Hard to Hold On

Chapter One

Natalie

The sun was just setting, yet the day still felt young. The breeze nipped at our skin that had grown completely thick with sweat from chasing one another back and forth along the shore of Miami Beach. It felt nice and removed the flushness that seemed sticky on my skin. No one was around. It was only us.

A pair of hands caught me by the waist from behind and I yelped, spinning around to face my one and only. My everything. My rock. The only guy who could run back and forth through my mind and, yet, I still loved him more and more each day.

The breeze picked up and Nolan looked over my shoulder to the rippling sea water. He then looked down at me, reeling me in closer, his lips hovering above mine. Slowly, I reached my hands up and hooked them around his neck. Sparks began to grow between us, our heaving chests sank against one another’s as we molded into one. I couldn’t figure out why he wasn’t saying anything to me. He was so quiet, which wasn’t normal from someone like Nolan Young.

Finally he smiled, and then twirled me around in his arms. He stepped into the water and placed my feet on the ground and I giggled, unsure of how to be as calm as he was. He was so simple, so beautiful.

“I don’t know where I’d be without you, Bunny,” Nolan whispered to me. The cool water brushed against my legs and Nolan lifted my chin, making me look into his eyes. He began to move in closer and I took a step forward but it was the wrong move. A dumb move. I ended up moving a little too eagerly and started to fall. Nolan caught my arm, but the fall continued for the both of us. I pulled him down with me and we landed in the shallow water.

I couldn’t help but laugh after gazing around. We were wet, and obviously it had been a turn on for him. His hand moved forward and crept beneath my damp shirt. His grey eyes that were once soft turned hard as he pulled me against him. Hooking my arms around his neck, I climbed on top of him and felt the zipper and button of his jeans rubbing against me. The water was still cool but we were beginning to warm up. My lips crushed his and I tasted the salt of the water on his lips. I cupped his face, and he held onto my waist, pulling me in tightly. Groaning, his tongue slid into my mouth and I reached my hand down to unbutton his jeans. From the sunset, his low grey eyes glimmered, studying me intently.

His pant were finally off and without even bothering to take an intermission, I slid on top of him and he grunted against my chin that was on his lips. He stood, cupping my ass as he marched for the sand. The wind had picked up but he didn’t stop. It seemed as if everything was spinning around us. The sunset had faded into night but Nolan was still going. The wind grew harsher, almost intimidating. It seemed as if a tornado was coming our way from being so strong. If I weren’t mistaken, chaos was trying to interrupt our perfect moment.

And then he just stopped. He stared down at me, his eyes confused. Hurt. Lost. He didn’t say a word as he pushed himself into a stand. I couldn’t help but stare at him. I watched his every move. The way he buttoned his jeans sullenly. The way he ran his hand through his hair continuously. Nolan looked down at me, his eyes clouded with worry.

“I have to go,” he murmured, eyes glistening. “She needs me. I have to go.”

I couldn’t speak—I wanted to so badly, but I couldn’t. Where did he have to go? Who needed him? I then noticed how I wanted to stand, but couldn’t. My body was frozen in place and the only thing that seemed to be moving was my eyes. He started to walk away from me, not looking back at all. I could hear myself crying his name but it was like he couldn’t even hear me. It was like I didn’t even exist—like somehow I had become invisible. Nolan’s walk turned into a sprint in the direction of the moon and I continued to watch until he was gone. Until he was completely out of sight and there was no remainder of his presence.

As soon as he was gone, I happened to inhale and scramble to my feet. I was left in the dark, alone. Terrified. Confused. I raced in the direction he had taken off in and searched for him everywhere, but I couldn’t find him, no matter how hard I’d looked.

I couldn’t figure out why he had walked away from me. It was a dream that had turned into a nightmare and it seemed to carry on and get worse, even after I had stopped searching for him.

I tossed and turned all night because the nightmare felt all too real. At the end of the nightmare I had finally found Nolan but we had ended up breaking it off. After four months, I didn’t want it to end but it did. I begged on my knees for him not to leave me. I couldn’t figure out what I had done but he kept blaming himself. I wanted to help as much as I could but he continued to walk away—he continued to carry on as if I didn’t even matter anymore. He kept blocking me out and avoiding me when all I wanted was to have him close.

All I wanted was my Nolan back.

****

Waking up in cold sweat, I run the back of my hand across my forehead as the thick slits of moonlight shine through my thin white curtains. I swallow the heavy lump in my throat as I stare ahead until I feel stable enough to swing my legs around and drop my feet on the floor.

The first thing I check is my phone. I know it’s around four in the morning and Nolan told me earlier he was at the hospital for his mother’s surgery. I shot him a few text messages a while ago but he hasn’t sent one back. I’m starting to worry about him and I’m hoping the surgery went well. Hopefully he’s just by his mother’s side, wanting no distractions. I can cope with that.

She was supposed to be done more than ten hours ago, though. He would have called me if everything were okay.

I’m hoping my nightmare doesn’t become my reality because losing Nolan is like losing everything. I don’t think I can deal with another heartbreak or even the depression again.

All I can do is hope for the best.