“No, I think it depends on what you want. I know what I want,” I whisper.
She pulls back and drops her mouth down next to my ear, a chill surges through my body.
“This is what I want,” she whispers before she pulls back from me. Her eyes, dark as the vast ocean on a moonless night as they pin me helpless.
I brush my lips lightly against the corner of her mouth. I sigh, a soft, desperate breath catches in my throat. She stops and pulls back just far enough to tickle the edge of my lips. The same lips that ache to discover every space on her body.
“Are you as nervous as I am?” she asks.
I shake my head without saying a word and I will myself to be brave, be strong.
She takes my hand, presses it against her chest, I feel her heart thundering. “I’m so fucking nervous,” she quips.
“I’m making you nervous, why?”
“I’m still terrified there’s a part of you that will turn me down. I’ve been gone for so long, I’m afraid I messed up so much with you.” Her lips quiver, her eyes carrying the weight of her fear. I need her to know I’m already hers.
“You’re afraid I’m not going to want you? Rose, this is all for you.” I’m breaking at her words.
“I’m scared you don’t want to share yourself with someone who messed up so bad and left you so she could find herself,” she chokes, tears streaming down her cheeks.
I take her hand and press it to my chest. “You’re right here, a big part of you, sits right here.” She feels my heart crashing against her hand too. Tears fill my eyes, I can’t help it, I’m watching my life, the woman I want to spend all my moments with, crumble in front of me.
“I don’t think you really understand, Shane . . . in my entire life, you’ve been the only one to calm the raging sea in my mind.”
My heart twists as every instinct I have, every urge to keep her and scoop her up consuming every ounce of her fear, her pain. My nose nudges her cheek, her soft, delicate lips open just enough to let my tongue trace the seam of her mouth. I close my eyes, let the moment devour me. This was happening. I’m finally tasting the pain and pleasure of who she is.
Her energy thunders through every cell of my body as who I am and what we are dissolves in our kiss. She tastes so sweet, with a hint of bitter. I can feel that she’s just as afraid as I am.
Words have created our emotions, the act of us being together is something so much deeper. I drag my hands up over her shoulders, I feel her shiver as my touch paints her skin with love. Her lips dampening by our tongues mingling, consuming the fear and passion we’ve let collect in our conversations. My hands tangle in her hair, as we taste each other’s desires. She anchors her hands against my chest, her warmth penetrates through to my heart.
Suddenly, nothing else exists outside of the moment we are sharing. I feel her begin to heal.
I don’t push, I don’t press, I don’t take what I want, I hold back, and I let her decide how far she wants to take this delicate and treacherous journey of discovery. I know she needs to be in control. Her intentions are clear, she needs to make the next move, even if it kills me. I push away the urge to have more.
God, I want more.
I move slowly, keeping my fingers tangled in her hair, my lips glued to hers. I long to drag my tongue down across her jaw line. I want to taste every inch of her skin, pralines and cream. I will myself not to move too fast. I focus on the fact that she’s new at this, sharing herself with me. If only a kiss . . . I will take it.
My world found its home, my lips found its mate, my life, its purpose. I’m filled with the moment, captured by her magic, even while knowing at any second she owns the ability to leave me torn, twisted, alone.
She urges me back on the sofa her body light against mine, I feel her breasts press against me just enough to prick my body into overdrive. The heat surging below the buttons of my pants intensifies as she draws her knee up between my legs. Her lips creating the perfect place to get lost, she tastes so irresistibly good, so raw, unprotected.
It’s her decision if our damp clothes become the only protection between us. She withdraws from our kiss, instantly I’m lost without her taste. I want to breathe with her until every feeling of panic filling every atom of my body disappears. I need her warm skin against mine.
She looks at me and I see the fire raging behind her pupils. I see the inferno of confusion, defeat, fear, need, want, and love. Yes, I see that she wants to love me. God, tell her to keep holding on to that desire to let me in, let me love her.
“Are you okay with this?” I ask breathlessly.