She shook her head a little. “It’s not that. It’s just—I wouldn’t really know. I’m not as…ummm…experienced as you.”
I couldn’t help but grimace as I thought about the high price I might have to pay for all of my experience. Brooklyn’s face swam up to me in my mind’s eye, and I tried to will it away. The last thing I wanted was for my time with Lindsay to be tainted by Brooklyn.
I stroked Lindsay’s hair. “I wish we could just lay here and be like this. Never go back out in the world again.”
“Just live here in the hotel forever?”
“Yeah. Doesn’t that sound nice?”
She slid her body a few inches upwards, so now her cheek was against my shoulder. “It does sound nice, actually.” Her eyes flicked upwards and met mine.
“Did it bother you—what I said—you know…” I couldn’t quite say it again.
She reached up and touched my cheek. “It didn’t bother me. It made me feel close to you.”
Her body felt so right against mine, like a puzzle piece had slipped into place—a puzzle piece I hadn’t even known was missing until now.
A wave of emotion suddenly crashed over me, something I’d never understood was possible—a wave of pure love for Lindsay, a girl that had come into my life in the strangest way. I never wanted her to leave. And I promised myself that I would never leave her, no matter what.
“I’ll never hurt you,” I said. “I really get what we have now. Maybe I didn’t totally understand it before, but I do now.”
“I know what you mean,” she said. “Before, I kept worrying about how different we were and how I might not fit into your world. But now I realize that stuff doesn’t matter. What matters is us. We have to take care of each other.”
“I want to take care of you, Lindsay, always.”
She hugged me tightly and I hugged her back. Her skin felt stuck to mine in the best way. I was almost starting to get turned on again, and I held back, knowing it wasn’t the right time. But it was difficult, because she was so sexy I couldn’t stand it.
We both fell silent for awhile, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. In fact, it was just about the most comfortable I’d ever felt in my entire life.
“You can always tell me anything,” she said, out of nowhere. “I hope you know that, Justin.”
I wasn’t sure why she’d said that, but suddenly it hit me like a fist in the stomach.
There was so much I hadn’t told her and now it felt just wrong that I’d kept so many things from her. I felt the first pangs of desperation and fear hit my gut. What would she do, what would she say when she realized that I’d been keeping so many secrets from her? Brooklyn telling me she might be pregnant, Jimbo’s murder, how dangerous Quarry was…all of it.
There was no way to tell her without risking everything we’d become, because hearing it all at once might force her to realize that we really were too different to be together. I was trouble, and she would know it.
If I told her that Brooklyn might be pregnant with my kid, that alone might be the end of everything between us.
But I knew with every ounce of my being that I couldn’t lie to Lindsay or not tell her these things anymore. She had to know everything. I would be totally honest from now on, and that meant not holding back.
“Are you okay?” she asked, looking up at me with those big eyes of hers.
I sighed, more deeply this time.
“Justin?” she said, her voice quivering slightly. She sensed it. Of course she did.
I took a deep breath. “There’s some stuff I need to tell you,” I said, finally.
I wasn’t sure how she would react. Would she still want to be with me after she knew the truth? I wasn’t sure. But it was a risk I had to take.
I took a deep breath. Suddenly, just as I was about to speak, my cell rang. For some reason, I knew I couldn’t just ignore it. I leaned over the side of the bed and picked it up.
“Who is it?” Lindsay asked.
I frowned. “My roommate, Wyatt. He never calls me.”
“Answer it, I don’t mind,” she said.
“Yeah.” But my heart was beating fast for some reason, and I had this flash of overwhelming blackness wash over me. Still, I answered the phone.
“Justin,” Wyatt said, his voice cracking. “Justin…”
“What is it? What’s wrong?”
“Gil. Gil’s dead, man. Gil’s fucking dead.” His voice broke completely and he started to sob.
And that’s when I screamed.
THE END OF BOOK 9 OF ADDICTED TO YOU
STAY TUNED FOR THE SEASON FINALE, COMING SOON.
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