I gasped for breath, and had to use my bike’s saddle for balance when I thought my legs would give out at the memory. I didn’t want to give in to the memory. I didn’t want to go back there. I didn’t want to see his fucking face in my mind. But what I wanted didn’t mean shit. Because he was always there. He always came for me. He never left me the fuck alone.
The roar of another Harley’s engine sounded behind me and I dropped my raised hands. I knew it was AK and Viking without even looking back. And they’d try to stop me. I knew they would, because they didn’t understand what would happen behind those wooden doors where no one else could see.
Pushing myself to stand, I stared up at the church again. Forcing my legs to move, I walked forward to the bottom of the steep steps. But I couldn’t go any further. I tried to force my feet to move, to make that first fucking step, but they didn’t. They wouldn’t. My * ass was too fucking afraid of facing what was behind those doors.
Lowering my head, I hit at my skull with the bottom of my palm. “Move!” I ordered myself. “Fucking move, you *!”
Unable to climb the steps, I began to pace the sidewalk. I walked back and forth, back and forth, my head becoming too full. Fucked up images in my mind. Warnings in my brain.
“They’ll hurt Maddie. They’re hurting Maddie,” I told myself. And the flames burned hotter in my veins.
I fought for air as I paced faster and pictured Maddie’s face again.
One way or another, I was getting her the fuck out.
Chapter Two
Maddie
For hours, I had been sitting tucked into the shadows, hidden behind the large white marble statue of Jesus.
I could not take being at the compound any longer, even though it was Lilah and Ky’s wedding day. I could not stand one more second of being trapped in that bedroom, staring out of the window, praying desperately for Flame to step out from the line of trees.
But he never did.
Closing my eyes, I pictured him diving in front of that bullet to save my life. Then all I could see was blood.
Allowing my eyes to reopen, my head fell against the legs of the statue and my hand gripped over the empty ache in my chest. Instantly, my mind filled with him—dark eyes, dark short beard, slightly crooked nose and his huge tattooed body standing protectively under my window, blades in his hands.
I lost focus, staring at the hardwood floor of the church, but I lifted my head when my favorite sound began to play. The strings of a guitar echoed off the high walls. Then the soft keys of the piano joined the magical sound of the hymn that always made me smile. My hands began to slowly relax, and my body began to gently rock in time to the beat.
From where I sat, I could not see the choir, but I could hear them. It was why I came to Church. It was not for the religion, but for this madrigal music.
“This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine.
This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine.
This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine.
Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine…”
My lips moved, silently mouthing the lyrics. But I would not sing. I could not say the words aloud. I would never dare sing. I had always been taught that singing was forbidden, a sin. But I could listen. I could listen and feel safe… feel a flicker of happiness, if only for a few short minutes while the sweet sound continued.
The hymn played on, and I smiled, until the last pretty lyric faded away...
“Every day, every day, I’m gonna let my little light shine…”
Exhaling a slow deep sigh, I leaned further into the legs of the statue, content to listen to the rehearsal of the gospel choir. But in the brief silence between hymns, a sound outside of the church could be discerned.
“Maddie!”