I shake my head not believing my eyes, tears form watching him get out of his car and walk to the trunk where he removes…her bags.
I second guess everything for a minute. There is no way it’s Nate. But I know deep down, it is. It’s his car, his license plate, his walk…everything. Dammit, it’s him. My eyes move back to the girl, trying to figure out who it is. Then it hits me as my mind clicks back to the night when Andrea called him and her picture came up on his phone. I choke back a scream when I realize he’s with her. He hugs her again and my worst fucking nightmare plays out in front of me. She leans in to kiss him.
Oh my fucking God. I consider confronting him but decide against it. Before I collapse and let another man do to me what Alex did, I bail. The walls spring back up around my heart and put it on lockdown. Nate doesn’t deserve me or the time of day after such betrayal. Looking back at them, he catches sight of me and freezes. His face turns white, like he’s looking at a ghost. My face is covered in disgust and I hope he can see it.
I scramble into a cab waiting at the arrivals area and hear Nate yelling for me as he runs for the cab. “To Scotch Plains,” I command the driver.
The cabbie pulls away, starting the meter. Not a word is spoken from him. Which for me right now is best. I’m lost in my head. I can’t look at Nate again. Thinking about everything sets me to heaving in a fit of tears. My biggest fear has just come true. Never in a million years did I imagine Nate would lie to me…again. Or turn to another woman over me the way that Alex did, but he’s done it.
My breathing is so short and I don’t know how to make anything better. My world is crumbling around me. Deep breaths, just calm down, I repeat in my head hoping that sheer force of will can keep me from collapsing ’til I am home.
I do my best to listen to myself, closing my eyes to regain some control, but all I see is Nate and that girl. What he was doing with her was normal, comfortable, like they do it all the time. I mean, he dropped her off the same way he dropped me off, just three days prior. He’s been cheating on me all along, is all that floods my mind.
I take a few deep breaths to keep trying to calm myself down, then my phone vibrates. I know it’s Nate. I can’t even bring myself to check it. He’s just going to give me some BS excuse and lie the way he apparently always does.
My phone vibrates again and I can tell he’s not going to make this easy, but there is no excuse for what he’s done. Plain and simple. I just have to stay strong and not give in to him. He texts again and I glance at the screen reading the string of messages.
El, please call me.
It’s not what you think.
I was just trying to help her, nothing happened.
I ignore him, now knowing that he’s a fucking liar. Baby, please! he texts as I stare at my phone. Fuck him. Goddamn Nate Wilcox. “Nothing happened” – is he serious? I saw it with my own eyes. I watched him drop some slut he used to bang off after kissing her good-bye and doing lord only knows what else with her. We’re fuckin’ done.
I’d expected that once I dropped Andrea off at the airport, a wave of relief would wash over me. Finally, she’d be gone and out of my life. With nothing ahead of me but my future with Elania. But everything went so, so wrong today. Now, here I am in the most fucked up spot there is, missing her more than I ever knew was possible.
This whole situation was going to be the last lie – ever. Going forward, I was going to be one hundred percent honest with her no matter what. I’d been scared of her reaction if I told her the truth, afraid she’d leave me…which makes me sound like a real *, but I can’t explain it, I think of telling her, and I’d do anything to avoid the panic that starts to rise.
Right now, for Elania, I’d face it though. I’m sick to my stomach, but honestly my stomach pain is no match compared to the mindfuck I’m in right now believing that it was the right thing to do? to protect her. There was no point to drag her down that road again. Clearly, a load of shit.
Thinking about her face when we made eye contact kills me. I cannot believe I ruined things.
I still haven’t heard back from Elania and it’s making me nervous. I need her to tell me that we’ll make it through this. We will – after some time – right? Needing some perspective on the situation, I decide to call Nash. I’m too ashamed to call my mom and I can’t call Amanda – she told me to be honest will El. Plus, he’s been through a lot with relationships, so I’m hoping he can help.
“Sexy?” he answers.
“No, ass wipe, it’s your partner.”
“Yeah, my sexy partner.”
“Does Jessica know that you talk to me like that?” I ask, irritated.
“Of course she does, she’s lying here right now.”
“Hi, Nate,” she yells in the background.
“Hey, Jess.” She giggles and I’m sure that the two of them are fucking around in bed. “I won’t keep ya, bro, but I need some advice. I fucked up.”