at the sound of them. Elizabeth caught a few snippets of what they were saying as they passed, talking loudly.

‘-Cannot have gone far.’ One of them was saying.

‘Complete overreaction if you ask me.’

‘I thought she would be glad.’

They passed the house and continued wandering up the street, and their voices died away.

Elizabeth stared at Merrill, who had a look of shame upon her pretty face.

‘Are they looking for you?’ Elizabeth asked.

Merrill fidgeted, ‘My Pa.’ She said finally.

‘What did he do?’ Elizabeth asked.

Merrill waved a hand dismissively, ‘Oh, Miss, he is a good father, and would never lay a hand upon me.’ She assured.

‘Then what?’ Elizabeth said.

Merrill looked at the clock upon the mantelpiece and stood abruptly, ‘It is late.’ She said apologetically, ‘I must go.’

She peered out of the curtains one last time, before hurrying to the front door.

‘Miss Freegard.’ Elizabeth said, rather agitated, ‘You can tell me what is wrong.’

‘Sorry Miss, we only just met.’ And without another word, Merrill had slipped through the door, and run in the opposite direction to her father.

Elizabeth stared at the closed door. She had a funny feeling that Merrill would have disclosed her worries if Elias had been there.