“She seems okay, a little quiet.” But they both knew that wasn’t unusual for Alex, who was an introverted child. She liked being with other children, but as an only child who spent a lot of time with her father, she was more accustomed to the company of adults. “But she always is when Carmen’s gone.”
Pattie guessed correctly that it had to be stressful for Alex, even though she didn’t say much about it. But Pattie and her husband had heard Carmen and Eric’s fights on warm nights when the windows were open. It wasn’t a happy atmosphere for a child. Pattie had never hit it off with Carmen, who had no interest in getting to know other mothers, organizing playdates, or inviting Alex’s friends to their house. She seemed more interested in herself than anyone else, including her daughter. And she didn’t look or act like anyone’s mother. Pattie was considerably older. Carmen was only thirty then but didn’t look it. She acted and dressed more like twenty, and was a pretty girl. Pattie couldn’t help thinking Carmen and Eric were an odd couple, and it was easy to see that he had been dazzled by her looks, married her in haste, and lived to regret it. Their eight-year marriage had been turbulent and troubled from the first, which was no secret in the neighborhood. And Elena gave Pattie an earful, whenever she was willing to listen, which she tried not to do often. She didn’t want to intrude, but she was happy to help with Alex whenever she could. She felt sorry for the little girl.
Eric and Alex went home then, and he warmed up dinner while she did her homework at the kitchen table. She took a bath on her own after dinner, and her father helped her wash her hair. He told her he had gone to the bookstore that day and picked up some new books by his favorite writers, and they were going to read her Nancy Drew book again that night.
They spent two weeks following all their usual routines, waiting for Carmen to come home. She didn’t call at all this time, but she’d done that before, usually when she was involved with a new man. But to Alex, Eric pretended not to be concerned. Finally Carmen called him at the office, because she knew it was hard for him to talk around their daughter, and she had something important to tell him and didn’t want to be the one to tell Alex.
He was distracted when he picked up the phone.
“I’m not coming back,” Carmen said in a flat voice.
“This week?” He assumed that was what she meant.
“Never,” she said simply. “I can’t do it anymore. I wasted my best years in Boston. I don’t know how you stand it. It’s the most boring city in the world.” Or maybe it was just his life, or him, but she had grown up with the music and lively Caribbean atmosphere of Cuba, where people talked and laughed and danced and drank rum. It was a sensual world. When she was with Eric in Boston, she felt dead. Miami felt like the center of the universe to her.
“You’re staying in Miami?” He was worried and sad about it, but not surprised. He had feared this happening for years. In some ways it would be a relief to him from the constant fighting, but an agony for their little girl.
“For a while. I got booked for two trade shows, and I met someone who said he can set me up with an agency in Vegas, and I can find modeling work there all the time.” Probably topless, but she didn’t mind.
“That’s not a wholesome place for a child,” he told her seriously. He didn’t want his daughter growing up in Las Vegas, not with the kind of people Carmen hung out with. Her plan was worse than he had envisioned in all the years he had worried about her leaving. He wasn’t in love with her anymore. Living with her was just too difficult, but he didn’t want to lose Alex, even half the time, if they shared custody. This was his worst nightmare come true. His heart had skipped a beat when she told him what she wanted to do, and he didn’t think he could stop her.
“I’m not taking her with me,” Carmen said, without any sign of regret. “She’s better off in Boston with you. She can come to visit me when I get settled. I’ll see how I like Vegas, or I might go to L.A. You’re right, it’s no life for a kid. And I need to be free.”
She knew herself well, and as far as Eric was concerned, she had been as good as free for years. She had never really acted like a wife to him. Their sex life had been fabulous at first, but once that cooled down after the baby, she acted like a stranger. She couldn’t wait to leave at every opportunity, and they hadn’t had sex with each other in almost five years. She had made it seem like an obligation for two years before that. The fire had gone out of their marriage within a year. It had been a colossal mistake. He had been a fool to marry her and he knew it. She was almost thirty years younger, hated everything about his life, and their marriage was a farce.
“Maybe I’ll come to visit her sometime,” Carmen said vaguely, as his heart ached for his child. However irresponsible a mother Carmen was, Alex still had some illusions about her. She was the only mother Alex had, and the child loved her.
“You’re welcome to visit whenever you want. She’s going to miss you,” he said sadly. “Having just a father is not the same.”
“You’re better with her than I am,” Carmen said honestly. “I felt like I was in prison when I was at home with the two of you.”
“I know, but that’s not going to be easy for her to understand.” And then he asked her the question on his mind. Although it no longer made any difference, he was curious why she was leaving now. “Is there someone else?”
She hesitated for a long time, and then answered, “Yes, I guess there is. It’s probably not serious, but we have a good time together. He’s got connections in Vegas and L.A.,” which was something Eric couldn’t offer her with his quiet, mundane existence. He had hoped to give her stability and provide a good life for her, but nothing about his life was appealing to her, not even their child. She just didn’t seem to have it in her to be a mother. She was too selfish and immature and wanted to be part of a flashy world, and there was no place in it for Eric or Alex. “I want a divorce,” she said, adding the icing on the cake. “I’m done.” He didn’t expect her to come back, but he’d thought she’d wait a while before asking for a divorce. It was a lot to tell Alex all at once, and he wondered if he should, or tell her that part later. “You can have full custody,” she added. That much was good news to him, it was what he had always wanted if she left for good.
“Thank you. Do you want any kind of regular visitation?” He hoped not, but thought it only fair to ask. She was definitely off and running with her own life, with no regard for him or their daughter. She wasn’t evil, just a totally irresponsible person, which he couldn’t explain to a child of seven, although in her own way, Alex knew it.
“No, let’s just see how it goes until I get settled. I’ll let you know where I am.” And then she broached a delicate subject, not sure how he’d react, although he’d always been generous while she lived with him. “Could I have some kind of support, like for a year or two, until I get a good job?” He hesitated, but she was his child’s mother. He respected that even if she didn’t.