SUNLIGHT STREAMS THROUGH THE window. I shift without opening my eyes. My hand feels warm and tight. For the first time in a long time, I’m waking up in a bed next to the love of my life. The bonus is that our son is in between us. My eyes open slowly, so the sun won’t blind me. I wonder why Ryley left her curtain open. So many thoughts run through my mind about the security of the house, about her and EJ. They’re my priority. I will protect them at all cost.
The first sight my eyes behold, glowing in the morning light is Ryley. She looks at peace. There are no worry lines marring her face, no anger or disappointment in her eyes. No, those emotions will appear later. We can’t make it through a day without those two emotions bringing us down.
My eyes fall onto my son, who has rolled closer to me. My heart dances a little jig, thinking this is a victory, but I know it will be short lived. He’s only this close because gravity has made the space next to me available to him. As much as I want him to recognize me as his dad, I can’t push him. Doing so would backfire and likely drive him away, unless Nate helps. But that scenario is highly unlikely.
I’m not sure what to expect when I see him. Will he be shocked that I’m here? Angry? Disappointed? The reunions that we’ve had in the past will not be what this one will be. I want to act like we’re eight again and wrestle him to the ground for the last Twinkie. Except this time we’ll be fighting for Ryley, although I sort have already won. However, I’m not stupid enough to take her not marrying him for granted. I’m going to have to work my ass off. Six years is too long to be without someone and she moved on, like I’d expect her to.
I didn’t.
I couldn’t.
Everything that she and I had built from our teens has to start over. The only benefit is that I can woo her properly without asking my parents to borrow a car or a few dollars for ice cream.
Ice cream… that is what we need today. My little family needs to be pampered and shown just how much I love them. A trip to the zoo, some ice cream and a walk along the beach with Deefur is what the doctor ordered. Or she would if I told Doc Howard about my plan. I think she’d agree.
Gazing back down at my family, it’s a shame to wake them, but I want to utilize every moment possible. I have this feeling in the pit of my stomach that our world is about to be rocked again and I can’t shake it. Whatever it is, whatever’s coming, I’ll be prepared.
I gently move a few strands of hair from Ryley’s face. She startles, but relaxes the moment my fingertips trail down the side of her face. She was made for me and I’ve often thought how my life would be drastically different had I not hit her with the football that day. Or if her mom didn’t get reassigned to Bremerton. Those thoughts make me feel empty and hollow. I can honestly say that I wouldn’t be the man I am today without Ryley in my life.
“You look deep in thought,” her voice brings me back to the here and now. Seeing her like this, no words can describe how sexy I think she is.
“I was just thinking about how I’m a much better man because of you.”
Ryley rolls her eyes. She doesn’t believe me and that’s okay. It’s hard for people to take such a meaningful compliment.
“Hey, I thought we’d go to the zoo, get some ice cream and take Deefur to the beach?” I make it sound like it’s not my plan. Like I don’t need to do this today.
“Did you just ‘hey’ me?”
I look at her questioningly and her eyebrow rises. “Um, yeah I guess.” I shrug, not realizing or even remembering what I said to her. I’m too lost in thoughts of holding her hand while we walk barefoot down the beach with our son and dog a few steps ahead of us.
“Are you okay?” she asks because she can read me like a book. I nod, although it’s not very reassuring.
“Momma, I’m starving.”
EJ speaks, but doesn’t open his eyes. This is the second time I’ve seen him do this. I make a mental note to ask Ryley about it later.
“Aunt Livvie is downstairs,” she whispers in his ear. He bolts right up and rubs his eyes before maneuvering himself off the bed. I completely forgot about Livvie showing up in the early morning hours. Then I fell asleep up here, leaving her downstairs.
“Shit, Ry. I forgot Livvie was here.” I cover my face and groan. I love my sister and I’ve missed her, but I’m not sure her moving in here with Ryley is an option. She and I are trying to rebuild what we had, and I’m trying to forge a relationship with my son. The last thing I want is for Ryley to feel crowded or EJ to ignore me in favor of my sister. As much as this is my house, I can’t assume it’s going to be okay for Livvie to stay here. Not to mention, Nate technically lives here too.
“I’m going to go take a shower. I’ll meet you downstairs.” Everything about her telling me she’s going to take a shower seems so real. I watch as she rolls off the bed and into the bathroom. Once the door closes, I stare up at the ceiling and think how natural being here is, yet not forgetting that once Nate returns, shit’s going to escalate quickly. He’s been in love with Ryley since high school. He’s not going to let her go easily. I like to think I have the advantage.
As much as I want to lie in bed all day I need to be proactive. I have to try and establish a bond with my son before Nate comes home. I never thought I’d have to fight for my family, but I do and I will.
I shower quickly in the guest bathroom, which is technically mine and EJ’s and head downstairs. Ryley and Livvie are sitting at the kitchen island drinking coffee. It warms me thinking they’re trying to fix things between them.
“What’s on your arms?”
EJ is sitting on the couch, his little legs bouncing up and down. He’s ready to go and have fun today. I look down at my arms, moving them around so he can see what I have.
“They’re called tattoos.”
“Can I get one?”
I laugh remembering how angry my mom was when I came home from basic training with one on my arm. I think this is one of those parental moments that I have to craft my answer carefully. If I tell him no, he’ll remember and do it anyway. Chances are he’ll get it done in some seedy shop by some half-assed artist. I tell him yes, and he wants to go get one now and somehow I don’t think Ryley would be in favor of that.
Sitting down, I take a chance and pull him onto my lap. He doesn’t fight me, and there’s a little pang of hope coursing through my body reminding me that I need to create and steal as many of these moments with him that I can.
“I bet you that we can find the special kind of little kid tattoos that your mom will allow you to have. When I got my first one, your grandma was so mad at me.”
“She was?” he looks shocked when I bring up my mom.
I nod, unable to keep the big ass grin from taking over my face. “She was so angry she threw a pillow at me.”
His little mouth drops open. “Did it hurt?”
“Nah. Don’t tell grandma this, but she throws like a baby.”
EJ starts to giggle and it’s the most amazing sound I’ve ever heard. I quickly follow suit and wish I had a camera to capture this moment.
“Do you want to frow the ball wif me?”
I stop laughing and stare at my son. He’ll never know the magnitude of his question. “I’d love to, EJ. What kind are we throwing?”
He shrugs. “I hab football, baseball and baketball.”
I fight the urge to rejoice and pull him into my arms. I don’t want to scare him so I just nod and feel the immediate loss of him when he climbs off my lap.
“Come on, Eban.”
Boy, doesn’t he know I’d follow him anywhere for these little bits of time? I stand and quickly follow him outside. When I pass Ryley she’s smiling, and I can’t resist the urge to kiss her. So I do.
“I love you. Thank you for him,” I whisper into her before heading out back to throw the ball around with my son.