“I was a fool to believe him,” Lillian says, searching my face. “I thought I was doing the right thing, but you were my responsibility, Honey, and I failed you.”
“You’re damn right you did,” I say bitterly. “Why didn’t you at least come to visit? Like Nana Pete did? Even if you weren’t allowed to say who you were?”
Lillian shakes her head. “I wasn’t allowed anywhere on the grounds. Emmanuel forbade it. And after I left Mount Blessing, I had a terrible time of it. I never touched the violin again. Ma and I lost contact and I began to drift around, in and out of work, struggling to get by. I was just massively depressed. I didn’t want to … ” Her voice drops to a whisper. “You know, go on anymore. I just didn’t see a way out.”
I have no time for her sob stories. “Well, you’re obviously still here.”
“Yes,” Lillian whispers. “And the thing that kept me going was all those pictures Ma took of you every summer and mailed to me at whatever address I was living at at the time. Then last year we started talking again, trying to rebuild things between us. Ma bought that restaurant for me so I could start over, and then, just a few days ago, everything happened with you telling Ma about that horrible room … ”
“The Regulation Room,” I say. “Did you ever see it when you lived there?”
Lillian shakes her head. “No,” she whispers. “He liked me at first, remember? And then … well, I guess there was no need for it later. I was as good as dead to him.”
“I hope I’m dead to him,” I say, and I mean it with my whole heart.
The room is silent except for the sound of Mr. Pibbs padding over the floor. I sit up suddenly as a cold dread, like a hand, wraps itself around my throat.
“We have to go back,” I say, standing up. “Right now. Agnes and Benny will never make it at Mount Blessing without us.”
“Now?” Lillian asks.
“Yes,” I say firmly. “Right now. We can’t waste another minute.”
AGNES
Thirty thousand feet below me, the world looks like a patchwork quilt. I press my forehead against the smooth bit of window next to me and stare at the different squares of green, the rectangular fields of gold, teardrop-shaped swimming pools, and narrow rivulets of water, which, even from this distance, I know are moving. A strange sensation builds inside of me as I peer at the miniature topography below. I don’t know what it is at first, maybe fear, maybe trepidation, maybe just anxiety. I reach around, pulling my shirt up a little to remove my book before I realize it’s not there. Panic fills me like water. Where is it? Suddenly I remember throwing it across the bathroom floor in Lillian’s house. How could I have forgotten to go back and get it before we left?
The plane dips to the right suddenly, turning in a wide arc, and my stomach falls with it. I close my eyes and bite my tongue, trying to push the photograph of Dad and Lillian out of my mind’s eye. Why did he call her Naomi just before we left? It will be a two-hour flight back to Newark Airport in New Jersey. Dad says that someone from Mount Blessing will be waiting there to pick us up for the two-hour ride back. I wonder if my heart will survive the distance.
I glance down the row we are seated in. Dad is on the edge, his feet sprawled in the aisle. His chin is propped against his hand and he is staring pointedly at the seat in front of him, lost in thought. Mom is next, her head on Dad’s shoulder, small hands loose and open in her lap.
I look over at Benny, who is sitting cross-legged in his seat, although Mom has already told him twice that he can’t sit that way. He has taken his seat belt off and is fiddling with his shoelace. He’s also rocking back and forth. But at least he’s not humming.
I nudge him a little with my elbow.
“Hey,” I whisper, jerking my head toward the window. “You wanna see something?”
He closes his eyes and shakes his head.
“You don’t? It’s kind of amazing. Come on, get up here on my lap and you can look.”
Benny doesn’t move.
“You might not be able to see it again, if you don’t.”
His finger stops twirling his shoelace as he glances over at the window. I can see the fear in his eyes, behind his glasses. I put my arm around his shoulder. “Come on, Benny. Right here. Right on my lap. Come and look.”
He crawls over slowly, peering out the tiny window with a rigid expression on his face.
I point with my finger. “See over there? That tiny little blue circle? That’s someone’s pool.” I grin as Benny’s eyes widen. “I know! It’s so tiny, right? Can you believe it? It looks like a pin!” He nods. “And look over there. See that dark little winding thing? The one that goes up and down, all over? I think that’s a train track. Like a real train would run on.” Benny nods, his face getting pink. “Look over there, at those little red dots. I’m pretty sure those are barns. Just like the horse barn at Mount Blessing.”