CHAPTER FOUR
The door latched closed, and my eyes shot open. The room was pitch black, but the big digital clock on the end table read eight o’clock. The faint outline of a woman inched quietly toward the adjacent bed. Her neon dress nearly glowed in the dark.
“Alli?”
“It’s me.”
“Are you just getting in?” I rubbed my eyes, and slowly the details of my current reality were dawning.
“Yes, Mother,” she said sarcastically.
I switched on the bedside lamp, bringing her into focus. “Well, look what the cat dragged in.” I leaned back on my elbows and smiled. She looked like she hadn’t slept in days, which was almost true. Her mascara was smudged and her hair was in a state I’d never seen in public—only a few degrees below perfect.
“Ugh, I can feel you judging me.” She kicked off her heels and collapsed onto the bed still dressed.
“So are you going to tell me what happened?” I was now fully awake, which surprised me considering the current hour and my minimal R.E.M. sleep.
“What do you want to know?” she mumbled into the bedspread.
“Every sordid detail, obviously.”
Alli flipped herself over and stared listlessly at the ceiling. “I really like him.”
I thought I heard a sigh. Oh no.
“Jesus, Alli, please tell me you didn’t sleep with him.”
“What the hell do you care?” She slapped her hands down to her sides.
I bolted out of bed and met her glare. “I care, Alli, because I’m trying to project a professional image with our company, and I didn’t expect you to screw Blake’s brother. Now he’ll tell Blake, and oh shit...” I calculated all the possible implications of this indiscretion.
“Stop right there. I told him you would freak out if Blake knew, so he gave me his word.”
“Unbelievable.” I walked over to open the shades to our room.
Alli cringed as light poured in.
“Well, what about you? I half expected to walk in on you two, the way he was eye-f*cking you all night.”
“Alli, seriously. There is absolutely nothing between Blake and me.”
“Bullshit.”
“I’m serious. I can’t screw up this deal. I told him last night that I wasn’t interested. End of story.”
“Blake doesn’t strike me as the type who hears the word ‘no’ frequently. Also, you didn’t tell me he was drop-dead gorgeous.”
“Gorgeous or not, I’m here to work.”
“Erica, are you really mad at me about this?” She pouted her bottom lip a little.
Here came the guilt. “It’ll be fine. Just get some sleep. I’d be great if you could do a little networking today since we’re flying out tomorrow.” I couldn’t let her off the hook completely.
I wanted to be angry with Alli, but in truth, I was mostly worried for her. I’d given her the opportunity to let her guard down around Heath, who was likely a master womanizer.
I escaped to the bathroom where I silently fumed under the steady pressure of the shower. Determined to put the situation out of my mind, I focused instead on possible questions for the panel.
When I returned, Alli was fast asleep under the duvet. I dressed in our pre-approved outfit, a stylish black patterned blouse and bright white blazer with dark straight jeans. I slipped into the black pumps Alli had left at the foot of the bed and grabbed my bag. Time to work. Without any back up, again, I thought. I might as well get used to this.
* * *
You’re not supposed to be here.
Sometimes I really hated the little voice in my head. As I read the name cards set out for the panelists, my anxiety shot into overdrive. I would be shoulder-to-shoulder with a star-studded cast of tech CEOs, veritable celebrities in the technology world. My anxiety shifted into overdrive and nausea threatened.
Reeling, I dropped into my seat and surveyed the room, which was already filling with hundreds of eager conference attendees.
My mind raced as I fumbled for my notes, wishing I could be anywhere else. Just as full panic was setting in, Blake took a seat next to me, looking delicious in a gray V-neck shirt and jeans.
“What are you doing here?” I sounded more exasperated than I meant to.
“Good morning to you too.”
He gave me a smile, and my body relaxed a little, maybe from the sheer relief of seeing a familiar face in this crowd. Plus his mouth on me last night was not nearly a distant memory yet.
Everything about this trip so far had been unexpected—running into Blake last night and Alli’s understandable but problematic fascination with his brother. Now here I was with Blake again, sitting in the presence of geeky greatness.
After letting my wheels turn a bit he finally responded. “I’m moderating the panel.”
My mouth opened, but the questions of how and why stuck in my throat. There was only one logical reason why.
“You did this.”
“Did what?”
I glared, wishing I could level him with my stare.
“You had me invited here, to speak on this panel.”
“I don’t think I can take all the credit. You’re a significant competitor in the social space. That’s what you told us at the meeting, right?” He leaned back into his seat the same way he had at the pitch, eyeing me cautiously.
“Yes, that is what I said.” I swallowed hard, incensed that Blake would toy with me this way.
“Well, then, you shouldn’t be worried about sitting up here with the big boys. You’ll do fine.” He turned to his smart phone.
I had caught Blake’s eye, and now he had drawn me into this game of professional cat and mouse. How long could this go on? Until I slept with him? Until my company suffered inexplicable damage? In the meantime, how the hell was I going to get through this panel where I was completely out of my league?
The room was filled and the other panelists sat down around us. I squeezed my eyes shut, rubbing my temples to stave off the tension headache coming on.
“You don’t like being challenged?”
I opened my eyes to find him staring at me, his beautiful green eyes appraising me cautiously. He was pushing me and something snapped.
“I like being challenged, Blake. I don’t like being sabotaged.” I strained to keep our conversation audible only to us. Maybe in his mind, Blake was challenging me, but it didn’t feel like that on my end. I had plenty of self-doubt, but when someone obviously underestimated me, the gloves came off. I had worked tirelessly, given him no reason to doubt me or my abilities.
“Trust me. If I wanted to humiliate you, you wouldn’t be here.”
“You have real f*cking nerve.” My voice echoed through the room. The emcee had turned the microphone system on, and all eyes were on me. Shit. I sat all the way back in my seat, wishing I could disappear into the floor. Apparently I didn’t need Blake to humiliate me. I could do that fine on my own.
The emcee quickly recovered the moment and proceeded to introduce the panelists and the moderator, the esteemed Blake Landon. I cringed at the sound of his name and the applause that followed, but I needed to pull myself together. Shooting daggers at Blake would not get me through this panel. He would be guiding the conversation, and I had just very publicly cursed him out.
I straightened in my seat and steeled myself with a few deep breaths, willing myself to relax and focus. The panel started with introductions, which went well since I had practiced mine no less than fifty times on the flight here. From there, Blake asked a handful of prepared questions, directing them to the appropriate panelists. Nothing was far, if at all, out of my depth and my anxiety soon faded. I even mustered the courage to chime in where others left off on their questions, though I was careful to avoid eye contact with Blake. He could throw off my momentum with a well-timed smirk. His face had proven seriously distracting in the professional setting.
After a short round of questions from the audience, we wrapped up. I let out a sigh of relief, grateful that I had survived. That wasn’t so bad, I thought and scolded myself for freaking out at what had turned out to be a totally manageable public speaking engagement. Crisis averted.
“Not bad at all,” Blake said.
Too paranoid about the microphones, I shot him a glare. I pulled together my things and stood up, suddenly anxious to leave and regain some distance from Blake.
He quickly rose with me. “Hey, don’t run off just yet.” He stopped one of the other panelists on his way off the stage.
“Hey, Alex,” he said, getting the man’s attention.
He turned back and caught me by the elbow. I resisted, and then realized he was introducing me to Alex Hutchinson, CEO of one the largest e-commerce websites in the U.S.
“Erica, Alex. Alex, we’ve been working with Erica at Angelcom, and I thought it’d be good for you to connect. There might be some mutual interest with her focus on women’s apparel.”
“Nice to meet you, Erica. I’m looking forward to checking out the site.”
Alex had at least fifteen years on me and looked more like one of the suits I pitched to back in Boston, but he gave me his full attention.
“Thank you, I’d love to get your input.”
“Sure, when did you launch?”
“About a year ago.”
“Excellent, I’ll check it out. Here’s my card, and my cell is on the back. Let’s stay in touch, and let me know if I can help with anything, all right?”
“I definitely will. Thank you so much.”
As Alex headed off, two others approached us, both men around our age. One headed up a popular virtual game development shop, and another had founded a burgeoning music network for discovering new artists not long before Clozpin launched, which made me feel a little bit better about being there.
We made small talk, and Blake gracefully guided the conversation back to me at all the appropriate times. Giddy excitement washed over me. I’d have been too petrified to seek any of these people out on my own. The reception overall was very positive, and I felt validated that I could hold my own, that we had built something worth using.
Eventually the crowd and the rest of the panelists dispersed, leaving me alone with Blake again.
“Wow,” I said, still reeling from it all.
“Was that so bad?”
“No, it was awesome actually. I wasn’t expecting any of this.”
“Maybe that’s a good thing.”
He was right. The anticipation of knowing the caliber of people I would be presenting with and subsequently meeting would have been unbearable. My panic this morning had been mercifully short-lived, and aside from the microphone incident, all had gone exceptionally well. Even so, I wasn’t about to give him any satisfaction by admitting that.
“This was great, but I don’t need your charity, Blake.” The meddling needed to stop.
“You think this was charity?”
“Well, it’s either that or an overelaborate ploy to get me into bed.”
“I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t.”
He threaded his fingers with mine. His other arm slipped under my blazer and pulled me up to him. I lifted to him, reveling in the warmth of his body against mine and the relief that always seemed to follow. His embrace was gentle but firm, giving me a taste of the strength of his body.
“Not going to happen.” The protest sounded as weak as my resolve. My free hand found a place on his chest, contoured over the curve of his pectoral. His heart beat strong and steady under my palm, mimicking my own as my body melted into him. The things we could do...
“I disagree.”
He pulled me closer, the semblance of complete self-control in his expression betrayed by the heat in his eyes. He angled his face above me, his lips a hair’s breadth from my own. My heart beat madly, silencing any lingering thoughts of protest. I couldn’t outrun this desire.
Yes. I inched my fingers around his nape and drove them through the silky strands of his hair and answered him. Sealing my lips over his, I drank in his scent and surrendered to the onslaught of sensations that having his mouth on me conjured. The tip of his tongue grazed my lips, coaxing them open to his. I parted for him on demand, eager to know if he tasted as good as smelled. His tongue darted in and found mine, taunting me with tiny licks that gave way to deeper strokes. His hands teased the exposed flesh between my blouse and my jeans, roaming over the jut of my hipbone. Mine stayed fisted in his hair and splayed over his chest. I was paralyzed with the fear that if I moved an inch, I’d lose control completely and climb him right here on the stage.
Whispers and the clicks from camera phones carried through the room. A small group of attendees were huddled at the back entrance, their faces hidden by their phones, which were pointed directly at us. Bloody hell.
I pushed away from Blake, who didn’t seem fazed by the paparazzi nerd crew who were probably minutes from tagging our embrace to the conference Twitter feed. Flustered and panicked, I grabbed my things and flew off the stage, making my way to the nearest elevator. Against my better judgment, I had lost control with Blake and now I was humiliating both of us.
“Erica!” Blake rushed up behind me. “Are you okay?”
His hair was mussed to hell, but I resisted the urge to fix it. I was too tightly wound, and a touch, however innocent, could annihilate my already perilously weak commitment not to sleep with him.
“Yes, I genuinely can’t wait to become the laughing stock of the conference.” I shook my head in disbelief, cursing myself for being so reckless.
“Hey, any publicity is good publicity, right?” He smiled. He reached for me, but I stepped back out of his grasp.
“Blake, you don’t get it!” I yelled, unable to control myself this time, which drew the attention of a few people passing by. Maybe they could catch this on video and post it to YouTube to complete my morning of PR self-destruction. I was shaking now. Too many emotions surged through me—exhilaration, blinding lust, and utter embarrassment.
“Shh, relax.” He put his hands on my shoulders. “I’m sure those kids don’t even know who we are, and if they do, it’ll just be a blip.”
Those kids, who were my age, very likely didn’t know me, but I couldn’t say the same about Blake.
“Whatever. I guess there’s not much I can do about it now.” I shrugged. My exhaustion was bone-deep now. I leaned back into the wall, feeling more depleted by the minute.
“Listen, I’ve got a few meetings this afternoon, but I want to take you out tonight.”
I sighed, willing to agree if it brought me closer to a nap.
“I’ll be the perfect gentleman,” he promised, but a dangerous flash of hunger clouded his eyes.
“You have a habit of offending me indiscriminately. Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”
The bell dinged and the doors opened. I retreated to the empty elevator, and miraculously, Blake didn’t follow me.
Just before the doors closed, he said, “I’ll pick you up at eight.”
* * *
I nursed a glass of wine and Alli started on her second espresso martini at one of the award-winning Italian restaurants in the casino. I filled her in on the details of the morning, including the highs of connecting with a handful of high-powered executives in the industry, and the subsequent lows of potentially discrediting myself by being caught in Blake’s arms, on camera, only moments later. I took a healthy gulp of my Pinot Noir at the remembrance.
“He’s persistent. But that doesn’t really surprise me,” Alli said.
“I can’t help but feel like I’m losing the war with him.” I picked at my pasta fra diavolo, torn by the way I felt around Blake. One minute I was cursing him out, and the next I had to harness every ounce of self-control not to give in to him.
“Erica, I know you’re hyper-focused on the business right now, but if you’re attracted to him, and he’s obviously super attracted to you, why not just go for it?”
“I’ve been through hell and back, Alli. You know this. The business is the first thing I’ve cared about in a long time. It’s kept me grounded, and if I screw this up because I can’t get a handle on my hormones, I don’t know what I’ll do.”
While getting a more traditional job was a remote possibility, I refused to accept failure as an option. Sure, I periodically experienced the-sky-is-falling moments, but I always pulled through stronger, giving more of myself and pushing us further than we ever expected to be. Under normal circumstances, I could juggle casual sex and work or school, but this wasn’t one of those moments. I needed to stay focused or risk losing everything.
“You’ve already proven yourself to him professionally. Do you really think he won’t respect you if you sleep with him?”
“Maybe. It’s not a chance I’m willing to take.”
Blake was unpredictable. He had been both devastating and extremely helpful to the cause, so I had no idea what to expect from him, especially if we complicated the relationship with sex.
“When you play by those rules, Erica, you give them credence. Guys f*ck around all the time, and no one thinks twice about it. Just because you’re a woman doesn’t mean you’re not entitled to a night of hot sex.”
“Says the girl who rolled in at eight o’clock this morning.” I pointed my fork at her. “Seriously though, the business is more important to me than any fling right now.”
Alli paused for moment. “Maybe Blake isn’t fling-material.”
“I highly doubt that.”
“Blake isn’t some a*shole frat boy. Maybe you should give him a chance.”
“You’re right, he’s an a*shole billionaire. I’m not sure what’s worse.”
Alli rolled her eyes. I knew what was worse, but I hated that she was dredging up the past at a time like this.
“So have you heard from Heath since…you know?” I asked, hoping to steer the subject away from Blake.
“Yeah, he texted me this morning.” A slow smile spread across her face.
She was already smitten. Heaven help us all.
“Thanks for the memories?” I joked, and we both laughed. “Do you think it’ll go anywhere?”
“I’m not sure. He lives in New York, so who knows? We’re going to grab dinner tonight.” She looked up. “I mean, if you don’t mind. We can hang out if you really want to ditch Blake.”
I knew she was lying, like any decent friend would.