“Anyway, I told him that I didn’t care if his divorce was almost final. He could call me when those papers were signed, you know?” Lara said with a snort. “I’m not interested in any of that type of drama in my life.” She picked up her chopsticks and hoisted a massive piece of dragon roll into her mouth. Her cheeks puffed out like a chipmunk as she continued. “So, enough about my pathetic love life. Tell me, what’s going on with Mr. Sexy Boss?”
I swiped my Alaskan roll through a little pool of soy sauce and then popped it into my mouth, buying some time as I tried to formulate how to explain things. Luckily, wasabi filled my nostrils and made my eyes water, which bought me an extra twenty seconds as I gulped some lukewarm tea.
“Um, yeah. So, we’re together. Pretty much,” I said, setting down my chopsticks and trading them for my cup of sake.
“Pretty much? What does that mean?” Lara frowned. “Either you’re together or you’re not together, right?”
“Well, we’ve been sleeping together. In the same bed. And we spend most of our weekends and free time together.”
She nodded, smiling. “Are you exclusive?”
The question caught me off guard, and I settled back into the booth with a sigh. Were we? I thought we were, but we’d never actually had the conversation. For all I knew, he could think we were still in the casual stage but just really enjoying each other’s company.
“I don’t really know,” I said, hoping my cheeks weren’t as red as they felt. “We’re just, you know, taking it slow.”
Lara’s eagle eyes narrowed on my face and she gasped. “Holy fuck. You’re in love already. Like, for real.” She set her chopsticks down with a clatter and took my wrist, squeezing it urgently. “Don’t try to bullshit me, Addison, we’ve known each other too long. You’re crazy over him, aren’t you?”
I didn’t bother to deny it. Lara was right. From the day we met and she found me crying in the corner at the ice skating rink, we’d been besties. She’d sat down next to me, and we both froze our buns off while she pep-talked me like a pro. I waited now for that same signature pep talk, but something inside me quivered as I saw the worry lining her brow.
“What? Why are you looking at me like that?” I asked, tugging my wrist away.
“Oh, honey. When I see your face light up every time you talk about him or that baby, it makes me so excited for you. But it’s been a month, and you guys are living together and playing house. You’re head over heels in love, yet you have no clue where you stand. Weren’t you the one who told me this whole thing started with a conversation about this being casual and fun? No commitment?”
I wet my lips and nodded. “Well, yeah. That’s how it started. But—”
“But nothing. He was up front with you from the start, and unless he’s told you otherwise, my fear is that you’re setting yourself up for a major crash and burn.” She released my wrist and settled back into her seat, gnawing on her bottom lip. “I know you can’t unspill the milk here. You’re in love, and that’s not going to change anytime soon. But at least sit down and have a discussion with him. Be honest. Tell him you know this was supposed to be casual, but that you’re falling for him, and if he’s sure he won’t commit, then you need to save yourself.”
Save myself? Like . . . leave?
The thought made the sushi I’d eaten crawl back up my throat, threatening to make a reappearance.
“I can’t do that. Leave Dylan?” Leave Max?
As terror shot through me, I realized I was even further gone than I’d thought. A life without either of them was almost unfathomable to me at this point.
Shit.
I hadn’t wanted to scare Max away by telling him how I was feeling, but Lara was right. We’d promised not to do anything that would threaten my position in the house, and that Dylan came first.
Now, though, it seemed almost impossible to separate it all. If things ended, could I really go back to just being Dylan’s nanny? And what, watch Max get ready for dates with someone other than me? No way. Those feelings would only grow stronger the longer we kept this up. If I had any chance of saving even a tiny piece of my heart from getting obliterated if he wasn’t in the same place as I was emotionally, I needed to do it now.
I picked up my cup and knocked back the last of my sake, holding up two fingers for the waitress and wiggling them.
Later, when I got home, I was going to climb in bed with Max and live it up one more time, because tomorrow I had no choice but to ask him where we stood.
Which meant that tonight might be our last.
Chapter Twenty-One
Max
So good, Max, just like that. Ah!
Addison’s low, breathy gasps replayed in my ears like the world’s sweetest music, and I shifted beneath my desk as my cock thickened.