Lux by Courtney Cole
Dedication
Resurgmus a cinis.
“We will rise from the ashes.”
Because we always do, don’t we?
This is for anyone who ever has,
And for everyone who ever will.
Foreword
My dearest readers,
The poet Dylan Thomas said,
“Do not go gentle into that good night…
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.”
My characters are not gentle.
They raged,
And raged.
I haven’t been gentle either, Not with them,
And not with you.
My words have spun you around, Tilted you until you didn’t know which way was up.
Because we’re all a little mad, aren’t we?
You had to know Calla’s head.
You had to be in her shoes.
You had to feel what she felt.
Because it all had to happen in order.
Now you’re at the end.
You’re faced with the darkness, With the truth.
It looms ahead of you, So close you can touch it.
Go ahead.
Reach out your finger.
Touch it.
Do it.
DoItDoItDoIt.
I dare you.
Prologue
There’s a fork in the road and even though I see it, I can’t avoid it.
One road goes left, one goes right, and neither of them ends well.
I feel it in my bones,
In my bones,
In my hollow reed bones.
He grabs my hand and we walk…through a tunnel…through a hall… through the dark.
“It’ll be ok,” he whispers.
Will it?
“We have to do this,” he says. “But I’m with you. I won’t leave you.”
I nod because I believe him, because no matter what else, I know that much is true. He won’t leave me.
The room is shrouded in shadows, in flame, in secrets. I step inside, and peer around, and the heat from the fire warms me, warms my blood, and the blood pumps through my heart.
I sing a song of nonsense, and it sings back. The notes echo and twist in the air, and I swallow them whole.
“Come out,” I call behind me, because I know they’re there.
I can’t see them, but they’re always watching.
The eyes appear, inky black, and glistening, and they blink once, twice, three times.
“I can see you,” I announce and it growls and then I’m crushed beneath the dark, beneath the weight, beneath the oppression.
“You don’t scare me,” I lie.
Because it does scare me. It’s followed me my whole life, and finally, finally, I’ll find out what it is.
Why it’s here.
Why it wants me.
Because above all, I know it’s here for me.
I know it
I know it.
The walls around me pulse and hum and growl, There’s savagery here, there’s grace.
But above all, there’s oblivion and no matter what I do, I will be sucked into it.
I know it.
I feel it.
I’m crazy.
“Are you ready? she asks and we nod, because we aren’t but it doesn’t matter.
She nods and the flames lap, and the words start, One for one for one.
I fall backwards from the precipice into oblivion.
The endless
Endless oblivion.
Chapter One
The room swirls white and medicinal, filled with beeps and blank walls and cold skin. Goosebumps chase each other in confusion up my arm, and I gulp hard.
I’m in a hospital.
I’m cold.
I’m afraid.
My dead brother stares at me, his pale blue eyes evasive as he skirts my question. I ask it again.
“Finn, where’s Dare?”
I ask him stiltedly, each word a sword that stabs my heart, because doom invades this room, in every inch, every breath, every moment.
Finn looks away, at the wall, at the floor, at anything but me.
“Dare is….you know where he is, Calla.”
I don’t, though, and that’s the unbearable thing.
My eyes flutter closed and the last thing I see is the white hospital blanket that covers me. I close my eyes against reality, and Finn picks up my hand.