Chapter 30
For two days after I got back from Athens, I couldn’t eat anything. It was Friday night so the house was busy with the girls getting ready to go out. I was in the kitchen, making a cup of coffee to boost some energy into my system when the doorbell rang.
“Shit. That must be Taylor! Can someone get it?” Trista called out, scurrying to finish getting ready.
Pulling the door open, I almost peed in my shorts when I saw Dimitris. “I thought you didn’t want to continue—” I stuttered, trying to figure out what he wanted now.
“I didn’t.”
Okay. “Then, what are you doing here?”
“You left when you still had a few more days with me.”
I see. Did he come back to collect those days? “I’m not—you decided to end things with me. Why are you here, Dimitris?”
Straightening his stance, he slid his hands inside his jeans, face unreadable. “What do you think, omorfi mou?”
If he was going to ask me to continue this stupid farce, I was going to pummel him to the ground; in love or not, I wasn’t going to let him get away with it. “Let’s continue this in my room before someone sees you,” I uttered, nervous of any of the girls would see him. That would be the last thing I needed, seriously.
Upon closing the door, I was more than taken aback when Dimitris pulled me against him, demanding. “Why did you leave?”
“You were hurting me, Dimi.” I tried to look away, but he wouldn’t let me.
“I am hurting, too. For once in your life, stop hiding from me, from anything. If you have anger or hate towards me, tell me to my face. I know I deserve it. My attitude towards you has been abominable. I fully deserve your hate so don’t hold back telling me just how much.”
Where did I even begin explaining? I had to start from the very beginning. I gathered my courage and took a deep breath, preparing to tell him where it had all started. “At a young age, I was surrounded by betrayals. It’s difficult when you grow up that way because you end up being screwed up, thinking that people are always out to hurt you. When I saw my mom cheating at a young age, the guy she cheated with ended up convincing me that what Mom was doing was right—that a woman’s body was a powerful weapon to use—to make men succumb so they would do whatever we wanted. He—Uncle Brandon was my father’s best friend. Betraying my father’s trust and love didn’t even stop him from coming into our home every night when dad was away on business.
“One night, he caught me watching them. I thought he was hurting Mom, but I thought differently when Mom kept begging him not to stop. The next day, he took me to the carnival with his niece. When it was just the two of us in the car, we talked about what happened, what I saw.” I raised my eyes to meet his then, needing him to see the woman that I am, what I am.
“He touched me, just playing with it while telling me that men always fall for it. The worst part was that I liked it. I didn’t know that it was wrong because Mom liked it and I thought then that Mom did everything right. So, on certain nights, after he was done with her, he’d go inside my room and touch me, sometimes with his finger or with his tongue. The night he promised that he’d show me more tomorrow, was the last time I saw him because he was caught by another woman’s husband while he was screwing his wife and he shot him while he was having sex with her.
“Dimitris, this is only a part of my messed up childhood, but I’ve told you the worst. I thought I was still in love with Brody—but I didn’t know that I was already falling for you—unbelievably hard, I didn’t know what it was in the very beginning because I’d never felt anything like it. I’m sorry… for everything… you don’t know how much I regret causing you so much pain. I deserve this hell that I’m in. Karma got me good when Claudine showed up, showing me her engagement ring.”
I smiled through my tears, but kept on going. “As much as I love you, I didn’t think I was strong enough to stay and wait for you to come back from your trip in London. I could only stand it for so long without breaking down.” I swallowed my tears, braving it out. “I’m happy that you’ve found someone that will be loyal to you. You deserve it, to be happy.” Slowly moving away from him, I sat on my bed, downcast.
Dimitris followed, sitting next to me with his finger on my chin, lifting it to meet his troubled face. “You love me?”
He knew, didn’t he? “I did tell you—that last time in the clos—”
“I demanded that from you. You simply didn’t tell me.” He was wiping my tears when he asked me the next question. “When did you realize that you were falling for me?”
“I realized it before Milan happened.”
Dimitris was frowning, frustrated. “That long… and you’re just telling me?”
He hadn’t being all that nice then, was he? “I was scared… you were with her. I was sharing you and that was painful.”
Dimitris dropped his head on my shoulder before groaning against my neck, holding me. “I’ve never touched another woman since I had you in Milan. I never had sex with Claudine after you left me—the time where you divorced me. I had a few other women, but that was me convincing myself that I could move on from you. The truth is, though, I always come back to you, even if you wish me away.
“The night I left your blankie, I wanted you back, but you looked happy with him. I thought he was the best for you because I couldn’t make you look like that, you were somehow unhappy with me.
“I knew you’d be in Milan. I knew I shouldn’t see you, but I caved in, thinking that I could stand watching you from afar.
“The lies I told myself were laughable because, when I saw you, not once did my eyes stray, they were stuck on you. I was enraged about your poor choices, but somehow, when you are in my arms, when I’m with you, I’m fighting a battle that is unattainable. I knew that you would always be my downfall. The only woman that could bring me willingly to my knees.” He paused, breathing hard, seeking for my hand.
“You don’t know how many times I fought with myself that night, almost begging for you to return to me, but after what you put me through, I couldn’t do it. I wanted you to want me as much as I’ve wanted you. I wanted you to come to me—fight for me—because you felt the same. When I saw you step out of my elevator, I thought you had come there to tell me what I had longed to hear, but you’re a very stubborn woman. You never make it easy.
“When I made you tell me you love me, it gave me immediate happiness—completeness—but after a few minutes, that feeling faded away because I knew I’d asked it of you. Those words weren’t meant with your heart. I never wanted to marry Claudine, but when she threw that ultimatum, I used it to my benefit, hopefully to make you see and realize that you might feel something for me other than sex.”
He pulled away from my shoulder, meeting my teary sight. “You see, I’ve never stopped loving you. I don’t want to marry anyone else because you’re the only wife I can see—the only one I want. I know we’re divorced, but you’re my wife. Your scars and wounds are mine to heal. Your love is mine to nourish. Your tears are mine to turn into laughter, and your fears—together we’ll overcome.”
My tears were unstoppable, so was my love for this very man.
Dimitris held his hand over his heart. “You’re here because I said those vows and meant them. I vowed to cherish you. Love you, forever. That’s you, yineka mou.” He kissed my hand, choked up. “I’m yours.”
“Mihi es et tibi sum.” You are mine and I am yours.
“I love you, Dimitris Kosta.” I took his hands, kissing the insides before kissing each finger, sealing it with my tears. “Mihi es et tibi sum.”
A month later…
I was ushered into the room, still weary from my six-hour flight from Los Angeles when I saw a figure come towards me.
The man of my life.
“I thought you’d never get here!” Dimitris exclaimed, lifting me off my feet, squeezing the life out of me as he kissed my neck and face. “Three weeks without you was unhealthy.” He nipped against my ear, growling as he did so, making me squeal with delight. “I need some sustenance. We only have a weekend to ourselves, yineka mou.”
“I kind of like this… if you’re always like this each time I see you—crazy and can’t get enough of me—then I’m not complaining.”
“Tell me this after we’ve had our weekend, you might be changing your mind,” he uttered before kissing me senseless.
Separate countries and different continents wouldn’t stop us from making this work. We were bound by our love.
No matter our schedule, we would make it work because what else was there in life other than falling in love? It was the entire purpose of our being, testing our limits to how much pain and suffering we could endure. The best gift of all was finding that profound love—the kind that shifted the earth and quaked the ground. The kind that breathed you in and let you fly—soar higher than possible—freeing you from your past.
Love taught me.
Love freed me.
Love was healing me.
This world was ours. For I was his and he was mine.
Together, we existed. Together, we dominated. Together, we conquered.
Home, I was definitely home.
Mihi es et tibi sum.
~Lindsey & Dimitris~
You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly.”
— Sam Keen