I wake in the morning and slowly slide my leg across the bed to Jason's side, it’s still warm, but he’s already up. I turn over, and look at the clock: 5:30am ....Seriously, 5 fucking 30? Aarrrghh! Jay has always been an early riser; weekdays, weekends, work or no work, he is always up and awake early. I on the other hand am the complete opposite and could spend the whole day in bed if given the chance.
I lay and recall some of the many, petty arguments it has caused over the years, days out that needed an early start, early morning flights or appointments…. I have always hung on until the very last second till getting up out of bed. I smile to myself, thinking of some of our holidays and trips we have shared. The things we have seen and done, as a couple and together with the boys, as a family, this is just so hard. It has been so good for so long. He's been my best friend, which makes all of this so much harder to bear, I feel so betrayed that he has chosen to treat me this way. An affair would have been less painful....At least I THINK it would. It's not something I've ever had to confront; fidelity has never been an issue. Well not on my part anyway and I'm pretty sure Jay has been faithful!
Over the years, many of our friends have divorced, separated, had affairs but we have always been solid... On the outside at least. There had been a spell, after around 5 years together, that Jason had told me he was leaving me. He had sworn at the time that no one else was involved; he had just decided that he no longer wanted to be in a relationship with me. His career had been just taking off at the time and he was out more and more to lunch and dinner meetings and corporate events. I attended some with him but with two young children under four at the time, it wasn't always possible. I had felt alone and isolated. I had had my children young, the first of all of my friends to do so, while they were all out pursuing careers and spending their weekends clubbing and partying, I sat at home with the boys. It didn't help that a lot of Jay’s events would end up at one of the local clubs or pubs and he would come home and tell me about the friends of mine he had bumped into. Or worse still, he would tell me nothing and I would hear from someone else that he had been seen in a club talking to one of my so called “friends”.
For a while I wallowed and sat home feeling frumpy and out of the loop. Then out of the blue I landed a job in a small interiors shop. I had been at college studying interior design when I had fallen pregnant with Sonny at just twenty. I had continued and finished my course with just four weeks to go before the baby was due but I had never had a chance to put any of my newly acquired qualifications into practice as just six months after Sonny was born, I had fallen pregnant with Ryder. Despite the time that had elapsed since my college days, I had kept my hand in by reading home and lifestyle magazines constantly and of course watching every home makeover program on the TV. Back then, there were nowhere near as many as there are now but I had managed to keep up with trends and fashions and had made our own home look like something straight from a magazine. I had a knack, a way of always managing to pull together a stylish, expensive look on a very limited budget. On just Jason's wage, we had bought and renovated an old 1930's house on the outskirts of the city, in an area that was to see a boom in prices over the coming years.
I had been asked to help friends when they bought houses or when any one I knew was decorating, my advice was always sort. It had been something I had been able to do, whilst having the kids in tow and despite only charging a small fee compared to what an interior designer would charge, I had earned enough to buy the key pieces for our own home that had given it the WOW factor. I had also been savvy enough to have taken photos and to have kept fabric, paint and wallpaper swatches and samples and my mood boards from all of the jobs I had done for others and from our own home, pulling together a pretty good portfolio of my work.