Only Love (The Atonement Series)

CHAPTER Three

Colin





Colin watched with interest as Aubrey made drinks and took up some of the slack for the overloaded waiters and waitresses. She grabbed an order which consisted of two pitchers of beer and four, tall empty pilsner glasses and walked it out to the table.

Although Bardot’s was technically a bar, the place was also a restaurant so people ran up tabs and then paid before they left. Colin could afford to have such an attitude since most of his clientele was on the upper end of the income scale and being stiffed for drinks didn’t happen. He also had a couple of fit bodyguards who wandered around and took care of drunk patrons, along with acting as protection for the attractive women who worked for him and Drew.

He should have been sitting on top of the world: he had his own business and was expecting a baby with the woman he loved but instead he was in his own private purgatory.

Deirdre had accepted the news well enough and she seemed to be fine until he arrived home late one night to a note and her new Ford hybrid gone from the driveway. Her words were pretty much bullshit as far as he was concerned but what they amounted to was she had to be on her own with his baby and she would be in contact soon.

Colin wasn’t stupid; his first actions were calling his cell phone carrier to put a trace on her phone but it was turned off and had not been used outside of Seattle so they had no direction to point him towards. This meant Deirdre had taken precautions herself and obviously had another phone in her possession.

He called her sister, Caitlyn, to see if she knew anything about her sister’s disappearing act but she was as clueless as Colin and equally as concerned.

“Where could she have gone? I know she wouldn’t have risked a trip back east, not in the car!” he’d exclaimed to his future sister-in-law.

“I honestly don’t know.” Caitlyn paused on the other end of the line. “However, something tells me she is still here in the States. I don’t see her driving to Canada so that leaves pretty much three other states she could have disappeared to—”

“What? You don’t think she could be in Tacoma or perhaps Vancouver?”

“No, I don’t, Colin. She would have most definitely left Washington and she would have never settled in Vancouver. She isn’t all that crazy about suburban life and being that close to Portland, she would have just settled there. If I am perfectly honest with you, I don’t think she’s in Oregon though. She would have kept going south…much further south. Your best bet is to check either Southern California—specifically Los Angeles or San Diego because she would most definitely bypass the Orange and San Bernardino Counties—or Clark County.”

“Clark County? That would be where Las Vegas is, right?”

Caitlyn had clicked her tongue on the other end of the phone. “Yes, but there is more to Las Vegas besides gambling, casinos and wedding chapels you know. She would have wanted to go somewhere she could lose herself and had decent suburbs and housing. Those are the only three places I can think of that are less than a day’s drive from here and have decent suburbs where she could settle down and become just another anonymous person.”

“Thanks,” he’d responded and was about to end the call when Caitlyn said his name out loud.

“What’s this about? Did it have anything to do with the talk you had with Liam? Is my sister all right? Has she been hurt by you in any way? Why would she run if everything is perfectly all right between you two?”

“That is something you would be better off talking to Liam about than me,” Colin had said before he ended the call.

That had been a week ago and she was still missing. He would have really lost it if Liam hadn’t told him he’d spoken to Deirdre and she was fine and safe. She had a place to stay and had bought a business where ever she’d gone. She was happy and healthy but she couldn’t stand to be around Liam or Colin at the moment now that she knew the truth about what had happened to her father.

His personal phone rang and though the area code was local, he didn’t recognize the number. Something told him it was Deirdre and he immediately answered the phone while leaning against the bar for support.

“Hello?”

“Hi, Colin. How are you?” her voice sounded like liquid honey to his ears. It was so very good to hear from her again.

“I’m terrible to be honest.” He grabbed a bottle of Dewar’s and poured himself a shot before he tipped it down his throat. The slow and steady burn calmed him but he wanted the numbness of the alcohol more than the smooth taste in his mouth.

“Listen to me, I know I left you in a lurch and I am sorry about that but I had to get away—”

“A lurch? Is that what you call this shitty and utterly ridiculous situation you’ve left me to explain to all our friends and family?” Colin interrupted with intense anger as he walked away from the bar and made it to his office before he closed the door behind himself and leaned against it. “You disappeared and barely said good bye. The least you could have done is at least informed me where you were going. If you told me you needed space, you know I would have given it to you.”

“It’s a little more complicated for me than just needing space. You and your brother murdered my father in cold blood and yes, I forgave you but that was my mistake and one I will have to live with for the rest of my life. It wasn’t really my place to absolve you of your crimes when I know what my mother is going through. I’m sorry I acted in haste but I realized I couldn’t marry you and I don’t want to raise a child with you either.

“If I am perfectly honest, I need to be on my own for a while. I needed to remove myself from the whole sordid situation and actually be able to view from the outside looking in. If that wasn’t the only issue, there is also something else you should know. When I tell you, you aren’t going to want me anyway so it’s pretty much a moot point.”

He closed his eyes and tried to slow his heart which thundered in his chest with such intensity, it was hard for him to breathe. “What is it?”

“The baby…” Deirdre began before she trailed off.

“What about the child? Stop playing games with me!”

“This kid isn’t yours, Colin.”

The words hit him like a sledgehammer and all the sudden his head hurt more than his heart could ever ache. “I don’t understand. What do you mean the baby isn’t mine?”

“Don’t act stupid.” She sighed on the other end and seemed almost relieved to get her feelings off her chest. “The doctor did some more tests and it turns out I was further along than we thought. He or she can’t possibly belong to you because when the child was conceived, we hadn’t slept together yet. The baby belongs to Liam. I can’t do that to him or my sister so I thought the best option would be to disappear and make a life somewhere on my own. You have to give me the space I need. I refuse to live a lie and in the end, you will just resent me for what I did and that is trapping you in a marriage with a child that isn’t your blood.”

The cell phone suddenly felt slippery in his fingers and he set it down on the desk before he pushed the speaker phone option. “Regardless if the child does belong to Liam, he or she would always belong to us, Deirdre. I love you very much and I am willing to do the impossible, even if that means raising my brother’s child. He or she is my blood—they’re my niece or nephew—please come home and don’t do this to us. We can work it out. I swear I will be there for you…I’m not going anywhere and you know that.”

He could hear her tears and quiet sobbing. “I know that deep in my heart but you must allow me to weigh all my options and make this decision on my own…without you. The last thing I ever wanted to do was break your heart and I know that is exactly what I am doing right now but I can’t do this. I can’t handle this when the anniversary of my father’s death is literally just months away. Please, allow me to do this and when I’m ready, I will contact you again.”

“Deirdre, wait—”

“I have to go,” she responded before she hung up the phone and the number blinked on his Samsung with an ended call message.

Colin tried to get a grip as he walked over and sat down but his whole world seemed to be spinning further and further out of his control. He could feel his body sag before he collapsed on the floor, and just like that, a life that seemed like it would finally be okay had been shattered in the blink of an eye.