Only Love (The Atonement Series)

CHAPTER Six

Colin





Colin faced a pissed off Aubrey and the look on her face didn’t exactly give him any confidence to continue the conversation. Drew glared at him and they were friends for Christ’s sake. What was his issue?

He didn’t want to behave like a stalker but at the same time, he also knew Deirdre was coming home from the hospital that day and he wanted to be there for her. He also knew that prick, Drake, had picked her up and her emerging new life certainly didn’t sit well with him.

Men were so crafty and that motherf*cker was especially devious. He didn’t trust him and couldn’t put his finger on why he thought the relationship between the guy and his “business partner” seemed inappropriate. Sure, he’d shared this little fact with Deirdre but he didn’t mention she was a five foot, ten inch tall bleached blonde with ties to the Ukrainian Mafia.

It turned out not only was Drake related to Drew—they were first cousins—he had been disowned by his family and it was the primary reason he called the West Coast his home. However, having grown up with money, he knew where to find it and promptly started dating Mikayla Shevchenko, daughter of Evgeni and sister of Andrij and Fedir.

The family had come to the United States while Fedir had been a baby and established themselves as some of the top gun runners and drug dealers in southern California. Hell, the family had a working relationship with the Madreras Cartel, the most powerful Mexican Mafia in their country and the United States. Through Mikayla and her brothers, the family had begun to wash a lot of the money through a string of popular and see-and-be-seen restaurants, bars and clubs the siblings began to buy along the Pacific, from San Diego to San Francisco.

It was true: she and Drake were split partners; they were not only former lovers but he’d been involved in the Shevchenko family business before he could be trusted with Mikayla washing money in the restaurant business. They’d been engaged for a time but he’d broken it off and never gave a reason. Though he seemed positively enthralled with Deirdre, it was rumored he was still had feelings for Mikayla and the feeling was more than mutual. Women were just a means to an end until she “ceased her party-girl attitude and realized they were supposed to be together”.

This was the knowledge he’d shared with Drew and Aubrey that morning he’d shown up at Deirdre’s apartment. Instead of them being happy he was trying to protect his ex-fiancée, they accused him of being a stalker and immediately asked him to leave.

“Surely you don’t plan to tell Deirdre any of this nonsense?” Aubrey inquired in an incredulous manner. “The woman just had a miscarriage—she doesn’t need to hear about her neighbor being a former gun runner and having mob connections.”

“Drake never ran guns, believe me,” Drew responded in an authoritative manner. “He may not be welcome at barbeques and family reunions but he hasn’t been completely cut off. His mother is my mother’s sister for God’s sake and as an O’Connell, you never get cut off from one another, not really.”

Colin sat down on the love seat despite Aubrey having asked him to leave. “I know he’s family and when I found out you two were related, I was kind of relieved if you can believe it. You don’t know what went down between us and she’s hurting. I just want to make sure no one does that to her again. Do you get my point of view and where I am coming from?”

Drew sat next to him and nodded his head. “What the hell happened between you two anyway? One minute, you two are inseparable and the next, she decides she can’t stand the sight of you and high tails it outta Seattle. I just didn’t expect it, not from Deirdre.”

Colin would have given anything to break the sacred vow he had with his brother at that moment just to tell Drew everything but he couldn’t. He believed a huge reason why Deirdre left was because she refused to tell her sister the truth and she couldn’t stand the duplicity. Anyone who’d ever proclaimed it was easy to keep a secret obviously had never had to keep one to themselves because every moment of every day was torture for him.

He did a good job pretending because that’s what he did. However, he could admit he wasn’t as psychologically strong or cold as Liam and what came so natural for his brother didn’t come naturally to him. He felt like an imposter because he simply didn’t possess that “killer instinct”.

Colin then found himself doing the old merry-go-round when his brother had told him he’d confessed to assuage his conscience. It had nothing to do with revealing the truth or being completely honest with Deirdre but it did have a lot to do with having another person to “share the burden” of the secret.

However, he knew that was only one mitigating factor that had sent his ex-fiancée running away from him. It didn’t help for her—or himself for the matter—to find out the child she carried had belonged to his brother.

While it pained Deirdre, it delighted Colin she’d lost the baby. There was no way he wanted to raise another man’s baby, regardless whether it was his brother’s or not. It wasn’t part of him to be that giving but at that point, he’d been willing to say anything on the phone just to get her back to Seattle. As far as he was concerned, she wasn’t too far along that an abortion couldn’t be moved off the table. Now that was no longer a concern and all he had to worry about was getting his woman back.

Aubrey cleared her throat. “So, do you really plan to stay here until you’ve convinced Deirdre she belongs to you? Perhaps you two really do need the distance. She’s an adult—believe me when I say that she is more than capable of taking care of herself.”

“What’s this really about?” Colin’s crystal blue eyes grew hard as diamonds and his expression completely reflected his mood. “Is this about the bar?”

“You know what we are talking about doesn’t have a damn thing to do with the bar, Colin. Aubrey and I are heading back in a couple of days. Remember, Deirdre was—no, she is—my first love and I would never allow anyone to hurt her. I agree, I wouldn’t have chosen Drake for her but it’s not my choice. Besides, they aren’t dating, they’re merely friends. Would you be this jealous if she became close to a male friend at work?”

“This is different.” Colin buried his face in his hands to hide the tears which threatened to fall if he didn’t choose his next words very carefully. “I wish to God I could tell you both what was going between us and why everything is so f*cked up but I can’t. All I can really say is that Deirdre has every reason to hate me but I still love her so much and I can’t give up on us. I’m not ready to throw in the towel yet. I’ll stay and make sure she’s okay. If she really is happy with this Drake guy then I will leave her to make a life with him.”

He wouldn’t dare look up but he could see Drew and Aubrey looking at one another from the corner of his eye.

“If you feel that strongly about my cousin then why don’t you stay? I’m making dinner—her favorite which of course is salmon stuffed with mushrooms and feta cheese, a spinach salad and risotto. I don’t know how she’ll react to you being here but we all know she’s not going to freak out.”

Colin looked up at Aubrey and smiled though he still felt the hurt in his heart and knew seeing Deirdre with this Drake guy was going to be tough. However, no one ever said love was easy and he was more than willing to do what it took to get her back. She’d been his first and only true love.

“Thanks, I’d really like that.”

And for a moment, he almost believed himself. He knew the day would be a nightmare in the making but he had to see her and if it involved suffering then he knew all about doing it quite well.