“I haven’t. I’m such an idiot. When you said maternity pads I didn’t think they did something separate to all the others. I didn’t want to call in case you’d fallen asleep.”
“Jasper, stop. You’re not an idiot. You’re incredibly sweet. How many other men would get every variety and every brand just because they didn’t want to risk waking someone up?”
“They’re really okay?”
“Yes, I promise. Thank you.”
I smiled and sat down, wrapping my arm around her. Ever since I’d seen Abby in the shop I’d wanted to hold Holly.
“Are you tired?” I whispered. She nodded, pulling the blanket up and snuggling into my side. “Sleep then.”
If Holly was right, we had about another hour and a half before Sophia would wake up.
“I like having you around,” she whispered and yawned.
“I like being around. I’ll be here as much as you let me.”
“I’d never tell you not to come. You know you can see Sophia whenever you want.”
Of course I knew that. Holly would never try to keep me from our daughter; she loved Sophia too much to be selfish with her.
“I saw Abby today,” I said.
I wasn’t sure if it was deliberate or not, but she pressed her body against mine a little harder.
“Yeah? How is she?”
“Fine. She has a son called Jacob. He’s about a month older than Sophia. They both looked well.”
“That’s good. How do you feel after seeing her again?”
“I feel fine. Thought it’d make me miss her but I don’t. I care about her in the way I care about any other human, but I don’t have any feelings for her, good or bad.”
Holly looked up at me, her blue eyes brighter than ever. “That’s great.”
“Yeah it is. Seeing her made everything clear. What I want. Who I want.”
“Who you want?”
I narrowed my eyes. “You’re being very coy considering you already know it’s you.”
She didn’t move.
“I thought I was ruined for relationships. I was so sure I’d never want anything real again. When Abby cheated I thought that was it for me, that I’d never be able to trust anyone again and that I wouldn’t be brave enough to take a chance. But I trust you, Holly. It’s not taking a chance because we’re already there, aren’t we? We’ve been in a relationship since your aunt’s wedding but without the label.”
She gripped my jacket, tearing up.
“Good,” I said. “I knew you felt it too. I’m not scared to let you in, or acknowledge that I already have. I’m not worried about you crushing me because you won’t and you don’t ever have to worry because I will never hurt you; either of you.”
“Jasper,” she whispered.
“I know.” I pressed my forehead against hers. “God you really have no idea how beautiful you are, do you?”
Her cheeks turned pink, proving my point. “You are, and so is Sophia. I’m a very lucky man to have you both.”
“I think I’m the lucky one,” she said.
I tucked her hair behind her ear, wanting to see more of that face I’d grown to love so much. She really was stunning. Her striking blue eyes sparkled. How could I not have seen how I felt about her before? Was it masked by the sudden pregnancy and my divorce? I’d been so consumed by everything else that I’d almost let her slip through my fingers.
“I’m never letting you go,” I whispered and kissed her.
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Jasper
I got out of the shower that I’d had to have after my little angel puked her milk all over me. For something so tiny, she could really let it all go. It was like a fountain. Thank God I had spare clothes at Holly’s place. I changed in the bathroom and went in Holly’s room to pack my old stuff in a bag.
My makeshift bed – a blow-up one – on the floor beside Sophia’s Moses basket laid unused. For the last couple of nights I’d slept beside Holly, cuddled up to her. I folded the fleece blanket up and pulled the plug out of the bed.
Everyone knew we were together now – we got a chorus of ‘about time’ or ‘weren’t you already together?’ thrown at us – so there was no point having the second bed down there.
I put the pillow back on Holly’s bed and saw an envelope. My name in Holly’s handwriting was scribbled on the front. A few things ran through my head, the scariest one: she’s breaking up with me and doesn’t know how to do it face-to-face. I picked it up, heart in my mouth as I opened it. I pulled the piece of paper out and started to read.
Jasper, I don’t know how to say this to you, so I thought writing it would be easier. I hope. Sometimes I feel that your protectiveness, although completely understandable, is an insult to me. I love Sophia as much as you do and I would NEVER allow anyone to hurt her, nor would I leave her alone with anyone I don’t trust.
You’ve been through something so terrible that, you’re right; I don’t get but that doesn’t mean that I’m not capable of making the right choices for Sophia and that I can’t adequately protect her.