Will laughed too, lying back in the sand. This was the best day he’d had in as long as he could remember. And she was real, true. She looked weird but she was completely genuine. He’d thought earlier how much it would freak the others out to be introduced to her but thinking of it now, he was certain Alex at least would appreciate how amazing she was.
He wouldn’t tell them about her though, or about this day, certainly not about taking drugs. They’d look at him with even more thinly veiled unease if they thought he was spinning out of control on drugs, and they wouldn’t understand anyway, certainly not Rob or Natalie.
He sat up and looked at Lorna. She’d still been working on the sketch but stopped now, surprised by his sudden movement.
‘Thanks for looking after me.’
‘That’s okay.’
He wanted to say something else but didn’t know how. He wanted to tell her that she was the truest person he’d ever met and he struggled with it for a while, finally thinking of something that he could say to her to show her that he was also true.
‘Lorna, you know you mentioned that accident? The girl who was killed?’
She puzzled over his words and looked concerned then and said, ‘Don’t.’ Her voice was urgent. ‘Don’t tell me.’
‘I want to.’
She shook her head, troubled, saying eventually, ‘No. Just tell me if you were driving.’
‘No, I wasn’t.’
She smiled warmly and said, ‘Then that’s all I need to know.’ She put the sketch pad down. ‘You should be careful Will, particularly with people you’ve only just met.’
He nodded but he didn’t feel like he had just met her. Some people could be trusted. He was one of them - the others maybe didn’t think so, but he was. She was one of them too and he was glad she knew, glad that someone knew who would accept him for what he was, and not question him or wait for the cracks to show.
4
Matt bumped into Alex walking down the central spine. They nodded to each other and Matt said, ‘Where you heading?’
‘Psychology department. You?’
‘Library. You know how it is, that time in the term.’
‘Yeah, I’ve got a shitload to do.’ They were walking together towards the square now. ‘Jesus, it’s cold.’ Matt shrugged and Alex said, ‘What, you don’t think so?’
‘It’s not New York cold.’ He laughed, realizing how he’d sounded, and Alex laughed too. ‘You sleeping any better?’
Alex shook his head but appeared unconcerned as he said, ‘I don’t think I’ve slept properly at all this last week.’ He did look tired, but then the campus was full of tired-looking people at the moment, all trying to meet deadlines. And considering what lay behind his tiredness, Alex looked to be taking it all in his stride. ‘What about you, Matt?’
‘I’m the same, still wishing I’d done something afterwards.’
‘You can’t think like that. Don’t think like that.’ Alex looked at him, driving the message home. He sounded almost angry but softened and was more sympathetic as he said, ‘It’ll drive you insane if you think like that.’
‘You’re the psychologist,’ said Matt and got a smile. ‘I went for a drink with Rob last night. We were saying we didn’t think it had been so bad. You know, there haven’t been any police around the place. Most people seem to have forgotten it already.’
‘Yeah, I think we’ll be okay.’ They’d reached the top of the steps in the square and stopped for a second, both aware that this was where their paths separated. ‘How come you went for a drink and didn’t ask me?’
Matt laughed, amused at Alex sounding left out, and said, ‘We spoke to your better half; she said the two of you were watching a movie on TV.'
‘Bitch,’ said Alex, smiling too.
‘We tried to ask Will as well but couldn’t get hold of him.’
‘Work,’ said Alex by way of explanation. ‘He was probably in the library.’
‘Yeah, we figured. I might have a look for him in there now, just see how he is.’
‘Okay, I might come and grab you for a coffee after this tutorial.’
‘Sure. Later then.’
Alex headed straight down the steps and Matt cut diagonally across them, making for the library. He was left uneasy by the brief conversation with Alex, the first in days. They were all full of reassurances but there’d been a shift in the last week, as if they were all delicately trying to distance themselves from each other.
He’d mentioned going out for a drink with Rob but even that had been a cheerless couple of hours. The five of them had spent two and a half years living as a tight-knit clique, needing no one else, and now they couldn’t think of anything to say to each other.
He couldn’t help but think he was responsible for that too. If he’d stuck his ground and gone to the police they’d have had plenty to talk about, sympathy for his plight, vows to stick by him. In the light of this week though, he wasn’t certain how much those vows would have been worth anyway.