chapter Eight
Ava
Peter stays in my bed again, so I guess you could say that we slept together, even though he doesn't technically sleep. I'd broken one of Dad's rules just hours after promising not to. Go me. Still, it was nice to wake up in the morning see him there, still reading.
“Did you sleep well?” Not really. I had the stupid burning dream again. I need to ask Tex about that book. I wonder if there's anything in there about getting rid of dreams. If that's possible.
“Yeah.” I think he can tell when I'm lying, but he knows I have a good reason, or he just doesn't care and lets it go. I love that about him. It's insane that I can let him literally suck the life out of me, and love him while he's doing it. But in a way, all relationships do that. They take from you.
My wrist hurts like hell, as if someone's been sawing through it. Well, not really sawing. More like chewing. Ew. It wasn't like that. If you didn't know what he was doing, you'd think he was kissing my wrist. Just a hickey. Only with teeth.
The blood is a small price to pay for all that I get from him. He may not be able to love me, but he can do a whole lot of other things. I've experienced more love from Peter, even if he doesn't call it that, than most people get. I'm lucky, honestly.
“I must go.” He's doing that distance-gazing thing, as if he's reaching for something he can't have. Peter may not be able to smile, but he does longing really well. “Viktor is waiting for me.”
“How do you know?”
“He told me.”
“What?” Peter points out the window. Slowly I get to my feet and peer out the curtain. Oh hey, Viktor's down there. I wave to him. He doesn't wave back.
“I'll miss you,” I say, looking down at my wrist, at the mark he'd left on me.
Something makes me look up. He's smiling. It's a good one, too. It splits his face and makes these dimples appear around his lips and really, really makes me want to kiss him. Like, throw myself on him and kiss him and have him kiss me back and put his hands...
I shake my head. His smile fades.
“How was that?”
Perfect.
“Good. Keep working on it.” I feel like I should give him a cookie or something for making such a good smile.
“What happens after I conquer the smile?”
“We'll graduate to laughing. I'll have a ceremony and you can wear a mortarboard and toss it into the air.” He looks confused, which ends up making me laugh.
“You didn't have graduations back in the day?”
“Yes, we did. But you only got a mortarboard for college graduation. I was a junior when I died.” It always throws me off when Peter talks about his human life. Like he's talking about a different person he used to know. It both fascinates me and makes me feel really young and inexperienced. Also unworthy.
“Well, we'll have to make up for that.” I really need to get ready. All this chat time with Peter is going to make me late. Since he entered my life, I'm almost always late.
“I must go,” he says again.
“I know. Will you be back tonight? I've got my date with Jamie, but I'll be home before nine.” I have reservations about him being far away, but I don't want to be a needy girlfriend, so I keep them to myself.
“Yes. I will be here when you get home. But I may have to go farther away than I have.”
“Do what you have to do. I'll survive.” Barely.
“I know you will. I hate to leave you.” Not as much as I do.
“Well, the sooner you go, the sooner you'll get back.” He stands next to me at the window. I want to hug him or something, but don't. I almost fall off my feet when he kisses me. His lips are not on mine one minute, and then they are. An ambush kiss. I'm so startled, I don't do anything for a few seconds. Maybe more than seconds.
Then I'm kissing him back, reaching my arms around his neck. He puts one hand on each side of my face and pulls my head back so I'm looking right into his eyes. He doesn't even have to pull me in. I'm already there.
“What was that for?” I don't need to mention it's the first time he's kissed me. Usually I'm the one making the move. He lets me, but that's not the point. I'm always the one leaning in.
“I wanted to take the taste of your lips with me.” Oh swoon. He's been saying increasingly more swoony things lately. It totally makes up for the blood-taking.
I give him one more kiss.
“There.” I bless my stars that I brushed my teeth before he decided to do this.
“Goodbye, Ava-Claire.”
“Goodbye, Peter. I'll see you tonight.” He blinks in the affirmative, slides out the window and falls to the ground. Of course he lands like a circus acrobat. I hear Dad's car pulling out of the driveway. Good thing he's leaving.
I feel the pull as he leaves, and it gets worse as the minutes tick by. He said he might be going far, but he didn't say how far. We've never really been farther apart than a couple of miles. I feel bad about him being chained to me, but it's not really something either of us can help.
I still feel our connection, but it's like there's static on the line. The feelings aren't as clear, and they go in and out. It worries me, but I know Peter is safe with Viktor.
I'm getting ready for school when a dull pain starts somewhere near my heart. Great. I have actual heart burn. What the hell. I try to ignore it and put my jeans on.
The pain gets worse, and I take several pain pills with my breakfast in hopes that they will help, even though I know they won't. This kind of pain can't be cured by pills.
My mother is up, surprisingly, and putting dirty laundry in the washer. She must have waited until Dad left. Sneaky.
“Are you sure you should be doing that?”
“Someone has to.” Her arms look longer because they're so thin. I look away, seized by another shot of pain. It's getting sharper, knifing into my chest.
“I have to go, I'm going to be super late.” Tardy passed ten minutes ago.
“Want to play hooky?” I turn back around, trying not to show the strain on my face.
“Are you serious?” Can she read my mind now?
She throws a pair of socks into the washer like basketballs. My, don't we have the energy this morning. “I got stuff for pies. You need to learn how to make pie crust. I forgot to put that one on the list.”
“Wait, you're adding to the list now?” I have to lean against the machine and I grit my teeth.
“Well, when I think of things.” She shoves more things in the washer. It's going to take at least four loads to get it done. I'm not a huge fan of laundry. Dad isn't really, either. That's going to have to change.
“I don't have anything I can't miss.” Shh, it's a secret. I can still go out with Jamie tonight. Of all my bases that need to be covered, attending school isn't one of the important ones.
“Great, I'll call the school.” She chucks the rest of her armload in the washer and goes to call. I throw the detergent in and turn the washer on.
She comes back, throwing her arms around me. “All set.” I hug her, so grateful that she somehow knew I needed a mental health day. Mom and I have tea and sit in the morning sun that floods the dining room. I wish I could enjoy it.
As the minutes tick by, the pain in my heart region starts to get worse. More stabby. Yeah, I definitely couldn't get through a day at school. I text Tex and Jamie, telling them I'm not feeling well. Tex offers to skip school and bring me soup. I tell her nice try and that my mother is taking care of it. She does call me out of work, which I beg her not to. But Texas Sarsaparilla Anne Hamilton doesn't take no for an answer.
Jamie also offers to come over and bring my homework, which I do take him up on. My sweet Jamie. He'd be late for track practice, but he wouldn't care. Coach wouldn't either, because Jamie was his golden boy. He was everyone's golden boy. He also offers to postpone our date, but I say no.
“I feel like I haven't really seen you in a couple days.” She smacks a kiss on my forehead. “I had a chat with your father about Peter. I think I got him out of having dinner with us, but he'll have to come over some night this week after and bring coffee or something. Can he drink coffee?”
“I don't think so.” She waves it off.
“No matter. It'll work out.” She sounds almost like Peter. A jolt of agony goes through me and I grab at my chest, like I'm trying to pull the knife of pain out of me.
“Are you okay? What happened?”
“Nothing, I'm fine.” She looks at my face and sees that I'm not.
Peter
I expect the pain, but the sharp brightness of it startles me. It begins slow, and builds until it is so keen I can't see, hear, smell, taste, feel anything else.
I stop running for a moment. “What is wrong?”
“It is hard to be away from her.” My voice is strained in a way it has never been since becoming a noctalis.
“I have heard that can happen. I have not experienced it myself.”
I nearly stumble from the pain, but clench my teeth and keep running. This has to be done. I have to find another way for her to be free. Even if it causes some pain.
Viktor stares at me. “You are in pain without her.”
“Yes.”
“I understand.” I know he does. Perhaps not the physical pain, but he does understand what it is like to lose someone as a noctalis.
He stays silent for a while, thinking. I do not need mind-reading abilities to know who he is thinking about.
Her name was Adele and he had met her on a brief trip we had taken to Paris. She was sixteen when she was turned into a noctalis, but looked much younger. Everything about her was small and delicate, down to her tiny nose. He took her to the top of the Eiffel Tower and that was it. They hunted together in the slums of Paris for several months and I stayed with them a few times. Adele was lovely and bubbly and Viktor smiled when he was around her. We made a family. At least for a little while.
One day we were running and Adele collapsed to the ground. Viktor dropped down next to her, asking what was wrong. And she crumbled to ash, leaving her clothes empty.
I will never forget the sound he made. It would be similar to the one I would make if I lost Ava. Part of me can still hear it. Viktor had gone back to Russia after that and would only feed when desperation became too much. He had only ventured out when I needed him a few weeks ago.
“Do you miss your cabin?”
“I have had many years of solitude. It was time for me to end it.”
“Where is he?” So far we are just coming into the border between Maine and New Hampshire.
“Florida.” Florida. That is a long way away. I had never thought of places in terms of distance before. I could fly anywhere, so distance did not matter. But being tied to Ava, it does.
The pain is already bad. I don't know if I can make it. But I will try. The taste of Ava is still on my lips.
Viktor and I are mostly silent. He changes into his noctalis form, and I have to push to keep up with him. If I could fly, there would be no contest.
When we pass Pennsylvania, I have to stop for a moment.
“You should have brought her. I did not know it would be this difficult.”
“Nor did I.” I shake my head, trying to rid myself of the pain. I am so cold, if I could shiver, I would. I hope she is not in as much pain. I try to get a vibe, as she calls it, but there is nothing. My thoughts and emotions are my own. It is a cold and quiet feeling.
“We must go.” So we do. I have to stop again in Georgia. I can barely run, so Viktor slows down to match my pace. The heat is thick on my tongue. I imagine it tastes like Ava's blood.
We have to dart in and out of roadways. I prefer the rural setting of Maine. It takes much less time to get anywhere because of all the free running space. Although the architecture is lovely to look at. I cannot focus on anything but moving one foot in front of the other. One more step, one more step, one more step. And then I can take no more steps.
A jolt of pain tears through me. It is too much. Too terrible. Too great. My body cannot take being without her for one more second. I will end.
I fall to the ground, screaming, the sound shattering my ears.