Sordid by Ava Harrison
Dedicated to those who fear walking in the shadows.
My shaky hand hovers above a document that could sever my already fragile relationship with my family. I watch as it trembles, knowing I shouldn’t be doing this. I should walk away from this deal. It’s not right. This need for vengeance isn’t me. It might have been once, but something inside of me has changed. Ever since last week when I spoke to Spencer at the hospital, I’ve changed.
“What are you waiting for?”
Chelsea’s voice grates on my nerves, threatening to destroy the little composure I have.
“Just give me a minute,” I snap.
“What’s there to think about? Sign the damn papers, Grant. You don’t have a choice. You stand to lose more than Spencer.”
The way she spits his name gives me pause. She’s always hated him. Hated them all. She’s a viper, ready to pounce on anything and everything my family possesses. And right now, I’m feeding her the prey.
“We need this property, Grant. If we don’t go international and we allow Lancaster Holdings to expand before we do, we’ll be sunk. Lancaster is growing too fast. We set this plan in motion, and we’re already in too deep to stop.”
She’s right. Nothing can be changed. I chose this road a long time ago, and it’s too late to turn back now. There’s too much lost time. Once again, I allowed my pride to get in the way of everything. I’ve let time slip through my hands, dissolve like grains of sand in an endless desert until the years passed without a word. I watched those grains transform into mirages. Into something else. Something new. Something miserable.
I’ve watched from afar as others lived their lives. As they found love and happiness, while all I found was bitter disappointment. I’m not proud of who I am. Of who I’ve become. I was weak and foolish and failed myself.
And, in turn, I failed them.
My father was right, and I hated him for that. Loathed how right he was. So I became secluded from everyone. From my parents and from my brothers, Spencer and Pierce.
Built a wall.
I built a fortress until all that was left before me was an empty horizon of regret.
I have so many regrets, and it feels as if I’m drowning . . .
Suffocating.
Without a second thought, I lower my hand to the paper and sign.
Five months later
Three days.
Three, very long days.
Each second stretches out in front of me slowly. Painfully slow. It feels like an eternity. I know it’s not. I’m just anxious for it to begin. For my life to begin.
The future is not something I ever used to worry about. I’ve never really thought about where I’d be and what I’d be doing in ten years, or even five. To be honest, I never really thought where I’d be five minutes from now. But everything has changed. I’m finally ready to live. I’m ready to start my job, and eventually, I’ll take over the world. All I have to do is wait.
And it’s agonizing.
I’m stuck. My life is on pause. But in three more days, I’ll finally start the job over at Barkly Media. Even if it’s only an internship, I can’t help the excitement that courses through my body. It’s as if every molecule of my being is brimming with it. I’ll prove to myself, and to everyone who thought I’d fail, that I’ll succeed. The first step toward the rest of my life. The first step to being more than just Bridget.
Bridget . . .
The daughter who’s always been second, and then third.
The girl who’s followed in her sister’s footsteps her whole life.
For as long as I can remember, it’s been that way. At first, I was just the kid sister of Olivia, but then there was Lynn. Don’t get me wrong, I love Lynn and Olivia. Truly, I do. But it’ll be nice to have something of my own for once. The drama these two have brought into my life has been unbelievable at times. Now, with them both settled and happy, I can focus on me. And that’s just what I plan to do, starting with landing the perfect internship.
Sure, I graduated from UCLA only a few short weeks ago, but I had no time to waste. In the marketing industry, securing a job in Manhattan is close to impossible. Starting as an intern, learning the ropes, and securing the connections I need would land me a job, eventually. Or at least, that’s what all my professors promised me back in school. It better be. Having to do summer semester has set me back, which means I need to work harder to prove myself. Not only to my employer but also to myself. I want to prove I can stand on my own two feet.
I’m mid-daydream about my first day when I notice I missed my phone ringing. Reaching out, I swipe the screen and play back the message. Cassandra from Barkly Media wants me to call her back. I press the call back button and wait for her to answer.
“Barkly Media,” a woman says through the phone.
“Hi, may I please speak to Cassandra?” I reply while nibbling on my lip.
“This is she.” Her voice is ice cold.
“Hi, Cassandra. This is Bridget Miller,” I stammer as I sit down on my bed and wait to hear the reason for her call.
“Hello, Bridget. Thank you for calling back so promptly. Unfortunately, I regret to inform you that we will not be needing your help at this time.” She says a few more things, but I can’t make out any of her words as my whole world drops down from underneath me.
It’s over.
My stomach clenches as the realization hits me.
My dream job is gone.
I want to tell her a lot of things. I want to tell her that I need this job. That it’s a necessity. That it’s a goddamn lifeline. I want to add that I just put down first and last month’s rent on a studio apartment. But of course, I say nothing at all. Placing the phone down, I let out the breath I’m holding.
Hello, Bridget, Miss 3rd place. What are you going to do now?
Pacing, I find myself gnawing on the inside of my cheek. I’d wanted to do this on my own, but as I pace back and forth, I realize it’s time to admit defeat. I pick up my phone and dial my sister’s number. As much as I hate asking for help, time is of the essence, and I don’t have time to let my pride get in the way. Olivia will know what to do. The phone rings once before she answers.
“Hey, babe. Everything okay?”
“Yes. I mean no. I mean . . . ” I stop and let out a long exhale.
“Well, which is it? You’re confusing me.” Olivia laughs breezily.
“I don’t know,” I huff. “I lost the job,” I admit with a sigh.
“How about you start from the beginning and tell me everything.”
“Fine. I got a call, and the job at Barkly Media fell through.”
“I’m surprised you even got that job,” she mumbles under her breath.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I snap.
“It means, that you waited until the very last moment to choose a major. And the very last moment to apply. Are you surprised it didn’t pan out?”