It’s with great wisdom that Cal says, “McKayla… I’m betting Macy isn’t as happy as you think she is. As humans, we are wired to need social interaction and intimacy. Most people are happiest in a relationship. I know I am, and I can’t wait to be in one again.”
Now I wince, because I’m not sure if that’s a pointed reminder that Cal had perhaps looked at me in that light. “I’m sorry,” I say again. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
Chuckling, Cal reaches across the table and pats my hand. “You didn’t hurt me, Mac. Honestly… we didn’t know each other all that well when I realized you had it bad for someone else. I’m just making a general comment that I’m a man, and I want a relationship. I’m ready to settle down. Some men do want that type of thing.”
“So, you think what I did… breaking things off with Matt, was the right thing?”
“I think if you were unhappy with the way things were, then yes, it was the right thing. You can’t wait for him to change because frankly… I don’t think Matt wants to change.”
This is what I don’t get. I saw a glimmer of true caring and openness in Matt when he came to Nashville. He has the ability… hell, he’s a fucking natural at taking care of people. Why doesn’t he open himself fully to it?
“It’s because he was hurt so badly.” Cal’s voice cuts into my thoughts.
I look at him in surprise. “What are you? A freaking mind reader?”
“I just know that look. It looks like you’re trying to solve a great mystery, and the greatest mystery in your life right now is Matt.”
“How badly was he hurt?” I ask softly, not really wanting to know the answer, because I’m afraid it will soften my resolve to stay away from him.
Cal is so very sad when he says, “I damaged him badly. It’s my greatest shame. But Marissa, his ex-wife, what she did to him… I think that was the destroying factor. I was not the first person she cheated on him with. In fact, I was the last. Matt had a private investigator following her for weeks before I ever slept with her. He protects himself now. I guarantee you Matt thinks it’s better to be alone than to open himself up to hurt again.”
We chat a little bit more about Matt, but then our food arrives and we move on to other, more amiable things to discuss. We finish with a promise of getting together the following week, and I find myself looking forward to it. Cal has become a very good friend to me.
Back at the office, I struggle with the Jackson case. The other side has served me with Interrogatories… a long list of questions about the case that I have thirty days to answer. My palms get moist as I look them over, and I seriously start to question my sanity in taking this case. Hell, I seriously question my sanity in wanting to be a lawyer sometimes.
At the end of the day, I start getting more melancholy. It’s getting to be that time that Matt normally stops by my office and asks me what I want to eat. It fuels the anticipation that, within a few hours, I’ll be wrapped up in his strong arms.
I won’t be getting that today. After asking Matt to leave last night, I am in no way surprised when seven PM rolls around, and there is no sign of him.
But this is for the best, I remind myself.
This is what I wanted.
I don’t fucking believe it.
I go a solid week without seeing or hearing a peep from Matt. The first few days, I would sometimes stare longingly at my office door, hoping he’d come through it and tell me that he saw the error of his ways. But then I started to settle in to my new life without Matt Fucking Connover in it.