I turn on my heel and motion for Raph to follow me, but I don’t miss his responding smirk.
The good thing about living in a palace is that the place is so damn huge and the walls so thick, that I’m sure Magnus won’t even sense Raph’s presence here tonight. I don’t know where Magnus’s quarters are, but I’m pretty sure it’s not in the same wing as mine. Perfect. I know from Baron and Keller’s complaints, that Raph and I aren’t always as discreet as we like to believe and the thought of Magnus being awakened by the sound of us in the middle of the night is more than mortifying.
When we get back to my room, I flop down on the bed and Raph stretches out beside me. I turn on my side to look up at him as he props his head up on his elbow. My room is dark, apart from the soft glow of the bedside lamp, but still Raph’s beauty is devastating. God, I wonder for the hundredth time if there will ever come a time when I can look at him without feeling like the breath has been punched out of my lungs and he’s looking at me as if he’s wondering the same thing about me.
I notice that his expression seems pre-occupied, though, his eyes a darker shade than usual.
“What’s wrong?” I ask gently.
He doesn’t answer for a moment, reaching out to touch his fingertips to my cheek instead. I lean in to the touch and cover his hand with my own.
Something flickers in the depths of those midnight blue eyes, but I can’t read it and a moment later it’s gone, replaced by that heart stopping smile that always makes my insides feel weak.
“Nothing. I’ve just missed you,” he replies. I search his expression but the earlier troubled look is gone or at least well hidden. I’ve forgotten just how good Raph is at that. When we first met, his face had been as impenetrable as ice, giving nothing away and now although there’s not a trace of that ice in his gaze, it’s just as unreadable. But I don’t know why that surprises me. After all, Raph was raised for life in the public eye—shielding himself, veiling his true emotions is a necessary skill that he must’ve been taught to master from the day he was born.
“Why don’t you tell me what’s up? You look like something’s bugging you,” he adds. I know what he’s doing, but I don’t want to push him about what’s on his mind, if he’s not ready. Now that he’s back home, he must have a hundred different things to deal with and then of course, there’s his father. I know from the nights that we’ve stayed up talking just how much Raph dislikes being around him and the constant pressures he puts on Raph.
I let out a long sigh.
“Magnus just keeps dropping these not so subtle hints about this great big future planned for me as heir or head or whatever of the Evenstar Dynasty. He keeps talking all this crap about me being destined for greatness but of course, he won’t actually tell me what he means, because the guy seems to speak exclusively in riddles and I’m meant to just trust that the truth will come out at the right time.”
Raph’s gaze flickers, but again, I can’t decipher that look. He takes my hand, and entwines his fingers with mine.
“People underestimate just how destructive the truth can be if revealed at the wrong time,” he says quietly. I eye him curiously, but still I can’t read him.
I let out a frustrated groan.
“Not you, too.”
He grins at me, some of that earlier tension I sensed in him, fading.
For a moment, I consider telling him about Magnus’s warnings that Earth isn’t safe for me anymore, even though its meant to be some Evenstar Dynasty top secret. But I decide against it. It’s not like Magnus has even given me enough to go on and Raph already seems like he has a lot on his mind, without me adding to it.
His expression turns serious again as he lets out a long sigh.
“We should talk about the Winter Ball …” He trails off, his frown deepening. I wonder if this is what’s been on his mind. Because it sure as hell has been on mine. I’ve tried not to think about it, but it looms on the horizon like a dark storm cloud.
We haven’t even touched on the subject until now. The proverbial elephant in the room. But we both know what’s expected of Raph. Going to that ball with Layla is a given. Only a couple of weeks ago, the very thought of it would have made me feel sick. But now … now it feels like it doesn’t really matter. Because I know what he wants. I know who he belongs to. I replay Raph’s words to me that last day of semester—I’m certain that from the first moment I saw you on that beach, I’ve belonged to you, and it feels more than enough. At least for now. One step at a time.
Our gazes lock then and the look in those endlessly blue eyes tells me everything I need to know. He would walk into that ball with me on his arm with the entire world watching, without a second thought, if I asked him to.
But I won’t. Because I care about him enough to know he’s not ready for the consequences of that, and if I’m honest, neither am I.
“You know I would—” he starts to say, as if reading my thoughts. But I don’t let him continue.
“I know,” I reply simply, brushing my fingertips against his jawline.
“I know you would.”
He brings his hand up to close over mine and as ever, his touch sears me.
“You don’t need to prove anything to me. Not right now.”
“Jaz—” he begins to object, but I don’t let him.
“One step at a time,” I say.
He’s silent for a long moment, his eyes searching mine.
“One step at a time,” he repeats finally.
I shift to lie on my back, although I keep my fingers entwined with his by my side as we fall into silence, both of us lost in our own thoughts.
When I turn back to Raph, his expression is clouded.
“You haven’t … you haven’t changed your mind about us, have you?” he asks then. The uncertainty in his eyes tugs at my chest and I want nothing more than to tell him exactly just how impossible it is that I would ever change my mind about him. That I would ever stop feeling this way for him.
But I’m a coward and I can’t seem to make myself say those words. So, I tell him with my lips against his instead. He kisses me back with equal intensity and keeps kissing me until we’re clawing at each other, his hips grinding mercilessly against the softest part of me and I’m gasping at the waves of pleasure coursing through me.
His t-shirt and jeans come off and they join my discarded clothes somewhere on the floor. Then I find myself straddling him, wearing nothing but my bra, although the lacy material leaves little to the imagination.