I sit on the patio stool and feel my lungs shudder. More drama I’m bringing to them.
“Stenton bought his way into your good graces, Momma. He only did things because of his guilt. He had no genuine motives.”
She sits next to me and wraps her arm around me. “I don’t know about all of that. It wouldn’t be the most original thing if he didn’t, but honey, I’ve spent too many days, nights and early mornings talking to Stenton. I’ve seen him strong and weak. I’ve heard the uncried tears in his voice, seen joy in his eyes that he tends to keep inside. One thing I can say is he ain’t perfect, but he don’t mean you no harm. Remember the first time you told me you…gave him your prize?” I nod knowing she’s referring to when I sat in her kitchen, circuitously telling her I’d made love to Stenton. “You said you knew he really loved you because of the way he looked at you like you were the coming Messiah. I saw that before you told me, when he came over for Christmas that year. And that power he makes you feel…the one you spoke about that day in my kitchen, I witness that each time he speaks your name.”
Abruptly, I pull from her hold and stare at her with incredulity.
“Now, hold up.” She lowers her chin, giving me that leveling gaze only mothers can effectively give. “I’m not pushing for you two to be together. I just want you to think long and hard for the last of the first few hours since learning what he did. It’s important to control your thoughts and judgments now at this critical time because they will soon turn into decisions. Decision to forgive or to despise. You don’t want your heart darkened by hatred. You don’t want hatred or anger taking residence in your mind or soul, Zoey. That isn’t Christ-like. It also isn’t your style. You don’t hold on to negativity. Don’t let this news about Stenton change who you are inside.”
“It already has, Momma. He’s changed so much in me. He’s damaged my soul over the years.” I shake my head. “I know this may sound sappy, but he’s stolen my heart and I haven’t been able to love…to breathe since he left me all those years ago.”
The tears return. She takes me at the chin with her index finger until my eyes meet hers.
“You’ll breathe again. Your love, with whomever God has determined it to be, may have been delayed, but trust that He will deliver when the time is right, baby.”
With my eyes stapled to hers, I nod, believing every word of hope she provides.
Then
October 2008
~Stenton~
“No fucking cameras. No damn reality show bullshit. No sit downs with Oprah or Katie Couric. None of that shit.” I fixed my gaze on Quincy. “Q, man, you know how hard we’ve worked to clean up my image. I’m not trying to go backwards. I got more on the line now.”
“I get it, brother. I know, which is why you have to trust me when I say we’ll lay all your demands on the table before sending out the press release,” Quincy assured.