Her left eye narrows as she looks at me. “Come on Pay, I’ve known you since kindergarten. You have a look on your face that tells me that something else is going on.”
“Mads, I’m fine ok. I’m just tired, and I want to crash. I'll go home in the morning. I won’t be in your hair for too long.”
“Paige, don’t be like that. If I had my way, we’d be sisters. I’m just trying to talk to you. You seem upset. Did you and your mum have another fight or something?”
“She doesn’t talk to me long enough to fight these days. Listen, I’m sorry to be such a drag, but I really just want to go to sleep. Is that ok?”
I notice the worried look on her face as she pushes herself back off the door and nods her head. She exits her room then returns with some spare bedding and a camping mattress, which I relieve her of immediately and help her set up my temporary bed.
She flicks on the TV in her room and sits on her own bed while I lay down on mine and pretend to sleep. I don’t want to talk. I don't want to re-live any part of this night. I just want to sleep.
Unfortunately, sleep is the last thing I’m able to do. Every time I close my eyes the night keeps playing over and over in my head, causing silent tears to stream steadily from my eyes and wet my pillow.
Eventually, when I’m too exhausted to stay away awake, I drift off.
***
“Mum! Dad!” I shout through a crowd of people. They’re blocking my way, and I’m trying to get to my family.
Digging my elbows into people and pushing my way through, I manage to make it within an arm's length. “Mum!” I call again, reaching out to touch her.
She looks over her shoulder at me and frowns before tapping my father on the shoulder and indicating that I’m there.
He looks at me. The way his eyes scan my face makes me feel like something you’d pick out of your shoe with a stick. I stop walking. I know I’m not wanted.
The crowd once again engulfs me like a sea of people moving in different directions. They knock against me and swear at me, because I’m stopped and in their way.
But I don’t move. I stay there, watching. I see my parents heads move further and further away. My eyes burn and my chest aches. How could they do this to me?
The heaving of my own sobs are what wake me up. I sit upright, breathing heavily as I look around the room to get my bearings. Maddison is still sleeping soundly. She’s always been hard to wake up once she was out.
Sitting in the dark and the quiet of the room, I can’t escape my thoughts. I lay back down with my pillow over my head and just cry. What am I supposed to do now? I can’t sleep over with friends forever.
One question keeps playing through my mind, over and over – what did I do wrong?
At 6am, my tears have dried up, and I’m tired of feeling sorry for myself. Throwing my covers back, I get up and move over to the desk, writing a note to tell Maddison that I'm going home to get ready for school.
As I slip quietly out of the house, I retrieve my bag from the bushes and really do head home. I figure my parents would still be home at this hour, and I want to try to talk to them. Surely, they can’t be serious.
When I arrive, the lights are all out, and it looks like no one is there. I walk around the perimeter of the house and try all the windows and once again; I try my keys. I start hunting around the garden, looking for a fake rock and search under mats and pot plants, hoping to happen upon a key that I didn’t know existed. But there’s nothing.
Eventually, the frustration gets too much for me. I pick up a rock from the garden and throw it through the window. The loud smash of the glass echoes through the quiet of the morning, and even louder still is the sound of the alarm. An alarm we didn’t have 24 hours ago.