Nick swallowed. “I’d be completely dependent on you. For years. Until I get chartered and can practice.”
“Not necessarily,” Spencer said. “There’s nothing that says you can’t work or contribute. Just—”
“Just not whoring myself out.” The comment came out more sharply than Nick intended, and Spencer winced, dropping his gaze. Nick exhaled. “I’m sorry. I . . . I’m just not sure about this.”
“You said the job is making you miserable.”
“A lot of people’s jobs make them miserable.”
Their eyes met. Spencer didn’t have to say it.
A lot of people’s jobs don’t involve having sex with other people.
He stopped pacing, folding his arms loosely across his chest. “You’re probably right about that part. I can’t do that job anymore. Not like I used to, anyway.”
“And if you quit,” Spencer said softly, “what would you do?”
Nick shook his head. “I don’t know. I really don’t.”
“I’m offering you a chance to figure that out.”
“As long as I move in with you.”
Spencer jumped. “It’s not an ultimatum, Nick.”
“But what choice do I have?” Nick threw up his hands, not even sure why he was angry. “If I keep working there, it’s going to wear me down to nothing. If I quit, I can’t pay my living expenses, my tuition fees, my mortgage, and I have nowhere to go. Nowhere but . . .” He sighed, the anger deflating as quickly as it had started. “Nowhere but here.”
Spencer rose. He approached Nick slowly, and he could probably see every muscle in Nick’s torso tensing. If he didn’t see it, then he damn sure felt it when he put a gentle hand on Nick’s shoulder. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“I know.” Nick rubbed his forehead just to give himself a reason not to look at Spencer. “And honestly? Part of me would love to live with you. Because then I’d be close to you. All the time.”
Spencer’s fingers pressed in gently. “But . . .?”
Nick lowered his hand and made himself look up at Spencer. “But I don’t want to depend on you. I . . . there isn’t much worse for a Dom than being dependent on someone else. Completely powerless.”
“Powerless?” Spencer shook his head slowly. “No. You wouldn’t be.”
“Yes, I would.” Nick swallowed hard. “Some of the guys at the Garden would kill for a sugar daddy. Me? The idea of living in your house, spending your money, eating your food, it’s . . .” He shook his head again and lowered his gaze. “I know it sounds to you like you’re offering me a key. But to me, something like that feels more like a prison.”
Spencer winced. “People have shared responsibilities for, I don’t know, thousands of years. There are lots of people who make this kind of thing work—to have children or something.”
“Yeah, but then it’s necessary.” Nick raked a hand through his hair. “I can’t do it. I’m not going to sit here and wait for you to come home and then entertain you.”
Spencer recoiled. “It’s not like I’d be a client who’d expect you to . . .”
“If you’re paying my way, that’s exactly what it would feel like. Shit, I almost ended up in something like that before. Though I can’t say I was quite so . . . fucking involved.” Nick rubbed his face. “Guy offering me room and board for free. He was submissive, so it all worked for me, but then he started making demands, tried to set the rules. Used his power. I was out of there like a bat out of hell.” He met Spencer’s eyes. “I don’t want this to go the same way.”
“Yeah, but we have a good relationship. A good start, anyway. Something real that will likely do well if we give it more space and time and invest in it.” Spencer reached for Nick’s arm and squeezed gently before drawing his hand back. “I want you to be happy, not torn up like this. I want a partner, not a sex slave. And certainly not you in that role. I don’t think I’d do well making any demands on you.”
True. It seemed very much against Spencer’s character. But you only really got to know somebody when you lived with them for a while. Nick had learned the hard way in the past that living under the same roof could reveal even the most easy-going guy’s control freak side. But Spencer wouldn’t be like that, would he? He’d never be the type to try to control things. Control Nick. That just wasn’t him.
But taking that step was still an unsettling prospect for Nick. Right now, he could still walk away. Go part-time as a student, work a few jobs, hell, do the studying on the weekend or a couple evenings a week. Eventually, he’d get there.
“Your flat,” Spencer said. “You’re buying it, aren’t you?”
Nick nodded. “Yeah. Why?”
“You could rent it out. Then if things don’t work out here, with me, you’d still have that.” He held Nick’s gaze. “I don’t want you to be trapped here, Nick. This isn’t for my benefit.”
Nick allowed himself a small grin. “So you’d be getting nothing out of it.”
Spencer hesitated, eyeing Nick cautiously, but then he chuckled. “Well, I never said that. And . . .” He hesitated again, this time breaking eye contact.