I can barely breathe, how could he do this to us, I knew I would never be enough for him and this just proves it, I want to vomit, I want to curl up in a ball and I want to punch his fucking head in.
“Nah, nah Lauren he didn't, it was her not him. The barman told us what happened, he was fighting her off, he just kept telling her about you and how much he loves you but she wouldn't take no for an answer.” Zac defends his brother.
Gabe turns his head and looks at Coop and Zac saying, “They’re not good... They're not good brothers. They didn't save me, they didn't tell me. They should have told me about all this love stuff and they should have saved me from her from fuckin Jackie. Then you, you Lauren, wouldn't be angry with me all the time. I didn’t mean it, I didn’t want it. Why did she pick me? Why, why me?”
He sobs and I cry. What have I done?
“I would know I would, I would know how to love you. If those brothers had done their job. It’s their fault. It's all their fault.”
He blinks and tears roll down his cheeks. It kills me to see him in so much pain. I wipe my hand over his mouth. Not wanting my lips to go where the blonde moll’s have been, and then I press my lips to his and wrap my arms around his neck and pull him into my chest and rock him backwards and forwards. The room is silent, aside from the sound of a few sobs and sniffs. I look up at Cooper who is crying badly. Sam has hold of Zac, his face buried in her neck, his shoulders shaking as he cries, still holding Gabe up all the while.
“What does he mean? What is he talking about? Why does he need saving from Jackie?” Stella's voice gets higher as she speaks.
“Let's get Gabe into bed,” Jenny suggests.
“No… No. Let’s all stop ignoring me and treating me like a fucking baby. What is he going on about Jackie for, what's gone on, Lauren, do you know? Because it seem that everyone else around here does, except for stupid Stella that is.”
“Stell, I'm gonna put Gabe to bed. Then I will be with you okay. Let me deal with him first, then we’ll talk.”
I turn my head and smile at her as best I can. What do I say? It’s really up to the boys and Gabe to decide what to tell her. It's certainly not my place. With tears still on their cheeks the boys follow me as they carry Gabe into the bedroom and lay him face down on the bed. Turning his head to the side, just in case he's sick. We all step back and look at him and then at each other.
“He's drunk, he didn't mean what he said, and he doesn't blame you. He loves you both, you know that right?” Is all I can think to say to them.
Gabe’s going to be so pissed off with himself when I tell him what he's said to his brothers tomorrow.
“But it's all true, what he said is all true. We fucked up. Our Mum died, we are his big brothers, and we should have looked after him better. Our step Mum fucked and abused him, right under our noses, in our home. Our Dad was being led around by his dick; we had Jen and Sam and just left him to deal with it all, and he did, by punishing every woman that he came into contact with. He fucked them, then he fucked them off and we laughed and encouraged him, he never let anyone get close to him, till you, and we haven't even prepared him for that. He's thirty five and apart from Ava and all of us, he's never been in love; he’s never allowed himself to be in love. He told me the other day that he had no idea how different making love was to just rooting someone, that’s so unlike Gabe, I should have taken him seriously, and all I did was throw a balled up piece of paper at him, laugh and call him a wanker. I should have known he wanted to talk about shit. I should have realised, this is all new to him, he doesn’t know how to handle all these feelings.” Cooper starts to cry again as he speaks and I put my arms around him.
“Please Coop don't, he's gonna be mortified when he sobers up and realises what he's said. You're his brothers, not his parents. You had no idea what Jackie was doing and as soon as you found out, you put a stop to it.”
“And what the fuck did Jackie do? Someone better tell me now, else I'm going to Dads and I will ask her outright to tell me.”
We all look up at Stella standing in the doorway leaning against the frame looking breathtakingly beautiful and as angry as fuck.
“Come in here and close the door,” Zac says to her.
I don't want to hear this. My heart just can't take any more pain. I look up at the boys as Stella comes in and sits on the bed. She kisses Gabe’s cheek and runs her fingers through his hair with a look of complete reverence for her big brother.
I kiss the top of her head, then Gabe’s cheek, then each of the boys.
“I can't be here for this, I'm gonna go get us all a drink. Please watch my baby. He's as precious to me as he is to all of you. Even if he is a complete dickhead sometimes.”
The girls are all sitting or standing around the kitchen bench. They are deep in conversation, until they see me and it suddenly goes quiet.
“Don't mind me. Keep talking, please.”
Jo passes me a glass of wine.