Raph is the first to move. He pushes away from Layla and leaps off the bed. As he approaches me, I can see that he’s not totally naked, from the waist down at least. But the mental image of Layla unbuttoning his black suit trousers then removing them, just causes my stomach to twist even tighter.
“Jaz—” His voice is low and I can hear the distress in it, but I can’t let him speak. I can’t let him get those words out. Because Magnus had been right about him—he is toxic and every single word out of his mouth, poison.
And what could he possibly say to restore the breath to my lungs? What could he possibly do to piece that traitorous muscle in my chest back together? Nothing he can say can ever make any of this go away. He will never be able to make this right.
But it’s my fault too—I knew from the very first touch, the very first look, that Raph would most likely shatter my heart into a million pieces and break me in two. Hell, he had promised on that very first night to do the latter. But I haven’t listened to my own warnings, or indeed his. I’ve been foolish and blind.
I can see perfectly clearly now. I came here looking for answers and I sure as hell have them. Not the answers my stupid heart was hoping for, but I was foolish to think it would turn out any other way. Layla had been right when she told me that there was only one ending to this fairy tale and it wasn’t a happily ever after for me. Not at all.
“Shut up!” I cry out.
He opens his mouth again, but I make sure he closes it.
“Just shut the fuck up. I don’t want to fucking hear it.”
He moves forward another step, but I don’t let him come any closer.
“Don’t you dare touch me, don’t you dare come anywhere near me.”
I’m shouting so loud, that Raph stops dead in his tracks and I’m surprised no one has come in to see what the hell is going on already. I can feel Layla’s gleeful eyes on me. But I ignore her completely.
I’m so angry, that I’m shaking, every fiber in my body buzzing with adrenaline. I can feel my eyes burning, fierce with pain. But I’m too angry to feel ashamed, too angry to care. I take a deep breath, struggling to breathe through the feeling in my chest which feels like a bomb is exploding inside it and I’ve let Raph past my defenses to plant the bomb there. It was only a matter of time before it detonated.
Maybe I should ask him to explain himself. Maybe I should beg him to tell me what I’m seeing is some horrible misunderstanding. But I don’t. Because that part of me is dead now, leaving only a block of ice in its place.
I finally meet his gaze and I feel nothing. Because a block of ice can’t feel and when I speak, my voice is as cold as the arctic wind, as cold as Raph’s own gaze that first moment we met. I know now that was his true self. Not the guy who made me feel safe, made me feel like I’d finally found somewhere to belong. Not the guy who kissed me with such awe and reverence, that it felt like I was all that mattered in the entire universe, who told me that I was all that mattered and that he belonged only to me. No—that guy didn’t exist. He was nothing but a lie. All of it was a lie.
I should get the hell out of here. Now. Something inside me needs to hear the words from his own mouth. I need to hear him say it.
“I just want to know one thing.”
Raph’s eyes flinch at my words, at my tone, but they don’t look away. Good. I want him to see just how dead he is to me now.
“Did you know about the Crown Trial?”
Something flickers in the depths of Raph’s eyes, but still he doesn’t look away.
“Yes,” Raph replies simply, and the fragments of the shattered universe that had been lying at my feet earlier? They’re swept away into the darkness, never to be pieced back together again. Devastation is an understatement. The pieces of the puzzle that I’d been desperately trying to put together, fall into place, but the image is too horrific to even look at.
If the world ended right now, I doubt I’d even notice, because it feels like it already has and nothing, nothing will ever be the same.
He’s opening his mouth to speak, but I cut him off again by holding a hand up. I’m not screaming this time, but I don’t need to. Because the look in my eyes is clear enough.
“Was that the reason why? Was that the real reason why you tried to drive me away and then why you tried to get close to me in the first place?” It should hurt me to ask these questions, but I don’t let it hurt. I can already feel the numbness settling over me, and soon I pray, I’ll feel nothing at all.
Raph doesn’t answer, but the flash of guilt that I see in the depths of those heartbreakingly blue eyes, is enough. This time, I don’t need to hear the words, because that look tells me all I need to know.
He finally drops his gaze, unable to look me in the eye for a second longer. I’m glad, because I don’t want him to see the lone tear slipping down my cheek.
Layla sees it, though, and her responding laugh echoes through the silence. My gaze falls on her naked body still lounging on Raph’s bed like she owns it, which is fitting, because in all the ways that matter, she does. Just like she owns him.
I’m certain that from that first moment I saw you on that beach, I’ve belonged to you. Raph’s unwelcome words play themselves over in my mind and I feel like ripping off both my ears, so that I can never again hear any of his lies.
“Did you really believe that Raph was into you for real?” Layla asks, the delight ringing in her voice.
She quirks a perfectly shaped eyebrow, as she examines the devastation on my face.
“Oh, you did. How….”
Her lips curl into a cruel smile.
“Foolish,” she says finally, and I have no response, because she’s right.
It’s that same foolishness that makes me look back at Raph. Hope can be a stubborn thing and that one last grain of hope inside me wants him to say something. Anything to make the clawing in my chest go away. But he doesn’t. He’s as silent as a pillar of stone. He won’t even look at me.
That last ember of hope dies and I’m finally able to move. This time when I turn and run, Raph doesn’t ask me to stay. This time, there’s nothing he can possibly say to make me stop running.
I’m almost at the car next to the palace gates when I hear footsteps crunching on the gravel behind me.
Every fiber of my being stiffens, but when I turn around, it isn’t Raph approaching and I don’t know whether to be relieved or bitterly disappointed.
“I warned you to stay the hell away from Raph,” Layla says to me.
I don’t even know why I reply. But I have nothing left to lose now, anyway.
“You warned me about being Raph’s latest fling. Not about this—not that he was …” I can’t even make myself finish the sentence as my insides start heaving.
“I warned you that you have no idea how sick and twisted he is,” she replies coldly. “You should’ve listened.”