‘A Zungvox.’ She sounded disgustingly pleased with herself. ‘Clever isn’t it? They use it in my mother’s land. I adapted it so that one could speak through my Abdals. I meant it to be used so that the Holy Father’s prayers could be heard all through the city, to quell those idiots worshipping the fire barrier like it was God’s work and not mine.’ She shifted awkwardly back towards the bed, making herself comfortable. ‘I guess my father found another use for it.’
‘He’s not a father who cares about getting his daughter back, you know.’ I tasted the spite on the words even as they spilled out. ‘He’s a ruler who just wants his inventor back.’
‘Well, at least my father cares if I live or die.’ Leyla brought her bound hands up to her face, pushing the hair out of her eyes defiantly. ‘Can you say the same?’
I took another swift step towards her, and this time Leyla retreated against the headboard. I didn’t realise I was still holding the gun until Jin’s fingers brushed over the back of my hand. He had come up behind me, his broad hand closing gently over mine, his other arm circling my waist, pulling me back, away from her.
‘Don’t.’ He spoke quietly into my ear, so only I heard. ‘Let it go.’ I opened my fingers and released the gun into his grasp. As we turned away from Leyla, retreating from her prison, I realised I’d been clutching the gun so hard that the mark of the handle was imprinted in my palm.
‘I know you’re afraid of him,’ Leyla called out from behind me as I started to close the door between us. ‘And you should be.’ She raised her voice so I could still hear her from the other side of the wall. ‘When they die, it’s going to be your fault.’
I ignored her. I didn’t need her to tell me that. I already knew it was.
*
I slammed as many things in the kitchen as I could before I found a half-stale loaf of bread. I started to tear off pieces. Sara had kicked us all out of the room while she dealt with the children we’d disturbed. Hala had gone to find the twins. They had been sleeping in the shapes of various animals since we got here – lizards and birds, for the most part. They were trying to take up as little room as possible when we had so little to spare, but it didn’t always make them the easiest to track down. And we needed them. We needed everyone if we were going to make a plan, since we didn’t have Shazad to do it for us any more.
‘We can’t turn her back over.’ I said what we’d all been thinking. ‘She’s the best shot we’re likely to get at finding a way out of this city.’
‘I know,’ Jin replied absently, running his hand along his jaw, his eyes fixed on me. ‘If you give Hala a few more days with her, we might be able to trick something out of her when her guard’s down. But—’
‘But we don’t have a few more days until the Sultan starts killing off girls,’ I completed. Jin was leaning against the door, arms crossed, like he could stand between me and the whole world.
‘You did the right thing,’ he said after a moment, ‘with Leyla. Even if it was stupid as hell, it’s still a chance to get out of here, and we’ve got to take all of those we can get.’
‘What if she really does keep her mouth shut?’ I lifted my head, looking at him straight on across the kitchen. ‘What do we do then?’
We were tangling with a man who had armies and Djinni fire at his fingertips. And what was I? I was nobody. A girl with a gun from the end of the desert. To most people I didn’t even have a name. I was just the Blue-Eyed Bandit.
I’d forgotten my place, after Imin’s execution, when I stood up and volunteered to lead us. I’d forgotten that I was no one in this fight and there were dozens of men and women in this rebellion who were born better than me. Raised better than me. Educated better than me.
Shazad would have a strategy. Ahmed would wait until he was sure of what to do. Rahim had armies that would march for him. I was just taking random shots in the dark and hoping to hit something.
‘We figure it out,’ Jin said. ‘Like we always figure it out.’ It wasn’t much of an answer, but it was all we had. I felt suddenly restless. I started moving again. Opening and closing cupboards. Like one of them might have the answer. Or at least some coffee.
‘You don’t look like you’ve been sleeping much,’ Jin said behind me.
I slammed another cupboard. ‘Have you been?’
I meant it as a challenge. But the question somehow felt more dangerous than it should have. We’d been separated by everyone else for the last month, in a house too crowded to ever find privacy. It was only then that I realised Jin and I were alone for the first time in as long as I could remember.
And now here he was asking me about sleeping. Because we’d been sleeping separately. Which put into my head thoughts of sleeping … not separately. Which was ridiculous. We were both trapped in the middle of something bigger than what was between us. So all-consuming it didn’t leave a whole lot of room for each other. But still, we’d been inching closer and closer to something more lately. Towards unknown waters – or unknown to me. And I knew that of the two of us, I was the one keeping us docked.
‘No,’ Jin replied even as I stilled. He seemed to read what I was thinking and suddenly it was as if the kitchen had been emptied of air and I couldn’t breathe for wanting to reach out for him. ‘I haven’t been.’
I moved first but he was quicker. It took only a few steps for him to reach me, backing me up against the table. But he stopped just before we touched. I didn’t move either. I could tell he was being careful with me. Everything felt more fragile lately. He was close enough that I could feel the warmth from him even in the kitchen. I tilted my head back, finding the corner of his mouth with mine. Jin’s hands had dropped to my waist, something solid to hang on to. His hands curled around the dusty shirt I hadn’t had a chance to change out of, tugging it up just enough so that I felt his thumb graze over skin, sending a trail of heat behind it. He hadn’t shaved today, and I found myself grazing my lips over the stubble at his jaw. The coarseness sent a shiver through my body.
Jin let out a breath that sounded like surrender a second before his arms went fully around me, lifting me to sit on the table as if I were light as anything. My shirt bunched under his arms, riding most of the way up my spine, his hands following my skin further up, grazing the bottom of my shoulder blades, making me shiver all over again.
‘You need to shave.’ I broke away from him, breathless, rubbing one hand along his jaw. We were face to face like this, with me sitting and him standing. Eye to eye. But it was hard for me to look him straight on – it was too much, and if I did, everything I’d been holding back for weeks would rush into my blood and burn me alive from the inside. I might as well try to stare into the midday sun.
Jin grinned wryly against my hand on his jaw. ‘Later,’ he said, before claiming another kiss from me.
Without thinking I wrapped my legs around his middle, pulling him closer.