“Oh my god! No! Blair, what are you doing?” she gasped.
“Like I said, if anyone stares now, it will be at the two of us, not just you.”
Tears spilled down her cheeks as she rushed over to hug me.
“I love you, Blair.”
“I love you, too, now let me go. You’re crushing me, I can’t breathe,” I laughed. “Jolly, do your stuff.” I said, as Nurse Jolly plugged a shaver into the wall socket. It took less than five minutes before I looked like I was about to enlist in the army. My buzzed head felt bumpy and way colder than I expected it to.
“Okay, you next.” I motioned to Em and she traded places with me and sat down on the chair. “Let’s get you shaved, too. This way you don't have to get upset every time a piece falls out.”
“Our moms are going to freak!” she answered with wide eyes.
“Let them.” I laughed.
Our parents walked through the door just as Nurse Jolly swept up the last of the hair and dumped it into a trash bag to take out of the room. I looked to the door where Pam immediately burst into tears and rushed forward, kissing Emily on the forehead before scooping her up and holding her tight to her chest. Bill’s eyes glazed over as he slowly made his way across the room and enveloped both girls in a hug.
My mom walked gently towards me with a sad smile and squeezed my hand as she leaned forward and kissed me. “I’m so proud of you right now,” she whispered.
I’m snapped back to the present by the sound of a locker door being slammed shut and I can’t help but wonder what Em would think of me right now.
I DIDN'T GO to school yesterday; the only reason I'm here today is to meet Blair for our study session. Dad lost his shit as soon as I got home Wednesday. He’d summoned me into the garage when I pulled up; I knew how it was going to play out as soon as I stepped out my car. I could see the look in his eyes. The man is permanently angry. I’d barely spoken three words before he delivered the first blow to my stomach; it immediately knocked all the air from me and dropped me to my knees. He must have had a particularly shitty day because he proceeded to deliver blow after blow until I’d finally passed out.
I should fight back, I’ve thought about it a million times. When I was younger I was scared shitless of him, afraid if I tried to fight back he would just come at me harder. I figured if I didn’t retaliate, if I just stayed still and took it, that he would finish sooner. Like if he wasn't getting the fight that he wanted, he would quit. I’ve let him kick, punch and knock me around for so long now that I kind of feel like maybe I’m dead inside. Numb to the pain and shit he throws at me.
The older I get the more tired I am of walking on eggshells around him, tired of the beatings, just tired of my life. When he loses it and ends up in a blind rage, I shut down. I’ve prayed so many fucking times that this will be it, this will be the time he takes it too far. Throws one punch too many, kicks that little bit too hard, and just finishes me. At least then it would be over. My prayers go unanswered, though. Maybe it’s because I have no faith in a higher being anymore. I know that Dad prays for forgiveness after he’s calmed down. I’ve heard him a couple of times, maybe that’s his idea of redemption. I have a hard time letting myself believe in a god that would forgive him; maybe I have it wrong though. All I know is that if there is a god, I must have done something pretty terrible in a past life to deserve this.
I couldn't have gone to school yesterday if I’d tried. I’m still sore as hell and it hurt just to breathe, there’s no way I could’ve made it through practice without someone noticing that I couldn't even inhale properly without wincing. I need to be careful to not arouse suspicion. I’ve had too many near misses over the years with friends and even a teacher once asking how my home life was. I’m always on guard, making sure that I don’t act like I’m in pain. Dad would not take well to questions being asked, and sitting straight-backed at a piano and playing for three hours just wasn’t an option. He pushes and pushes for me to practice, to make sure that I get the scholarship to Eastman, and then beats me and puts me out of commission. I’m pretty sure the assholes bruised a rib again.