The Saddest Song

Chapter 10

Rainey

My parents were so excited to hear that I was going out that when they asked what time I would be home and I replied that I had no idea, they simply said to stay out as long as I like. I texted Caitlyn to tell her to have a great time at Homecoming and then pulled open my closet to decide what to wear to the concert. It may not have been a date but I thought I should put some effort into my appearance. I didn’t want to embarrass Max in front of his friends. The venue was in Pacific beach, a really laid back area so I knew it would be casual. Pushing a variety of clothing aside I finally settled on a new pair of skinny jeans, heels and an olive colored blouse that Cait had chosen for me.

The doorbell rang and I headed down the stairs as my dad greeted Max. Mom glanced up at me and said, “You look so pretty!” as if I had never looked this way before.

I smiled and said, “Thanks mom.” I was wearing makeup which I had pretty much forsaken during the past two months. I never realized how different it made me look until I put it on today. I had to admit that I had actually liked my reflection in the mirror. I looked a lot less pale and the skinny jeans and high heels were flattering to my underweight body. I was shocked to see Max’s eyes widen in surprise too, and I wondered suddenly how horrible I looked on a daily basis. Time to add makeup back into my daily routine.

“Hey,” Max said. I saw my Dad do a double take and smiled. Dad was only a scant half inch taller than my five foot eight and now he had to reach up to kiss my cheek.

“Max, watch out for our super model tonight,” my dad said. I felt myself blush and hurried Max out the door.

Max opened the truck door for me and I was relieved when we were on our way. I noticed that the shirt he was wearing was new, and his hair was shorter, yet still long enough to hang over his collar.

“You cut your hair!”

“I had to, my mom was driving me crazy about it. I kind of thought it was a good sign that she noticed how long it was getting.”

“She seems a tiny bit better to me too. I mean, she obviously went shopping. You are wearing a new shirt.”

“She went to the mall this morning and I was apparently the reason why. There are several more where this came from,” he smiled over at me.

“Well, you’re lucky she has good taste. I love that plaid.” It was grey and turquoise and I didn’t say it, but it made his eyes look amazing.

“Thanks supermodel,” he laughed.

“Shut up. Very funny,” I said, but smiled.

We had dinner at a tiny hole in the wall that served a million types of burgers. We both ordered the basic cheeseburger and fries and then walked a couple blocks over to the venue. It was still a half hour until the concert started and I was surprised to see quite a line wrapped around the building. The headliner was Mark Kerrey, a new singer song writer who had a pretty good following. Max had given me a few of his songs to put on my iPod over the summer. I loved them and was excited to see him live.

When we got to the front of the line Max gave his name and showed the guy his ID. He pointed to an unmarked door off to the side and told us we could go in there. The door opened on to a long hallway that ended in a small room covered in concert posters and graffiti. I had never been backstage before and I was busy taking it all in when a cute brown haired guy called out Max’s name and came over to us pulling a short pretty blonde girl by the hand. Letting go of her he hugged Max.

“Hey Max, I’m so glad you could be here!”

“Yeah, I wouldn’t have missed it! Colin, this is Rainey.” Colin put his hand out to shake mine and I saw his arm was completely covered in colorful tattoos.

“Nice to meet you Rainey. This is my girlfriend, Rylee.” He introduced the pretty blonde and she shook our hands, speaking in a fast friendly voice.

“Hi! It’s nice to meet you. Colin always talks about how talented you are Max. I’d love to hear you play sometime.”

“Sure, anytime,” Max smiled.

“And this is your girlfriend?” Rylee asked.

“No, we’re friends,” I answered quickly, hoping the whole Garrett subject wouldn’t come up.

“Oh, gotcha. Are you in college?

“No, we’re both seniors in High School.”

“Wow, you look older. Colin just graduated from college in May, and I’m a junior.” I thought to myself that she looked younger than I did but I didn’t say it. I nodded my head and watched as her attention went to the hallway and she greeted a couple who entered. “Hi Sophie! Hi Ethan! This is Max and Rainey.” It felt strange to hear myself introduced with Max. Max and Rainey, instead of Garrett and Rainey. It had always been Garrett and Rainey. Maybe Garrett and Rainey and Max, but never just the two of us.

The couple said hello, smiling. The girl was very pretty with long dark hair and the guy was blonde and startlingly good looking. The two of them had their arms around each other, and I felt that familiar ache I was so accustomed to. When the guys excused themselves to talk music I was left with Rylee and Sophie. Max had looked at me as if to ask if it was okay, and I quickly waved him away. They seemed perfectly friendly, and I warmed up to them as we stood there talking.

“Rainey, how do you know Colin?” Sophie asked.

“Her friend Max writes songs with him,” said Rylee, before I could open my mouth to answer. “They’re both seniors in high school,” she added.

Sophie nodded, and apologized for her friend. “ I’m sorry Rainey, she will know your life story before the end of the night.”

I smiled, and Rylee jumped in with more and more questions. After I had answered several I asked one of my own.

“How long have you guys been dating Colin and Ethan?”

“We all started dating two years ago,” Rylee said.

“But it feels so much longer,” Sophie smiled. “How long have you been friends with Max?”

I was taken aback by her question. How did I reply to that one? I decided to be honest, since Rylee would no doubt get the whole sad story one way or another with her persistent but good hearted questions.

“I have known Max since eighth grade. His brother and I dated until this summer when he was killed in a car accident.” I said it matter of factly, and I was proud that I didn’t start to cry.

There was silence for a moment while both of the girls processed this information, their eyes widening in horror. Rylee was the first to recover.

“Oh Rainey, I am so sorry! I didn’t know. I knew Max’s brother died and I promised not to mention it tonight. I had no idea that you were his girlfriend.”

Sophie reached for my hand and then pulled me into a hug. “Rainey, I am so sorry. It must be so hard for you.” When she pulled away her eyes were full of unshed tears and Rylee wiped her own eyes. I blinked mine several times, praying that my eyes would stay dry.

“It is hard, it’s a nightmare, but Max and I are trying to live without him. It’s what Garrett would want us to do. Max is the only thing that keeps me from lying down and never getting back up.”

Both Rylee and Sophie were so nice, and they quickly changed the subject to something less painful. I really liked them both and was glad that Max had brought me. A few minutes later someone shouted out for us to take our seats and Max reappeared by my side and led me out to the tables in front of the stage with reserved signs on them. We all sat down and I looked behind me at the large crowd that had gathered for the concert. The lights dimmed and without any fanfare Colin came on stage with his guitar and sat down on a stool in front of a microphone.

The audience clapped politely as he introduced himself and began to sing his first song. His voice was deep and rich and took me by surprise. Apparently the rest of the audience was pleasantly surprised by his talent too, because soon their applause was enthusiastic and genuine. Max whispered in my ear when he sang the song that he had helped write, and I clapped extra hard, feeling pride in Max’s work.

When Colin announced the last song of his set he stopped and looked down at the table where Sophie and Ethan were sitting.

“This last song is a very special one. The lyrics were written by my best friend Ethan here,” he pointed to him. “He wrote this for his girlfriend, Sophie.” Sophie looked at Ethan, surprise on her face. Rylee looked back and forth between Colin and Ethan her mouth open in shock that she did not know this was happening. “This is called, Beyond Forever.”

The guitar started soft and sweet. Instead of listening to the lyrics I was watching how Ethan never took his eyes away from Sophie’s. As the song went on he watched her face as she reacted to the words with such pure joy it almost hurt to watch. I felt like I was witnessing an intimate moment. I tried to listen and managed to pay attention to the last words of the song .

“…So make my dreams come true and love me beyond forever”

Then, as the song ended, Ethan dropped down to one knee in front of Sophie. He reached into his pocket and held out something shiny, asking, “Sophie, I love you beyond Forever, will you marry me?”

Tears poured down her cheeks and she smiled and nodded as cheers rose up all around us. I watched as he placed the ring on her finger, then standing, pulled her up into his arms and kissed her.

I felt the familiar sting of tears in my eyes and marveled that for once I was actually crying for a happy reason. I looked over at Max and he smiled, and Rylee threw her arms around the happy couple, literally jumping up and down in her happiness.

When headliner Mark Kerrey took the stage, the atmosphere was festive and he congratulated the newly engaged pair before beginning his set. I loved Mark’s songs and while I listened I couldn’t help sneaking glances at Sophie and Ethan. They were so cute it hurt to watch. His arm was around her and they both kept looking at the ring and kissing. Their happiness was plain on their faces and I envied them their happily ever after.

The concert ended and we waited back stage while Colin joined Mark in signing autographs and taking pictures. You would have thought it was Rylee that had become engaged, her excitement bubbled over. Sophie showed me her ring and I told her I thought it was the prettiest one I had ever seen. It was a large heart shaped diamond with tiny diamonds surrounding it. It was set in Platinum and Sophie said it was an antique. It was obvious she loved it, and I smiled at the way Ethan never took his eyes off of her.

I felt suddenly conscious of the promise ring that I still had not removed. The promise had not been broken, it had been stolen from us by a twist of fate. Wearing it now, I realized was just sad and pathetic. Garrett would have been the first one to tell me it was time to take it off, move on with my life. Actually he had told me to take it off that day at the psychic medium’s house. I looked down at my hand and the sparkle of the tiny diamond on the thin golden band, and I felt Max watching me. I dropped my hand and smiled, reassuring him I was not heading for that dark, cold place. Not now anyway. I was enjoying myself and Max hadn’t smiled this much since the accident. I would not ruin this evening for either of us.

Once the fans had cleared the venue, Ethan announced that we were all going to Colin’s house to celebrate his and Sophie’s engagement. Max and I both texted our parents to let them know where we would be and told everyone we would meet them there.

As we headed for the truck, Max placed his hand lightly against the small of my back, guiding me in a protective gesture.

“Well, what did you think?”

“I loved it! Colin and Mark are so talented, and the engagement was so sweet. That was the most romantic thing I have ever seen.”

“Yeah, that was pretty cool. They’re all awesome people.”

“And they are as nice as they are gorgeous! I am so glad I got to meet everyone. Thanks for bringing me tonight Max.”

He stopped as we reached the truck.

“There’s nobody I’d rather be with than you, Rainey,” he said simply, and opened the door for me.

Colin lived in an older house in Pacific Beach. I had been to many of my friend’s homes over the years, but this was my first time being at one who didn’t live with their parents. We entered the house through the garage door and found ourselves in the kitchen. A large ice filled tub held bottles of Champagne and Colin began taking trays of food out of the otherwise empty fridge.

“Wow! Colin, how did you do all of this without me?” Rylee exclaimed, as she examined the trays of Sushi and tiny sandwiches.

“You even got a cake?” Sophie laughed, surprised at the sight of a beautifully decorated white cake. It was covered in buttercream roses and had their names on the top. It looked like the top layer of a real wedding cake.

Ethan came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist, resting his chin on her shoulder. “I got it at that bakery you love so much.”

She spun around, putting her arms around his neck and smiled up at him, kissing him on the lips. “You are going to make the most thoughtful husband,” she giggled and I felt a little uncomfortable being witness to such a private moment. I squirmed and Max must have felt the same way because he pulled me by the hand into the other room.

“Come with me Rainey, I want to show you something,” he said. I looked around at what was obviously the family room. It held a large couch and every video game system available. There was a flat screen television on the wall and a couple guitars on the floor. I looked at Max, curious as to what he wanted to show me. Was he just trying to get me away from the newly engaged couple? Did I look that uncomfortable? I certainly hoped not. I didn’t want to be one of those people who couldn’t be happy for others just because my own life was a nightmare.

“Not this ,” he said. He tugged me towards another room at the front of the house which had parents lived here certainly would have been the living room. Instead it looked like a music room. Instruments covered the floor. Drums, keyboard, both acoustic and electric guitars and recording equipment.

“Cool,” I said, not too terribly impressed. It was a lot like Max’s room, only bigger.

“No, not these. Turn around.” Turning around I saw that the entire wall from ceiling to floor was filled with drawings, signatures, cartoons, and quotes all done in different colors. Baskets sat on the floor filled with markers, crayons and sharpees.

“This is crazy! How fun!”

“Yeah,” Max smiled, “I knew you would like it. Pretty creative, huh?”

“Wow, I wonder how he thought of this? Did you sign it?”

“Yeah, everyone who comes over here has signed it. Go ahead and find a spot, you need to sign it.” I looked it over. It was so full it was hard to find an empty space, and I had just spotted one when Rylee came bouncing into the room.

“Come on you two. We need to toast the happy couple!.”

She headed back to the kitchen and we followed. Joining the toast , Max and I clinked their champagne glasses with our water bottles. Neither Max nor I were drinkers, and while I had certainly tried Champagne before with my parents, I felt uncomfortable drinking when Max had to drive later. Suddenly I felt the age difference between me and my new friends. I felt it, but happily I don’t think they did. Technically, I wasn’t sure if the girls were quite old enough to drink either, legally.

When Max and I said we had better be heading home, Sophie and Rylee made me promise that we would go out for a girl’s day soon. We could go shopping while the guys wrote songs. We exchanged numbers and I left feeling as if I had made some really great new friends. Friends who knew just me, not the me who was Garrett’s girlfriend.





Max

As soon as we started to drive away from Colin’s house Rainey began talking with so much animation in her voice that I almost thought I was taking the wrong girl home.

“Whoa! You really had a good time tonight, huh?”

She giggled, “Yes, I did. I loved all of them and it was so nice to be myself. Just me. Rainey. Not Rainey with the dead boyfriend. Did you like everyone?”

“Yeah, I did. I always thought Colin was a cool guy and I really liked Rylee and Sophie. I had met Ethan once before and I liked him too. Would you want to hang out with them again?”

“Yes! I hope they really do call. Rylee said she would.”

“I’m sure she will. Colin was already talking about next weekend and us playing at his house.”

We talked about the evening and before I knew it we were in Rainey’s driveway. I started to get out to walk her to the door but she put her hand on my arm and smiled, “Stay here. I’m good. Thanks for a great time.” She hopped out and ran to the porch, turning to wave as she went inside.

My parents were both asleep on the couch when I walked in. I turned off the TV and woke them gently. They were happy I had made it home in one piece and we all headed to bed.

Sleep came quickly for a change and I found myself in the strangest dream. I knew it was a dream but it was so detailed and so real. I was sitting on my futon couch playing my guitar. I was thinking that I hoped my playing wouldn’t wake up my parents when Garrett appeared in the doorway between our rooms. He stood there like he had a million times before, but this time I calmly recalled he was dead. Dead, but looking completely alive and relaxed in his favorite grey football t shirt and basketball shorts, his usual bedtime attire.

“Hey Maxwell. Really like the new song.”

“Thanks, but shouldn’t you be in heaven or something?”

He laughed, his hearty laugh and I felt an ache deep in my chest. I missed that laugh so much.

“Yeah, probably but I wanted to see you. Actually I see you a lot, but I wanted you to see me too. It sucks being invisible.”

“This whole thing would have been better if it had been me. Rainey has been having such a tough time.”

“She will be fine. She loves you too, ya know.”

“What does that mean? You aren’t jealous I am hanging out with her are you? We help each other survive you.”

“Not at all, quite the opposite. She needs you and you need her. It will all work out okay. You’ll see.”

“How can it without you here?”

“My time is up and it’s all good. I am where I am supposed to be. Your life bro, it is going to be great. I could tell you things but it’s always better to be surprised. Don’t give up on Rainey. Promise me.”

“Never, Garrett. She is all I have of you.”

“She is more than that, don’t kid yourself.” He walked further into my room and leaned down to hug me. He felt as solid and alive as he looked.

“Love you bro. Never forget it.”

And then he just vanished. I sat up, darkness surrounding me. The dark was never far away.