“I’m so sorry about your partner. That must have been very painful.”
When he continued, his voice was thoughtful. “It was. Sometimes it still is, but moving helped.” He smiled, but it wasn’t the easy smile she’d seen earlier. His eyes remained serious. “I knew moving would be tough on Evan, and it wasn’t an easy decision to move away from my parents, but it was more important to me that I work someplace safer. Hopefully, I’ll be around for Evan until he’s old and gray.”
“So you raised him alone?”
“Since the day he was left in my arms.” He smiled again, and this time it was full of love, and his eyes filled with pride.
They stopped to look over paintings, but Bella couldn’t take her eyes off of this man who had changed his life to protect his son.
“What about you? Has the move been tough for you?” she asked.
His answer came easily. “Nothing is too difficult when I’m doing it for Evan.” He shrugged, as if life decisions were that simple.
Bella had made her decision to change her life in a split second as well. Maybe life decisions really were that easy.
“In all honestly, I had to start on the bottom rung here. You know, new department, new city, and all that. It took some getting used to, but hopefully in the long run it will be worth it. What about you, Bella? Have you ever been married?”
She laughed. “Wow. You don’t beat around the bush. No commitments, remember?”
“You mentioned that that was a recent decision.”
What is it about you that makes me want to spill my guts? “It was semi recent. I made the decision not to…” Date? Get involved in a relationship? She didn’t want to stipulate either so definitively with Caden. “I made the decision in the spring, and no, I’ve never been married.” She was feeling too flustered inside toward him. She needed a little deflection. “And I’m not looking to get married anytime soon, so don’t drop to one knee and whip out a ring, either.”
He laughed. Thank goodness. At least he didn’t think she was as crazy as she felt.
“I’m basically starting over, too. I’ll be happy to find a job for the fall, sell my house, and settle into a life that doesn’t rely on someone else’s honesty.” Holy cow. Where did all that come from? She couldn’t stop herself from explaining. “I made a deal with myself that I’d make my life decisions based on me and me alone. Oh geez, that sounds terribly selfish given what you’ve done for Evan.”
“You don’t have children, so it’s different.”
“Either you’re a great liar, or you’re the most understanding man I’ve ever met. I guess it’s different, but what I meant was, I’d make my decisions separate from a relationship. You know, separate heart and mind and all that.”
Caden’s eyes grew serious. “There’s an all that? I thought that when the heart made a decision, the mind had no choice. Huh.”
“I’m hoping there’s a separation of heart and mind, but if I’m not in a committed relationship, it won’t be an issue anyway.” Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Oh my gosh, here it goes… “I have an offer to get my old job back in Connecticut, and I’m trying to build a work-study program here. That choice has to come from what I want.”
He reached for her hand—even after all she’d said. “Well, I think that makes total sense.” He guided her to the next booth, and she was sure her jaw was gaping as she stared at their interlaced fingers. They felt like they belonged together.
“Here’s the hair stuff,” he said.
She should pull away. She knew she should, but she didn’t, despite everything she’d just admitted. She told herself it was curiosity, to see if he would pull away first, but in truth, she liked the feel of him.
She liked him.
It was that simple.
And that complicated.
She picked up three boxes of ponytail holders. “I’ll take these, please.”
Caden withdrew his wallet.
“I think I can afford hair bands.” She pulled a ten-dollar bill from her purse and paid for the bands. She wasn’t used to men offering to buy anything other than dinner or a movie, and it had never bothered her. In fact, she’d never thought anything of paying for her own things when she was out with a man. Until this very second. She told herself to be careful. Thoughtful, generous, and understanding was a dangerous—and from her experience, uncommon—combination in a man.
They continued down the aisle, and this time he didn’t touch her back as they moved through the crowd. She wondered if she’d completely turned him off.
“Thanks for offering to pay, but it’s a pride thing.” A pride thing? What on earth is wrong with me? You’re trying to be nice and I’m being a jerk. But it was kind of a pride thing, wasn’t it? Bella took pride in being able to take care of herself, financially and in other ways.
“A pride thing? Okay, got it. I didn’t mean to imply that you couldn’t afford to pay for your own hair bands. It was just a natural reaction to offer, I guess.”
“A natural reaction? So you buy things for every woman you go shopping with?” She smiled to let him know she was teasing, but the look he returned was serious.
“I don’t usually shop with women, so I guess the answer is yes, because it felt natural with you.”
His gaze was so hot, it brought sweat to her brow.
His cell phone vibrated, severing the connection. As he pulled the phone from his pocket, Bella sucked in a deep breath to get her bearings. What is wrong with me? He was sucking her right into the crazy man world again. The world where decisions were made based on feelings and minds were too filled with lust and anticipation to think straight. Where, for most guys, lies went hand in hand with getting a girl into bed. But he didn’t seem at all crazy. She had to be strong. Fix my life. Then date. Maybe. A moment later, she felt his body press against her back. Oh, you feel good. His hands gripped her hips, and he guided her out of the center of the crowded aisle.
He looked down at her with honest, dark eyes, and the last of her steely resolve slipped away. She wanted to kiss that sexy dip in his chin and run her tongue along his lower lip. She wanted to press her hands to his chest and feel the hard muscle beneath the soft cotton. She wanted to be in his arms and feel the passion that fueled him to wrap his life around a child at such a young age—and at the same time, she wanted to turn and run as fast and as far away as she could. Because Bella knew that once she opened the door to her heart, making clear-headed decisions would no longer be easy, and pain was sure to follow.
“That was Evan. Those kids he was talking to want him to hang out with them for the afternoon, so I need to go meet them. Do you have time to hang out? Maybe go to the beach while he’s with his friends?”
No. Definitely not. The words were on the tip of her tongue, which is why when she heard herself say, “Sure,” she knew she was in trouble.