I can’t believe his affirmation and in front of a total stranger. I’m speechless.
“Azmir here seems to be firm in his take on your relationship,” Pastor Edmondson surmises, speaking to me. Then he turns to Azmir and offers, “But separate of your relationship with Rayna, I hear uncertainty in your position on your own life. I’d like to sit down and help you sort through them as well as take on premarital counseling sessions with you.”
“I don’t know about that.” Azmir stretches his lids and his brows lifts. “I’d have to take some time to consider it.” His words are even, but firm.
“Do you mind if I ask why?”
“I’ll be completely honest with you, Pastor. I’m sure much of your guidance will include elucidating all the wrongs in my life and practices, and quite frankly, I’m not so inclined to subject myself to that scrutiny. I’m a decent man, trying to marry an extraordinary woman. Not trying to get converted.”
Pastor Edmondson gives a full compassionate smile that reaches his eyes. It’s as if Azmir’s blunt rejection somehow bounces off him.
“I can totally understand your apprehensions and can validate them as well. Historically, so much of Christian-dome included condemning people to hell and ostracizing the wounded.” I muzzle my amen. Pastor Edmonson sits up in his chair, “But Azmir, all I want to do is tell you about a friend name Jesus, Who loves you and wants to meet you where you are to demonstrate His love, grace, and power. It is not my concern what you used to do; neither do I want to measure your imperfections. That isn’t necessary for this type of introduction.”
Azmir shoots him a look of disbelief. “Pastor, with all due respect, I’m sure one of the first things that will come up is our sexual practices and how we should handle them moving forward. That’s not something I’m willing to discuss or debate. Ever.”
I’m beginning to get nervous. Azmir is a man of strong authority, an alpha male and I don’t like his resolute tone with my pastor. And I know he’s most rigid in his stance about sex with me. I mean, look at how he reacted when I suggested we go without in Tahiti.
Pastor Edmondson chuckles, “Azmir, I am very clear on the Bible’s stance on fornication. I fully agree with it and can give you countless reasons why it is a solid edict, but I’d much rather discuss where your heart is now and condition that first, to make room for God’s will for your life. Rayna can tell you that it is not mine or my wife’s practice to condemn, but to nurture and prepare hearts for God’s love and instruction. I’m fully aware that you live together and am overjoyed that you’ve asked her hand in marriage. I would like to prepare you for a lifelong, sustainable, and flourishing marriage using godly principles. That is all.”
Pastor Edmondson rises from his chair and we follow suit, preparing to end the session. He walks to Azmir and me without his previous warm smile. And with a proffered hand to Azmir he says, “You’re a good man, a true leader. Very few warriors of your caliber are made anymore, Azmir. You will be of great help to the kingdom. I would like for you to consider this.”
Azmir stiffens as he gives Pastor Edmonson a contemplative gaze. I can tell he’s trying to gauge Pastor Edmondson’s motives and authenticity.
Within seconds, Azmir takes his hand and says, “I’ll certainly consider it, Pastor Edmondson. This has been very enlightening. Thank you for having me.”
Pastor Edmondson humbly nods, “The pleasure was all mine and gratitude should be given to Rayna for providing this connection. Good evening, folks.” His smile returns.
I say my goodbyes and we leave, heading to the marina. The drive is quiet as I’m sure Azmir wrestles with recounts of the session just as I am. Only my thoughts are rushing in and the phenomenon of zapping neurotransmitters is rapid in my brain. All evening, things about my ambiguous relationship with Azmir keep replaying, but coming now with more clarity. This man loves me. For months, I’ve confused his offerings of a commitment for strong attraction or the traditional chase that he and I agreed to last January in the cafeteria of his recreation center.