WATCHING PERFECTION
WAKING UP IN San Diego was less disorienting than Celeste would have imagined. That may have been because she was in Justin’s arms, he on his back and she with her body in the crook of his arm and her head on his chest. She felt whole and at home. It was odd, however, that she felt so physically comfortable with someone she wasn’t able to see on a regular basis. But she did. And she wouldn’t question it now because who knew how many times she would have this opportunity.
She glanced at the clock to see that it was just after eight. He had not moved from her all night, but was now under the covers, still close to her, with his legs entwined with hers. Celeste eased down the covers and slipped into the bathroom to brush her teeth. This may be the first time that she was waking up next to a boy, but she had common sense. When she had freshened up and run her fingers through her hair, she returned to her spot in bed and in Justin’s hold.
She placed her hand on his chest. In the early morning light, she watched the way her hand moved with his breathing. It was watching perfection. Her hand slowly moved over his shirt, up to his shoulder, down his arm as she explored the shape of his body while he slept. Celeste slid her hand down to his waist, accidentally catching the hem of his shirt. Then her hand was on his stomach, his skin hot and wet.
Never had she felt this way. She had to laugh at herself; this was by far the most intimate moment of her life, and the other person wasn’t even conscious. She hoped this wasn’t creepy, but touching him, feeling his body under her hand… Well, she didn’t know exactly what she wanted, but she wanted something. And she was scared out of her mind about what she might want. But nonetheless, she let her fingers inch up under his shirt a bit more. Justin sighed in his sleep and rolled to lie facing her, and she eased her palm over his waist to his lower back. His workouts must be more frequent than he let on, she decided, because she could feel how toned he was, the dip of his spine surrounded by muscle. She’d known he wasn’t so muscular that he was bulky, but it was only now that she felt how defined his body was.
Oh God, what was she doing?
Justin stirred, smiling even before his eyes were open. “Well, hello. This person reaching up my shirt better be who I think it is, or I’m gonna freak out.”
Celeste pulled her hand away quickly. “Sorry.”
“Oh good, it is you,” he murmured. “Why is there stopping? Why is there no more hand being all cute and awesome?”
“Because you woke up.”
He considered this for a moment. “You can’t touch me when I’m awake?”
“I’m nervous.”
“About what?”
“What I’ll do. What you might do.”
“You don’t have to be nervous. Nothing’s going to get out of control.”
“It isn’t?”
“No. I’m not going to let anything happen.”
“Oh.”
He opened his sleepy eyes. “Not because I don’t want anything to happen, because believe me I am a perfectly horny college boy. But I’m assuming that since I was your first kiss, every step will be a first. And firsts are important. Or they should be. So we go step by step when each feels right. We don’t just jump down a staircase. Or jump up it. Whatever. My metaphor sucks. I’m not awake yet. The point is that I’m not about to rush ahead, and neither are you.”
“In that case, good morning.” She returned her hand to his back and moved her fingers over his skin.
“I can’t not taste you any longer.” Without saying anything else, he lifted his shoulders from the bed and leaned over her. His mouth grazed over her neck, the tip of his tongue running over her as he kissed slowly down to the top hem of her shirt. Her totally unsexy, geeky Hadron shirt, of all things! Celeste was going to kill Matt. He’d better improve his gift-giving skills by next Christmas.
Matt. She’d forgotten about him. The bedroom door was open. He had to be sleeping still, right?
She lifted her chin as Justin moved his kisses up one side of her throat and over to the other side. There was this one particular spot, she discovered, just below and behind her ear where she really, really quite liked having his mouth. That spot, the way he lightly sucked her skin, made her body tremble. She would have been disappointed when he stopped, except that his lips were then on hers, his chest barely touching hers as he held himself over her.
When he’d kissed her as deeply as he had assured her he would during last night’s texting, and when the outside world had all but disappeared, he stopped and rubbed his nose against hers. “We need coffee. We have a big day.”
Celeste liked coffee as much as the next person, but it was significantly less enticing than what they were already doing.
“Yes. Coffee is important,” she said halfheartedly.
“Don’t sound so sad.” He kissed her cheek and rested his mouth by her ear. “Believe me, I’d like to do this all day, but your protective brother is next door, and I want to keep both of my eyeballs. Besides, I want to show you the city.”
She nodded, trying to regain control of herself. Justin was right. They needed to get out of here.
“Hey, Celeste?”
“Hey, Justin?”
He continued to whisper in her ear, hiding his face from her. His breath and the sound of his voice were driving her wonderfully crazy. “Are you okay with what I said last night? When you were on the plane?”
She smiled. “Were you okay with what I said?”
“I asked you first, silly, but I was damn thrilled with what you said.”
“I was very much okay with what you said.”
“It’s all right if you want to change your mind. You might have felt pressured. I mean, not the cabin pressure, although that could have messed with your ears and made you dizzy and unable to think clearly. Have your ears popped yet? Did you know about popping ears? But, you know, if you felt emotionally pressured because I said something that—”
“Justin?”
“Yeah?”
“I did not feel pressure, cabin related or otherwise.”
“Good.”
It was another fifteen minutes before Justin insisted that they really had to get out of that room because he could feel one of his eyes developing a stabbing pain at the thought of Matt waking up.
“I want to take you to Barton, so you can see where I go to school. We can have lunch there and hang out. You cool with that? Is that all right? Do you want to wake up Matt?”
“Yes, I shall check on Matthew.”
“I’ll jump in the shower real quick. We can stop by my room so I can change, too.”
Celeste remembered her unsuitable packing job. “I may need to borrow a sweatshirt or something. I’m not sure what I have.”
“I would be more than happy to see you in one of my shirts.” Justin crawled out of bed, looking so dashingly sexy with his messy hair and rumpled clothing that Celeste actually checked to see if she was drooling. She didn’t know if that was just an expression or true physiological reaction that one could have when enamored, so she had to be sure. So far, so good.
Celeste had to stop herself from following her boyfriend into the shower. That was a crazy idea, of course. She wasn’t near ready for anything close to that, and yet there was a distinct pull for more contact with him. She took a deep breath and opened the curtains, trying to distract herself from the utter hotness that was now probably totally naked and lathering himself up with expensive hotel body soap—
She really had to stop this. Being flooded with outrageous sex-crazed thoughts was completely out of character. Of course, she’d never had a boyfriend before, or really even much of a crush, so reasonably, this was not abnormal. Just abnormal for her.
She stared out of the window. Okay, the view was extraordinary. Totally blue skies and full sunshine. As much as the whole idea of making out with Justin all day had sounded pretty fantastic, she simply had to get out to see this lush city. She found another pair of shorts, and tossed those on with a non-geeky layered, flowy cream tank top. It seemed that her drunken packing had not been entirely terrible. Her hair was unmanageable after having slept on it wet, so she yanked it into a high ponytail.
Matt’s door was shut, so she opened it just a crack to peek in. He was definitely still asleep. She checked the mini fridge and then left him a note pointing out that there was cold bottled water for him. When she opened the living room curtains, her need to get out into the city skyrocketed. She banged on the bathroom door. “Justin! I want to see the ocean! Can we see the ocean?” she said with excitement. “It’s sunny and wonderful outside. We must go!”
She heard him laugh. “Anything you want, love.” The shower turned off.
Celeste turned her back to the door and slumped to the floor. He called her love. What was happening? This was so much good, so much romantic, and so much categorically outside of how her life had been thus far. There was also the nakedness happening close by. That was out of the ordinary for sure. He was entirely unclothed behind that door! She had to stop herself from squealing. That would be undignified. One should be composed even in proximity of such a gorgeous showering boyfriend.
Her mind drifted. What he’d said about going step by step, she liked. He was right. That was important to think about, and it wasn’t a decision to make in the heat of the moment. The fact was that she was an eighteen-year-old young woman, and she knew it was perfectly normal to have such physical attractions. It was allowed; it was healthy. And she was responsible. It was good, though, that Justin was responsible too. He was so caring, so respectful, and so stunningly thoughtful. It only made her feelings more intense. Celeste closed her eyes, imagining what might be the next step, what she wanted, what would keep her comfortable…
Suddenly she fell back onto the tile as Justin opened the door, clothed, but dripping water from his hair. She looked up at him. “Hello.”
“Hello,” he said grinning as he knelt down over her, his head upside down to hers. “Whatcha doing?”
She reached up and took his face in her hands and pulled him in, sinking her tongue into his mouth with more assertiveness than she knew she had. When she was done, she continued holding him and said, “I want to see Barton. And I want to see the beach. And I want coffee. And more palm trees and sunshine. And most of all, more you. More kissing.”
“I can give you all of those. Promise. You ready?”
“I have a fear, though.”
“What’s that?”
She hesitated, but being truthful with Justin always made her feel better. “Will we be speaking with other students? With your friends?”
“I don’t know. Maybe. I’m not sure who’s around today.” He paused. “Why?”
“You know that I have difficulty in social situations.” Her voice nearly disappeared. “I do not want to embarrass you.”
He kissed her again. “Stop that.”
“It is a legitimate concern.”
“The only legitimate concern I have is that you will be appalled by the unhygienic state of my dorm room. Now, come on up.” He grabbed her hands and pulled her up to a stand. “No Matt?” he asked.
She shook her head. “No Matt. I have hope he might contact us later and join in our adventures. Er, well, not all of them.”
“Yeah. Agreed.”
When they were finally in the car, Justin handed her one of the to-go cappuccinos he’d bought. She took off the top to sip the foam, but stopped. It was the most beautiful cappuccino any girl had ever received, because a perfectly symmetric heart was floating in the foam.
“Of all the foam coffees you have presented me with, I do believe it is fair to say that this is my favorite.”
“Usually I cheat because I draw with syrup, so I hired a pro for the important one. I have no idea how they make pictures out of foam like that, but as an architecture student I’m annoyed with myself that I can’t do it. I should be able to build foam sculptures for you. Anyway… You like?”
“I like.” She placed a hand on his cheek, running a finger over his lips for a bit. “I like very much.” She leaned over from her seat and kissed him. It was all too easy to get used to being able to touch him. To watch him. To simply be in his presence and the power that was Justin.
He revved the engine and took them toward the Barton campus.
As they drove down a road that ran beside the ocean, Celeste’s phone rang.
“Hello, Julie! Guess where I am? You will not believe it.”
“You’re in San Diego. I got your message.”
Celeste’s heart nearly stopped. Immediately, she knew what had happened. What she’d done. The message intended for Justin had instead gone to Julie. Their names were right by each other on her favorites speed-dial list. “Yes. My message.”
“I’m dying to see you! I can drive down and get there for lunch and stuff tomorrow afternoon. Is that good?”
No, this was not good at all. This was a nightmare.
Or was it?
“Yes, that would be delightful. Justin and I shall pick you up, so simply let me know of your arrival time, and we will have lunch. The three of us. Justin, you, and me. A trio. Just a small group.”
“Is everything okay?”
“Everything is violently perfect! Why would you ask?”
“Violently perfect? That’s an odd word choice…”
“I am in the car and about to experience a full day in a new city, so I feel that I deserve to use whatever words strike my fancy at a moment’s notice. I am feeling whimsical and robust.”
“Whimsical? Robust? Celeste, what is going on?”
“Sexual tension levels are at an all-time high, and there are linguistic repercussions!” she shouted.
“Oh my God.”
“Text me later. Can’t wait to see you!” Celeste hung up. That hadn’t exactly gone smoothly. And she couldn’t even look at Justin.
“So,” he said and made a big production of clearing his throat. “What was that you said about sexual tension?”
She put a hand over her face. “Perhaps we could skip over some of what you heard?”
He playfully pulled her hand from her face. “I like the sexual tension discussion! More of that! This deserves details!”
Celeste busied herself with retying her ponytail. “I got nervous and didn’t know what to say. I have some thinking to do in that area.”
“Really? Then you think and report back in later. Although not in essay fashion. I hate reports in general, but essays are so sterile and boring. How about with a pie chart? Or a diorama? Dioramas are fun. You could include little action figures. Although that might be creepy. I think my parents were very disappointed that I didn’t like action figures, I have to tell you. They have a collection of vintage superhero ones still in the boxes, but I was more about trains and building blocks. They hated Legos, probably because I left them all over the house, and one time Luka stepped on one and when he was screaming and hopping on one leg, he fell and landed on more and had Lego indents on his face for a few days. Oh, I missed my exit. Hold on.”
Celeste put a hand on his and then rubbed his forearm. She loved his meandering talk.
“Sorry, what were we saying? Julie called, that’s right. What’s up with her?”
“It seems that I called her instead of you last night and invited her to come down from Los Angeles to see me.”
“Oops. Isn’t that going to be weird with Matt here?”
“Extremely.” She was working over a plan in her head. “Although I am choosing to see this as a sign. It is my belief that Matthew and Julie still love each other very much. If we get them together over lunch, then I feel sure they can recapture their former romance. Or, rather, see that it is still there. Wouldn’t that be exciting?”
“Oh God, Celeste, this sounds very sketchy to me.”
“What do you mean by sketchy?”
“Like, that it’s not well thought out. Many areas for highly problematic angles and such. Unlikely to end well.”
“That is not very romantic of you. You should adopt a more positive attitude. We should show them they must fight for their love. Fight for all loves destroyed by the hazards of distance. They have something that is worth saving, and I know their connection remains after all this time. This could be very exciting!”
“You think they’ll see each other and the stars will align?”
“I do. Yes.” Celeste was pleased about the mix-up. It clearly did indicate some sort of aligning of the stars. She must have accidentally left a message for Julie for a good reason, and here it was. Matthew had seemed so down for so long, and she was about to fix that by reuniting him with his true love. It was all very romantic! “Can you suggest a waterside restaurant for lunch? I think that would be picturesque.”
“You bet. Tell her to meet us at Island Prime. You guys will love it.” Justin turned the car to the right. “Up ahead. That’s Barton.”
Together, they spent hours covering the campus. She saw Justin’s dorm room, which admittedly gave her pause as she was reminded of the impending roommate situation that she would face next year. Still, it was nice to see where Justin lived and where he was during many of their phone conversations. Now she would be able to picture him in his environment. His room wasn’t nearly as unsanitary as he’d led her to believe, so that was a treat. She leafed through his architecture books and saw some sketches he was working on, thoroughly impressed with his attention to detail and his creative side. She briefly met his roommate (during which time nothing vile occurred) and was then given a very thorough tour of the campus. It was beautiful, more beautiful even than in the brochure or online photographs. Mesmerizing, really. Brick and stucco and archways. Palm trees and flowers abounded. Justin didn’t complain once as she explored every inch of the library, nor did he mind taking her through each department building, even introducing her to a few professors who were working over the weekend. Justin bought them lunch at the student union and insisted on getting her a Barton College T-shirt, and she immediately pulled it over her tank top.
“You look good in my school colors.” He tugged on the navy shirt that had the school name in a pale green. “But you’d look good in any colors.”
It was late afternoon now, and they’d found a grassy spot on a hill that overlooked an area where students were gathered in groups, reading or studying or just talking. She saw laughter; she saw friends. She saw life.
Justin was leaning back on his arms, taking in the scene as she was.
“You are quieter than usual,” she said. “Are you troubled?”
“The opposite.” A warm wind blew over them, and he lifted his face into the breeze. “I feel better than I have in a while. I told you: you ground me. Being with you lets me pull myself together more.”
Celeste lay down, resting her head on his legs, and Justin stroked her hair. They stayed like that for a long time, relishing every minute in the warmth of their togetherness. According to Matt’s texts and pictures, he was busy at the hotel, soaking up sunshine by the pool and snacking on nearly every menu item, and he seemed happy. Or as happy as Matt got these days. He’d spoken to their parents and told some egregious lie about a trip to the Museum of Natural History followed by Indian food.
She would have stayed like this, in this glorious moment with Justin, for the rest of the afternoon if she could. However, they were interrupted by a group of students, all chatting at once and clamoring for Justin’s attention.
Justin eased her to sitting. “Celeste, this is Michelle,” he said excitedly.
Ah, Michelle from the Christmastime text mix-up.
“It’s so nice to meet you!” Michelle’s dark waves fell over her face as she reached out a hand. “Justin didn’t tell us you were coming. How cool!” She introduced Celeste to the other students with her and then plopped down on the grass. “So this is perfect. Maybe you can help us out with something?”
“I should be happy to assist you if possible.” Celeste was excruciatingly nervous all of a sudden.
“We’re doing this play, and one of our girls is down with food poisoning. Don’t worry, it wasn’t from campus food. Anyway,” she said as she pulled out a binder from her bag, “we’re supposed to rehearse this huge scene, and we need a female actress. Any chance we could get you to run lines with us for a bit?”
“Run lines means that I read your friend’s role?” Celeste asked.
“Yeah, exactly.”
Celeste looked to Justin, and he gave her an encouraging look. “We’ve got time before we head to Sunset Cliffs. Go ahead.”
“You really don’t want me for this. I have never done any acting before. I may not be helpful in this situation.” Celeste protested.
“Please! You’ll be great. And you don’t have to memorize anything. Just read the lines and we’ll work around you, okay? I promise that there’s nothing to be nervous about.”
Celeste nodded and took the binder that Michelle offered to her. She read the title and brightened. “Oh! The Importance of Being Earnest!” She looked at the people surrounding her now. “This is a delightful play. Gwendylon believes she can only fall in love with a man named Ernest, and quite the hilarity ensues when a man named Jack… Well, of course you know all of that. But I certainly admire this piece.”
“Awesome! We need you to play Cecily.”
“I am terribly sorry to hear that your Cecily has food poisoning, but I am most certainly a fan of this character. How wonderful.” Celeste could still feel her hands shaking, but she knew this play. Adored it, really. She could likely take on Cecily’s lines without even looking at the pages.
The cast initially stayed on their spots in the grass, reading from the script, but by the end of the hour, all were staged in front of Justin as they ran lines and moved as their characters would. Celeste got lost, fascinated by the way these acting students changed into character so quickly, how they dropped their roles when one made a goof, and how they moved their bodies and expressions for different scenes. Although she felt rather stiff and hesitant, she made an effort to add her own touch of flair to a few of Cecily’s lines, even eliciting some good laughter from the others.
A boy named Ronnie patted her on the back as they wound down. “You’re really good. I can’t believe you haven’t acted before.”
“Me?”
“Yes. You’re great. You should think about theatre. Where are you going to school next year?”
Justin was at her side then. “The poor girl has to choose between Harvard, Yale, Princeton… Oh, the endless list of pathetic schools goes on and on…”
She swatted him with a hand. “I have not decided yet.”
“Well, any of those will have a great acting program. You might like it.” He lifted a knapsack over his shoulder. “Glad to finally meet the famous Celeste.”
She shook hands or waved to everyone as the group disassembled. While Justin was talking to someone else, Michelle huddled in close. “Justin is damn crazy about you. I hope you know that. It’s so good to see him this happy.”
Celeste didn’t know what to say.
“Really. It’s not like he was a depressed mess before you, but… I don’t know.” She shrugged. “He’s in a good place. He’s got… light. If that makes any sense.”
“It does.” Celeste smiled at Michelle. “Justin gives me light, too.”
“I’m glad. Listen, I’ve got to run, but I’m going to get your number from Justin. His birthday is coming up in May, and my boyfriend, Kevin, is trying to figure out what to do. Maybe you’ll have some ideas.”
“Kevin is Justin’s roommate, correct?”
“You got it. And he’s hoooooooot!” Michelle sang out.
Celeste laughed. “I would be happy to advise you on a birthday celebration, although you may know better what is appropriate for college festivities.”
“Eh, you never know. Besides, the girlfriends of roommates should be in touch anyway, don’t you think?”
“Oh. Yes. I like that idea,” Celeste agreed. “I will make sure Justin gives you my contact information.” She paused. “Thank you for including me in your acting work today. It was most unexpected.”
“Cool. You rocked it, and I’m glad you had fun. Catch you later.” Michelle surprised her with a quick hug before she took off.
Justin said, “Matt just texted me again. He’s still by the pool reading a book called God Created the Integers and said we should go to dinner without him. He also sent a picture of a dirty martini, so I’m thinking there’s a hair-of-the-dog situation going on. Frankly, I might need a drink if I tried to read that book, too, but the point is that he sounded content and relaxed. Ready to go watch a corny sunset with your boyfriend? We should hustle if we want to catch it. Sun sets at five forty-three. I checked. It’s so awesome how you can find anything online, right? Like, we could find out about the world’s most giant lobster right now. Or watch a video on how to change the water filter in a fridge. Or learn how they make those weird gel thingies in running shoes. Or—Hey, are you with me? Oh, I’ve done it. I finally lost you because I’m impossible to follow.”
Celeste was transfixed on the campus before her. The buildings, the softening sunlight, the noise of students as they flowed over the lawn.
“Celeste?”
“Yes? Did you need to change a filter? Or find a lobster?” she asked with a glazed look.
“You okay?”
“Yes.” She watched someone send a Frisbee sailing through the air. Perhaps Frisbee was not to be as lamented as she thought. She slipped her hand into his. “I am ready for our sunset.”