“I’m fine,” I lied.
She laughed but stopped when I glared at her. “I’m sorry, but after he saw you today on the slopes, that’s all he kept saying. ‘I’m fine.’”
“He saw you on the slopes?” Penna asked, her book forgotten in her lap. This was the longest I’d seen her engaged in any conversation since the accident—since her sister broke her heart.
“He did,” I answered with an involuntary smile. “He looked up to wave to Leah, and I’d just gotten there. I had no clue he’d actually see me. But he looked like he’d seen a ghost.”
“And then he ran into the wall,” Leah said, her laughter rolling through her shoulders.
“No way!” Penna exclaimed, another laugh tumbling out. “Like into the wall wall? The side of the slope?”
“Exactly,” I said. “And then some girl ran over him on the lift.”
I wasn’t even near him, and his luck was already turning to shit.
“Oh my God,” Penna said, her laughter even louder. “Then what did he do?”
“He looked for you,” Leah said to me. “I mean, you were gone by the time he pulled himself out of the lift path, but he looked.”
My laughter died as that kaleidoscope of emotion turned in my chest.
“But what was weirder was that he didn’t ask about you,” Leah continued. “When I saw him, he never asked who was standing next to me.”
“He doesn’t care,” I said out of habit and defense.
“No, it wasn’t that. He was shaken. It was almost as if he thought he’d hallucinated you…like it had happened before.”
I met my best friend’s level stare. “That would imply he ever thought about me to begin with.”
“Rachel—”
“No!” I snapped. “He left me without saying good-bye. Left me standing there like an idiot in that ER with five rejected calls, ten unanswered texts, a shredded acceptance letter to Dartmouth, a fractured wrist from falling off our brand-new kitchen counter, and a broken heart—all while the ink on our lease, that I couldn’t afford on my own, was still wet. I sat in that apartment for days, knowing he’d gone back to the Renegades but just hoping he would still come home to me, too. Hoping Wilder had reneged on his goddamned ultimatum, or that I would at least get an explanation, or a good-bye. Do you have any idea how that feels—to be ghosted? Abandoned? Treated like you aren’t good enough for his love, his time, or even a fucking phone call? Leah, you of all people know what it was like for me to go back to my parents—to grovel and plead for help when I’d thrown my independence in their face. I gave up everything for Landon, and it wasn’t enough. So please don’t imply that he ever gave me a second thought.”
“You should let him explain,” Penna said softly.
“You can’t weigh in on this,” I told her. “Not if you want us to have a quasi friendship.”
She struggled with keeping quiet. I could tell by the set lines of her mouth, the way her hands gripped the sides of her book. “Okay,” she finally said. “But there are two sides to every story.”
Leah glanced between us and clapped her hands. “New subject!” Her eyes lit with excitement. “Pax arranged a trip to Nepal during the optional excursion week in India.”
Penna tensed, and my eyes flickered toward hers, which were pointed at her cast.
“Okay?”
“We’re all going! Well, if you want to. He found a great spa for Penna and me, and I hear there’s some fabulous skiing…”
My eyes narrowed at her. “You’re dangling the carrot. You know how much I love to ski.”
“I do,” she admitted.
“Landon will be there.”
“He will…it’s actually his trip. He’s hung up on boarding some ridgeline up by Everest, and this is his shot. He thinks it would put the documentary over the top.”
He couldn’t mean… I shut down my train of thought. For God’s sake. I’d been in his presence all of one time and I was already concerned about him. I had no business even thinking about him, or wondering if he was actually going to try to hit the Shangri-La spine wall he’d always talked about. It was impossibly high, impossibly steep, and offered a high possibility of death.
“Ugh.” I leaned my head on the back of the couch. “I can’t escape him, can I?”
“Not if you want all the perks that come with traveling with the Renegades,” Penna said. “And if I recall correctly, you were always ready to jump in on anything we were working on. Hell, I think you were more fearless than Landon some days.”
She said it softly, without malice. Maybe this roommate stuff would work after all.
“I do love it,” I admitted.
“Do you think you can handle being around him so much?” Leah asked. “I’m still willing to leave if you need to. I love Paxton, but I hate what he did—tricking us both to get you on board.”
I squeezed her hand. She’d suffered so much in the last few years, and it wasn’t fair to take this from her. I could endure six months of hell for her—for the chance to touch a piece of my history after months of research, digging through my parents’ papers, looking for the location of that orphanage in South Korea, trying to be as covert as possible so I wouldn’t upset Mom… Was I really going to let Landon ruin that?
“I’ll be fine. I can handle being around him.”
A flicker of relief passed through her eyes, and she loosened her grip on my hand. “Okay. Then how do you want to handle things? Pax wants to include you on the trips.”
“Of course he does. He wants me accessible for Landon,” I snapped and then grimaced. “Sorry.”
“Don’t be. You can growl at my boyfriend all you want. He deserves whatever you want to dish at him for this.”
“It’s fine. I’ll only see him on shore excursions. I can duck him the rest of the time.”
“Well…” Leah started.
“What now?”
“This might not be the best time to tell you that you’re also in two of the same classes this term,” Penna answered. “So you’ll be around him for those classes, shore excursions, our trips, and any field studies those classes have.”
“Fuck my life.”
“I figured you would say that,” Leah said, squeezing my hand. “Still okay?”
I nodded slowly. “Just like you, I’m a lot stronger than I used to be. Besides, just because I have to be around him doesn’t mean I have to talk to him.”
“Rachel,” Leah cajoled.
“He can be pretty insistent…and convincing,” Penna said.
“Yeah, well, I can be as stubborn as he is, and I’ve had way more practice at ignoring him than he has at seeking me out. There’s nothing that guy can do to force me to talk to him.”
I didn’t miss the glance Penna and Leah shared.
“I’m serious,” I said.
“I know,” Leah answered. “Your stubbornness has never been up for debate.”
“If I have to be stuck in this thing,” Penna said, nodding toward her cast with a slow smile, “at least I’ll have something entertaining to watch.”
How hard could it be to ignore Landon Rhodes?
I had the feeling I was about to find out.
Chapter Three
Landon