Every Love

“What did you do now?”


I exhale, pulling up to my house. I’d contemplated going to hers, but I’ll give it a little time before I do that. “I lied to Elania.”

“Again, you dumb fuck?” he shouts.

“Uh-huh.”

“What about now?”

“Andrea, that chick I was seeing a while ago. Her ex flipped out and…he beat the fuck out of her. I tried to help her, but didn’t tell El and she caught me.” I get out of the car and head into my house.

“Nate, what’s your deal with lying, man?” I go to answer him, but something else stops me dead in my tracks.

“Hands up, motherfucker, and drop the phone,” a short, stocky shadow says from behind me.

I stop, thinking about all of my options. I pretend to hang up, and set my phone face down on the floor. Standing back up with my hands in the air, I look straight ahead. All I can hope is that Nash, even as dumb as he is, will catch on and send help.

My mind switches to wondering who this guy is and why he’s here. I think about my safe and how much money I have in it. Dammit, I don’t think there’s shit for cash in it right now.

“Good. Now where is she?”

“Who?” I ask, skipping from money to his question. Then all at once – it clicks. This is Andrea’s crazy ass boyfriend. At first I contemplate playing dumb, but he’s in my home, with a gun, and he’s not leaving ’til he has answers.

“She’s gone, bro.”

“I’m not buying it.”

“Well, it’s the truth.”

“Tell me where the fuck she is,” he yells walking around me to face me.

His face is all jacked up, he’s clearly been using again. “I dropped her off at the airport.”

He looks me up and down, “Really? Where is she headed?”

I size him up. I could totally take him, even if he shoots me. I don’t think it would be any worse than the roadside bomb that almost blew me to shreds.

“Why don’t you put the gun down and fight me like a man, then I’ll tell you.”

“Nah, I’d rather watch you suffer.” And he shoots at me. My ears ring from the blast of the gun shot. But I’m not hit. He’s apparently a lousy shot, lucky for me. So I act quickly, taking a chance and lunge at him. Heat radiates down my arm, shocking me.

My ears ring again, and this time, he really got me. Falling to my knees, my hand flies to my shoulder and I heave for air, the shot pulling the air from my lungs.

“Look at me,” he orders.

On hearing those words, I’m with my fucking captors again. “Look at me,” he screams. I pull my eyes from the floor to meet his, struggling not to shut down completely, but there’s a buzzing growing in my head threatening to black me out. His red eyes are glazed over; he’s completely spun out of his mind.

He steps closer to me, never breaking eye contact.

“Now tell me, where the fuck is she?”

“Fuck you!” I yell at him and look away. My life flashes before my eyes and I wonder after all that I have been through, if this is how I will die. After surviving for almost a year half-dead and alone in Afghanistan to conquering it all and coming back. Is this how it will all end?

Fighting to stay upright, I keep pressure on my arm. Thinking about how I can still take him down. Then he presses the cold metal of the barrel against my forehead and I shut my eyes. Fuck, I’m helpless. The pain and fear are debilitating. But I pull Elania into my mind’s eye, letting her fill every ounce of me. If this is my time to go, then I want to go with my thoughts consumed with her, not looking into the eyes of some sick freak.

The report of the gun again blasts through the room and I prepare to take my last breath.

You know that sensation when something hurts so bad that it’s not pain at all? This is that feeling. Instead of pain, my body is covered with a heavy weight and my breathing slowly fades. I guess before you really die this is what happens. But before I let go, I hold on to Elania’s sweet face. Her plump lips, light eyes, and…

“Dammit, Nate, wake up!” I recognize the voice, but don’t understand how I’m hearing it. I will my eyes to open and see Nash above me. He is covered in blood and looks completely distraught.

“Nash?” I ask, so confused.

“It’s me, man. You’re gonna be okay. Jess, grab some more towels,” he screams at her with tears in his eyes.

Then an enormous pressure takes over and I yell out in pain.

“I know, man, I’m sorry. Just hang in there.”

I reach for my face, wondering how I’ve survived. Everything feels normal. It’s…so strange, then another wave of pain takes over, but this time I can’t hold on, losing my grasp…I fade away…





“Just come home, El,” my mom pleads into the phone.

“I want to, trust me, but I can’t just pick up and leave.”

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