Everything, Everything

From: Madeline F. Whittier To: [email protected] Subject: RE: RE: Hello Sent: June 4, 8:11 PM



Hi,

Bundt Cake Recipe





3 cups all-purpose cement mix


1? cups fine-grain sawdust

1 cup gravel (various sizes for added interest) ? tsp salt

1 cup Elmer’s Glue

2 sticks unsalted butter





3 tsp paint thinner


4 large eggs (room temperature) DIRECTIONS


Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Grease Bundt pan


For the cake

1. In medium bowl, whisk together cement mix, salt, and gravel.

2. In large bowl, whisk together butter, Elmer’s Glue, paint thinner, and eggs. Do not overmix.

3. Gradually whisk in dry ingredients in small batches.

4. Spoon batter into Bundt mold.

5. Bake until a tester inserted in cake refuses to come out. Cool in pan on rack.


For the glaze:

1. Whisk together sawdust and enough water to form a thick yet pourable glaze.

2. Set rack with cake over a piece of wax paper (for easy cleanup).

3. Drizzle cake with glaze and let solidify before serving.


(Serves 0)


- Madeline Whittier P.S. I’m not a spy!





FIRST CONTACT, PART THREE




Wednesday, 8:15 P.M.

Olly: i was going to email you back, but saw you were online. your recipe cracked me up. has there ever been a spy in the whole history of spying that’s admitted to being a spy? i think not. i’m olly and it’s nice to meet you.

Olly: what’s the “f” stand for?

Madeline: Furukawa. My mom is 3rd generation Japanese American. I’m half Japanese.

Olly: what’s the other half?

Madeline: African American.

Olly: do you have a nickname madeline furukawa whittier or am i expected to call you madeline furukawa whittier?

Madeline: I don’t have a nickname. Everyone calls me Madeline. Sometimes my mom calls me honey or sweetie. Does that count?

Olly: no of course it doesn’t count. no one calls you m or maddy or mad or maddy-mad-mad-mad? i’ll pick one for you.

Olly: we’re gonna be friends




Thursday, 8:19 P.M.

Madeline: Since we’re going to be friends, I have questions: Where are you from? Why do you wear a cap all the time? Is your head oddly shaped? Why do you only ever wear black? Related question: Are you aware that clothing comes in other colors? I have suggestions if you need them. What do you do on the roof? What’s the tattoo on your right arm?

Olly: i have answers: we’re from all over, but mostly the east coast. i shaved my head before we moved here (big mistake). yes. i’m dead sexy in black. yes. none needed, thanks. nothing. barcode Madeline: What have you got against capital letters and proper punctuation?

Olly: who says that i do

Madeline: I have to go. Sorry!




Friday, 8:34 P.M.

Olly: so how grounded are you?

Madeline: I’m not grounded. Why do you think I’m grounded?

Olly: well something made you log off in a hurry last night. i’m guessing it was your mom. trust me i know all about being grounded. and you never leave the house. i haven’t seen you outside once since we got here Madeline: I’m sorry. I don’t know what to say. I’m not grounded, but I can’t leave the house.

Olly: very mysterious. are you a ghost? that’s what i thought the day we moved in and i saw you at the window. and it would be my luck that the pretty girl next door is not actually alive Madeline: First I was a spy and now I’m a ghost!

Olly: not a ghost? a fairytale princess then. which one are you? cinderella? will you turn into a pumpkin if you leave the house?

Olly: or rapunzel? your hair’s pretty long. just let it down and i’ll climb up and rescue you Madeline: That has always sounded impractical and painful don’t you think?

Olly: yes. so not cinderella and not rapunzel. snow white then. your evil stepmom put you under a spell so that you can’t leave the house and the world will never know how fair you are Madeline: That’s not how the story goes. Did you know that in the original version it wasn’t an evil stepmother, it was an evil mother? Can you believe that? Also, there were no dwarves. Interesting, no?