MY BEDROOM LIGHT IS OFF, and I crack open the door so I can hear what’s going on downstairs. I keep my hand over my mouth so I don’t make a sound. EJ is sound asleep in my bed, spread out and taking up as much space as possible. My eyes close when I hear Evan’s gun cock. I don’t know who’s outside, but I feel sorry for them. My father has always said never come between a man and his family because you’ll never win.
Footsteps on the stairs and down the hall cause me to move away from the door. I stand, with my back facing EJ. My legs are spread at equal width and my arms are raised. The Glock is at my ready and aimed at my door.
“Ryley,” Evan opens my door slowly, his hand coming in first before he pushes the door open. He stands in the doorway with his hands up, his gun in his waistband. “You can put your gun down.” Tears fill my eyes as he moves closer. By the time he places his hand on the top of my gun. I’m shaking.
“Come on, babe, lower your gun.” He pushes it down gently. “I know you’re scared and I am too, but I can guarantee you no one will ever hurt you or EJ.”
“Wh—what’s going on?”
Evan takes the gun from my hand and disarms it, setting it back in my drawer. “Livvie is downstairs. My mom kicked her out and she needs a place to stay. She said she would’ve called, but I don’t have a phone and you guys aren’t friendly.”
I sit on the edge of my bed and clutch at my legs. “I don’t like this, Evan. I don’t want to panic every time someone comes knocking on the door.”
Evan sits down next to me and wraps his arm around me. “This is my fault; I got you worked up. Everything you said earlier just got to me. I don’t like what has happened to us, and I hate that I have no control over it.”
I lean into Evan and try to relax. My body feels heavy and it’s so odd to think of how fast your adrenaline starts to pump when fear sets in. I don’t know what I was afraid of. I know Evan isn’t going to let anything happen to us. But the thought that someone might be in our home and a danger to us really gets to me.
“Why don’t you try and get some sleep? I’m going to go back downstairs and sit with Livvie.” I peer up at Evan, who meets my gaze immediately. I see it. I see it all in his eyes. The love he has for EJ, me and us. I initiate the kiss even though I shouldn’t. I know I’m going to hell and that karma is going to come back to bite me in the ass, but I need to feel him against me even if it’s just his lips.
He kisses me back, slowly. His lips are soft as they move against mine. “You’re my life,” Evan whispers against my mouth, and I know this is true. I know we can be together if I just allow it.
Nate…
He needs to come home. He and Evan need to sit down and figure this out. We need to be a family and figure out why this is happening to us.
“I used to think I had a pretty amazing life. From the outside I had everything others wanted. I had a wonderful family, and I still do. I had a committed boyfriend who I had a future with. I was doing well in college and on my way to having a career that I could move around when my boyfriend needed to move. Then one day, the rug gets pulled out from under me, and I’m flat on my ass. My family is still wonderful, but they’re walking on eggshells around me. My committed boyfriend, who promised to come home, did, but in a wooden box all the while leaving me with the best gift possible, our son.”
“Where are you going with this Ryley?”
I shake my head, not sure where this is heading. “I don’t know, Evan. Tonight, everything just seems…“ I stand and start pacing to get the blood flowing again. “I love your brother and I know you don’t want to hear me say those words, but I do. I always have. But not like I love you. The love I have for you is all consuming. Every fiber of my being tingles when I’m near you, and that’s something I can’t deny.
“The day we met, I thought you were my knight in shining armor even though I didn’t need saving. Being the new girl at school was something I was used to. What I wasn’t used to was you and all the feelings you were bringing out in me so quickly. That first night, I tried to call you. I couldn’t bring myself to dial the last number. I fell asleep with my stupid pink phone in my hand and anxiety in my heart because I felt my one shot at true love slipping away.
“I guess what I’m saying, Evan, is that I’m not going to marry Nate.” My eyes focus on his, as his smile grows wide. I shake my head. “I’m not going to marry you either.”
“What?” he chokes out as his face reddens.
“We’re not ready. We’ve been apart for six years and I’ve changed. You need to know who I am now, and not live in the past. You need time to get to know your son and be a presence in his life. Nate isn’t going to go away and you need to accept that and accept that he and EJ have a relationship. I’m not going to take that away from EJ.”
“I’d never ask that of EJ, or of you. It pains me to say that, Ryley.” He stands and takes the few steps to where I’m standing. He pulls my arms around his waist and places his hands on the side of my face. His hands are soft and warm. “I’ve waited a god-damn long time to be with you again and if I have to wait a little bit more, so be it. As long as you want to be with me, I’ll be here waiting.”
“Will you move back home?” I ask, abruptly. “I want you here. You need to be here with EJ and be a part of our routine.”
“This is where I want to be, Ry. Everything I need is here in this house. I promise not to pressure you into anything. I’ll be patient and wait even though I’m nursing the mother of all blue balls cases. I really think they’re about to explode.”
He’s so dramatic, but he makes me laugh. I can’t contain my laughter and end up snorting. “Oh god,” I say, covering my mouth and nose. “I can’t believe I just did that.”
“Just face it. I bring out the best in you.”
Nodding. “You do, and I love you for it.”
Evan leans down and kisses me briefly. “I think I need to stop doing that if I’m going to be a good boy.”
A good boy? I’m not sure Evan Archer has even been considered a good boy since he turned five. “I don’t mind a few kisses here and there, but what happened in the car yesterday can’t happen again.”
“But… that was so fun,” he whines. I shake my head and step away from him. EJ is still sprawled out on my bed, but his eyes are open. I lay down next him and snuggle into his neck.
“No, momma,” he whines just like his dad. EJ rubs his face and pretends to go back to sleep but his eyes are blinking so fast I know he’s awake.
The bed dips and Evan slides next to EJ. Evan rests on his elbow and stares from EJ to me, back and forth.
“He’s so beautiful, Ryley. Someone is going to pay for what they’ve done to us,” he says quietly.
“I know, Evan. I want them to as well.”
Evan reaches for my hand, pulling me close to EJ while he brings my hand to his chest, tucking it under his arm. We cocoon EJ and this is one of those moments that I’ve waited for, for a very long time.